Good lord, is it really August already? It has been a while since I posted something on here. That’s a bad Marcy. I typically strive for a post a month, or every other month, and frankly it sometimes stretches to “oh crap I forgot the blog” post times but that’s typically when life has frankly …. Gotten in the way. That and my lack of having anything useful to post which then leads me to not wanting to waste yall’s time so … I just…. Don’t…post. Then I feel a little bad about it.
Golden knows this ….. so for my Birthday/Crimmus gift she gave me a book ….. “A 5 Year Question a Day Memory Journal” cause she loves journaling. I guess I consider this blog my journal and I have started several journals over the years but never kept one going, not really anyway. I think of things to write about all damn day until I sit still long enough to actually write then it all flies out of my brain. Sadly however I leafed through this book and like some of the questions are … well like who wrote this thing?!
For clarity here are a few sample questions ….
- Do you think people really can change?
- Morning person or night owl?
- Describe your worst overreaction.
- My biggest source of stress comes from …..
- How quickly do you get back up when life knocks you down?
- Who was the last person you hurt?
- What is something you would never compromise on?
- What was the last question you asked someone?
Now these are random like I opened a page and wrote down what I saw. Now I’m not saying all the pages are … bad I’m just saying nothing jumped out at me as something to write about or worthy of wasting your eye time with. Then again that’s the point I guess. To get back into the habit of taking a subject, any subject and making it interesting. I’m frankly struggling to find the interesting in anything at the moment. I can’t even call it the can’t help it’s ….. I just have zero desire to do literally a damn thing. I have thought several times about seeking some help and it might come to that but for now I’m trying to get to Dragon Con and hope after a week or so of “chilling” if you can call Dragon Con chilling, that my battery will recharge enough that I reenter society for lack of a better word. Granted I’m not, nor have I ever been, a social butterfly but the idea that someone somewhere might want to do something sends me almost into a blind panic somedays.
A few weeks ago, a coworker said something about not waking up and thus something not getting taken care of and it fell out of my mouth before I even thought it, “I dream about that every night” She was shocked and now “prays” for me and checks on me throughout the day. I really don’t know where that came from but I also realized in that moment I wasn’t wrong. Part of me would love to lay down go to sleep and just call it a day. Hence why I’m thinking I might need to go talk with someone professional.
It also hasn’t helped that work has just about killed me. I’ve been maxed out on PTO since the first of June but have been unable to take any cause we have had wave after wave of submittals hit us, and you can’t work OT and charge Vacation so on the rare occasions I have taken a long lunch or left early it wasn’t even considered PTO time, plus training a new employee (whose doing an amazing job), it’s just been an onslaught of BS since I’ll say March, and I could likely trace it back further than that if I tried. As a matter of fact when I looked up and realized I missed the “summer” break I was shook. Yet…here we are. August 14th, just weeks for Dragon Con and yet all of me fears something is going to screw that trip up. Honestly guys at this point I’m not sure that’s something I could handle. That could quite possibly send me right over the edge of this cliff I’m standing on. My boss made a comment about me being gone 2 weeks (it’s just under but who is counting) and when I didn’t respond I think he realized how bad it really is.
I’m leaving on a Tuesday to go to Birmingham, then Wed we travel to Dragon Con and I will be coming home from Dragon Con the following Tuesday. However I am taking all that next week off as well cause well damnit I want to. My nephew’s engagement party is that Saturday and I didn’t want to come home exhausted, go back to work exhausted, and jump back in a car to drive up for the party…exhausted. So I’m gonna take a few “me days” to recover from Dragon Con and go back to work that following Monday. It will be by far the longest time I’ve been away from the office and when I tell you I plan to be away from the office I mean it. This is the first weekend in 2 months I haven’t opened my laptop to “get ahead” and all of me both feels guilty about it and also very proud of me. I need this … and damit I’m going to take it. It’s been about 2 years since I had a proper vacation and it’s about damn time!
So here’s to getting through the next two weeks so that I can enjoy the weeks to follow!
Stay tuned for Dragon Con shenanigans lord knows I need em.
Marcy
