Hollywood Remakes …… I get it now

So I haven’t seen Aladdin with Will Smith, nor have I seen the new “live action” Lion King, nor did I participate in Michael Bay’s destruction of the Ninja Turtles (Golden did tho) and Transformers but I have decided that I get it now. Don’t get me wrong, don’t hit me with all the hate mail in my DMs or on my twitter feed, I still find them to be somewhat unnecessary but … I get it now. Often if it’s well done or done in a new way it can be successful.  

We are half way through 2019 and so far we have had The Lion King, Child’s Play, Mary Poppins, Aladdin, Pet Sematary, Shaft and Dumbo off the top of my head. I’m sure there are more that didn’t even hit my radar and those are just movies, don’t get me started on the fact that they are starting to do this in the TV world too – looking at you Voltron, DuckTales, ThunderCats, TMNT, Rainbow Brite etc. What really drives me insane about these is when it's literally a shot by shot remake with very little new content or insight into the characters. That seems a waste of everyone's time. A few years ago we had Beauty and The Beast which was basically just that. It's a great movie don't get me wrong I love Emma Watson but yeah there was nothing ... new or interesting about it. At least to me.   

I used to think Hollywood was either out of ides or scared to take a gamble on a new idea. I still kind of think that but I also understand it’s a business. Sure they could fund a brand new idea that “might” make money if they get the right cast that they will have to sell on the idea or they can go with a sure fire hit that can get a boost out of an “all star cast” that might jump on board from the get. They get to entertain and know they are going to make money right out of the gate. Plus costumes are already designed, they just need to be created, same for sets. They already know what they are going to need and create cause it's already been created they jsut have to reproduce it, maybe adjust colors but stay in the same part of the color wheel. It’s a no brainer for them. A brand new idea comes with ….. the unknown element… what is going to be the competition when it is released ? Whose going to be the draw that gets people into a theater? What happens if it doesn’t catch fire out of the gate ? Can it have a good 2nd weekend showing ? How do you get the media to pay attention to it without that large star draw feeling like they are on the only one selling it  ….. why put yourself through that stress if one doesn’t have to?! 

They have been doing this for years on the horror front .... Texas Chainsaw Massacre, House on Haunted Hill, House of Wax, etc., and those don't give people anxiety nearly as much as a new Ariel. Granted you will have the people that stay away cause they are so in love with the original but the odds are that’s not their target audience. They will also have people that are excited and fill the seats with high anticipation only to be disappointed. However what studios are going for is introducing NEW PEOPLE to these characters, to these stories.

A few weeks ago our church had our Vacation Bible School and the theme was “To Mars and Beyond” and I took that to heart. I have several “space themed” shirts and bought a few others to round out the week. For one of the days I wore my beloved Astrosmurf Tshirt, he is one of my all time favorite Smurfs behind Handy, afterall. 

One of the kids said I like your shirt. I said thank you do you know his name. He said I don’t know space smurf with a shrug like this conversation had lasted way longer than he intended for it to already. I said no … Astrosmurf. crickets….. I continued do you know his story? More crickets and a few odd stares. A couple of the parent helpers were trying to figure out how I was going to wind this back to Jesus but this was important I needed the kids to know this. So I told them that it was a comic written by an artist named Peyo about a Smurf whose biggest dream was to visit the stars. He tries his hardest to build a Rocketship and is devastated when it doesn’t work. I said Astrosmurf lacked the fundamentals of engineering to make his ship fly. So Papa Smurf got all the Smurf’s (who had been laughing and making fun of Astrosmurf) together to come up with a plan to make Astrosmurf think he went to outer space. 

To which a kid replied so they lied to him to make him feel better. I said no they showed their love for Astrosmurf by letting him live out his dream. Ok fine he didn’t really go into space but he doesn’t know that. The point was that while they all thought his dream was silly they made his dream come true. Another kid replied that was dumb how does someone not know they were on another planet. I said have you ever visited another planet? He said no I said then shut up Astrosmurf hadn’t either (it is amazing they let me talk to these kids at all really) so he didn’t know it would be different besides he had his helmet on the whole time.  Then a different kid said um… the Smurfs is a move not a comic and there was no Astrowhat’s-his-face. I said no it was a comic strip and there were several of them before it became a cartoon back in the 80’s and has recently been turned into a movie starring Neil Patrick Harris for some reason. Plus there is an entire village do you think you met them all? They proceeded to tell me that it wasn’t a comic. I said yes it was and I’ll prove it tomorrow. I don’t have it with me but I have the comics at my house. 

Yes…incase you are wondering....  I was arguing with like 7-10 year olds during VBS about the Smurfs during what was supposed to be bible story telling time before we got into a science experiment. Later that night I was driving home thinking about those kids and how sad that they lived in a world without smurf comics when it hit me that they LIVED IN A WORLD WHERE SMURF COMICS DIDN’T EXIST. Like no one in their life had ever led them down that path to Smurfiness with comic strips. Then I decided they likely hadn't watched the cartoon either. So the next day I walk in with my comic versions of the Smurfs and I swear I saw a few kids roll eyes like not this again. Granted the books I took were remakes of the comics that came out in conjunction with the movie cause my beloved 80’s cartoon versions fell apart along time ago after years of love and reading. However I needed them to have this as part of their world. Isn’t that after all what VBS was about ha! One kid asked if he could have the book and as generous as I am I told him no that they were awfully hard to find and I couldn’t part with it. I guess looking back I should have given him the comic but I’m selfish that way sometimes. 

The point is that as awful as a remake can sometimes be often it opens up these new generations to these characters. My oldest nephew when nuts about the Care Bears coming back out when he was little cause I would get so excited and it was something we could do together. They introduced all these new Care Bears that I couldn’t wrap my head around and my brother was like dude chill they aren’t “wrong” they are just new you are lucky I let him play with them at all relax. Sure I’d have shown him the cartoons from my childhood but it likely wouldn't have kept his attention. However after being introduced to them on his own he was interested in learning more and I was able to open up his world to the Care Bears that I knew and loved.

So before getting online to bash a remake, give it a chance, or just sit there and be quiet. It wasn’t made for you it was made for the new generation. If you must then introduce them to what you grew up with but don't get your feelings hurt when they say it's lame. Cause they likely will. I myself am a little bummed my nephew who loved Dora as a wee one has far out grown her cause I think that movie will be funny and I'd like to see it. Let them enjoy their moment their introduction to the “fandom” unless Optimus Prime has flames cause that’s never going to be ok. 

Fuck you Michael Bay. All …damn…day.

Are there any of these movies I should rush out and watch now that might change my mind ?


Marcy 
@beaslma

Baby Talk

I don't know what it is about Holidays that make me want to write. Maybe it is that 8 hour span where I don't really have anything to do, or nothing expected of me maybe it's just that my brain wants a vacation so .… I was looking earlier for a "writing prompt" and didn't really see any that jumped out at me as something I wanted to take forward. So I opened up word and just touched my keyboard. This was the result ….. I have no idea where it came from. I'm not a mom … I don't have a 3 month old, I don't even know anyone with a three month old but when I started typing this is what came out.

~~ Baby Talk ~~ 

She felt human after emerging from the shower, clean hair, fresh clothes, she felt like she was ready to conquer the world again. She was grateful to the man who made this happen for her. As she walked through the house she couldn’t help but notice how quiet it was. That had not happened in over three months. A small part of her started to panic but the other part of her said calm down I’m sure everything is fine, but her pace quickened as she got into the Livingroom. Often, she finds them snuggling on the couch, dogs at their feet or being used as pillows. She popped over the back of the couch, but found nothing not even a dent where they were previously snuggled up.

Before she went into full panic attack mode she decided to look around maybe she just missed them. She backtracked to the bedrooms thinking they have to be back here, they just have to be, but upon entering her new son’s room she found it empty and sickeningly quiet. The toys from last night still in the floor, nothing in the crib, nothing new in the wastebasket. Even the rocking chair mocked her by being unnervingly still. They were gone. The baby’s room faced the driveway, she looked and the car was there. Where in the world did they go she wondered as her heart started to race a bit more than she would like.  

Her brain told her that they were fine, and she knew that to likely be true, but it didn’t stop her head from also coming up with the alternative. Whenever they were not where she was she missed them with a ache she never thought she’d have, especially when she couldn’t hear them playing - sometimes that was enough to calm her down - sometimes. She knew being a new mom was going to have its challenges, but she always felt like that was one that she really didnt need to worry about. These panic attacks whenever he was out of her sight was something she didn’t anticipate and didn’t know how to stop. She was working on it, but it wasn’t easy. She yelled for the dog but didn’t hear the familiar sound of the nails on the floor boards that would usually calm her nerves. They would always lead her to her son. Now her heart wasnt just racing, she was also having trouble breathing.

She walked into the kitchen to grab her phone from it’s charger prepared to call her husband when she noticed the backdoor was open. Unlike him to leave the door ajar like that, her brain took note. She went to the door and rushed out and around the corner stopping when she heard her husband’s voice, finally, talking to the baby, dogs running around. They were deep into conversation and she didn’t want to interrupt. Now that she knew that they were ok she wanted to eavesdrop a little bit as her heart started slowing down her breathing returning to normal.

She loved to listen to her husband talk to their infant like he was a grown up. He would often tell him about his day, talk to him about who was around, or just explain random things to him like football rules, or how to work the remote control, why they have a record player but no records that kind of thing. She asked him once why.

“I was sitting there holding him one day just starring at him but not really interacting with him. He was looking at me like he expected something and I felt I wasn't delivering.  So,  I decided to talk to him but didn’t really know what to say” he told her. "That’s when it hit me that it didn’t matter what I said just that I was saying something for him to get used to my voice. It wasn't like he would know what I was talking about anyway." So now he talks to him about anything and everything.

“So what you need to do is water them, but not over water them, they don’t like a lot of water, their roots will rot." He said as he weeded a section of the garden, "Then you have to replace them all together. It’s much easier to just lightly water them in the morning. Plus, your mom loves these flowers. They give the house a nice smell but don’t overpower the rest of the garden so you want to keep these alive if at all possible. The biggest threat really is the moles, but that’s why I have this wooden barrier around it. That helps keep the moles out, but frankly a mole is going to go where it wants unless you trap it and get it out of there. That requires special equipment and gets a little messy.”

Then she watches as he stands up, dusts off, picks up the carrier and moves a few feet to the right setting it down then getting back on the ground himself.

“Now these over here they are annuals and you could set them on fire and they would still grow, but don’t set them on fire. They are awfully close to the house for that. What I mean is they are very hard to kill, even a mole can’t really get at them. They are very pretty in the fall but in the summer are kind of an eye sore, they do add a bit of green to the garden during the summer. So, they have their place during summer too. You have to remember the pay off for fall or you are libel to just pull them up. Mom’s not as wild about these as I am, but again that’s what makes it all work. The balance of this garden, every thing is planned out and it works.”

He stands up again to move to another part of the garden and sees her spying on them,  Hey darlin it was too nice a day to be inside, so we decided to play in the garden." She smiles and he smiles back, “Oh wow look what we have there, it’s that elusive mommy smile!" At that moment she burts into tears.

He snatches up the carrier and moves to his wife, “oh crap babe I’m sorry …. Here take him he’s getting a little red anyway." He kisses her cheek and walks back towards the garden "I’m going to grab a few tomatoes and we’ll make lunch!” she looks down at her little man.

“I…..I didn’t mean to make you guys stop. I shouldn't have come out here. I’m so sorry, I’ll go back inside” and she sets the carrier back down facing her husband and rushes inside still crying, fighting back a sob at this point.

He stands there for a second dumbfounded but picks up the carrier and follows her. “Mom’s a tick emotional, I mean it’s not easy to pop a small human out of your body without all haties breaking lose.” He sets the carrier on the kitchen counter, and turns on the faucet to wash his hands then the tomatoes. He know she can hear him from the living room and continues to talk to his son, “See mom’s have it tough after the birth cause they are suddenly being torn into like 26 directions and they don’t know which way to turn. If they turn left then the right might collapse and if they focus on the right the front might go down and don't even get me started on the back or the other 20 something sides. They always are concerned about what they aren’t doing even if what they really want is to focus on what they are doing. Mom’s ... they are silly.” He says as he takes the carrier and the fresh tomatoes to the middle island and takes out a chef’s knife to start slicing them up. “See it’s easier for a dad, dad’s job is simple. Make sure everyone is safe and taken care of. We are expected to go to work, bring home money, take care of the house, take the pictures, and provide entertainment for said family.”

He grabs the bread and starts spreading it with mayonnaise as he continues, “but mom’s they are expected to do all of that, literally provide food, and so much more and it’s sometimes overwhelming.” His son starts to cry, just cause that’s what a 3 month old does, “now now … don’t get me wrong mom loves you. You are the greatest thing we have ever done, but sometimes mom needs a break she just doesn’t know how to ask for said break, sometimes she isn’t aware that a break is even needed or an option.” As he gently rocks the carrier to calm his son, “so it’s also my job to remember to give mom that break without making her feel like I’m taking over, or saying she can’t do it all.” He leans in closer to his son, “truth is mom can do so much more than she gets credit for that if I’m not careful she’ll do my job too, then why will you guys need me?”

He plates up the sandwiches and walks into the living room handing his son to his wife and putting the plate in his lap.  He kisses her forehead, “I love you!” she smiles at him, “thank you” as she takes her son into her arms.

“Now let me tell you about your dad He is smart about a lot of things like the garden, and fixing things. He built most of your toys by himself with minimal cussing. He has almost mastered diapers and bathtime, and reads the best bedtime stories ... we are the luckiest people on the planet because we have him and no one can do his job like he can.  I say we keep him. What’s your vote?” then she looks over to her husband and they share a kiss as their son watches on, then he starts to fuss a little “I guess that makes it unanimous, you are stuck with us!” he smiles at her, "I want that in writing" taking a bite of his sandwich watching the love of his life being held by the other love of his life. 

----

So there you go. Short, a little sweet, and at times too much so. Hope you had a good 4th doing whatever it was you wanted to do with your holiday!

Marcy
@beaslma