The Can’t Help Its ….

That’s what I have. When I was little and having a bad day mom would say “you have a case of the Can’t help its” and I never really understood that until now. While I don’t know the “official” definition …… Can’t help its in my world anyway is basically the feeling or a phase where whatever you are doing you immediately don’t want to do but you really don’t want to do anything else either. So you walk around aimlessly from one thing to another not really putting any effort or heart into said thing until you basically just stop walking around aimlessly. It’s not the same as lazy tho it sounds that way …. I’ve been lazy before too…the difference is the effort involved. When you have the Can’t help its you at least make the effort to see that things need to be taken care of … lazy just pretends that there is nothing there to do so you can continue to be lazy. The best I can describe it by is when someone now says "you've got a case of the Mondays!" but it last all day, all week, all month until you say ok that's enough and break out of it.  

Tho I think I know why I am feeling that way. I would imagine a lot of you are in the same boat as everyone around us keeps reminding us that March was when all hell literally broke loose across the Country.

3/16/2021 marks the 1-year anniversary of my working from home (WFH – as my boss calls it) due to Big Rona. I know this cause on March 16th I was suppose to get on a plane and go to Tampa for a conference. We were leaving on Monday (the 16th) and would return home on Wed the 18th. On Friday morning the 13th we got notice that the conference was being cancelled, after spending several days trying to decide what to do. If we bailed, we paid, if it was cancelled we might get some of it back. So, we spent most of the day cancelling hotel rooms and flights (I think I still have a flight voucher that may or may not be expiring soon … who knows). On that Sunday, the 15th my boss made the call that we would work from home that week. The plan was to take it week by week, a few weeks into it and they shut down the office. We have yet to go back.

At first, I didn’t think it would work but also didn’t think it would last long so I thought ok I can do this. I just needed to focus. I always thought I was one of those that couldn’t work from home, then I thrived in it and was getting more done that I could have imagined because I realized that the distractions of the office weren’t a thing anymore. The co-worker without as much to do stopping by to chatt, the co-workers not asking me to find x…y…z… cause they didn’t know how or didn’t want to (easier to ask than do) – not being down the hall they had to find it themselves – they’d hit me up on Teams and I’d tell them how to get there … it was quite liberating. Not to mention the other mundane office things like going to lunch, fixing that Mfing printer like I’m IT, the conversation about where to go to lunch, figuring out that we are out of supplies and getting them ordered, inviting others to join us for lunch then the discussion about how they didn’t want to go where everyone else did and how did we feel about xx, calling IT when I can’t fix the Mfing printer, the coming back from lunch late - cause well it takes time for 3 or 4 people to get in a car, decide where to go, get there, order, wait for the food to come, eat, pay (seriously the hardest part most days), and make the return trip back to the office. Plus, the let’s chat about this or that when it comes to projects, and meetings endless … endless meetings that we now hopefully understand could have been e-mails. There’s a lot that goes into one’s day in an office that doesn’t make it on a timesheet guys.

My office was “technically” open, but my super amazing boss left it up to each of us to decide our level of comfort in going into the office. Especially when he realized that some of our “in the office colleagues” weren’t following the “safe at work” mandates such as wearing masks in common areas, social distancing within the office (AKA if I’m in my office don’t come behind my desk but chill in the door please), or the filling out of the “SAW form” that was supposed to act as the gate keeping by giving one access to the office if they filled it out correctly or even at all. No one seemed interested in enforcing these polices so he said to stay home unless we HAD to go in and then go, do what we needed to do and get out. I love him for many reasons but will ALWAYS love him for that alone.

I admit that some days I was more productive than others. However I also admit that I have not missed an hour of work since this happened, not even a vacation day. Well that’s not true I took one day off to take dad to have a procedure done at the hospital (sat in my car for 6 hours waiting on him to come back out – I did have two calls about submittals I was working on but basically just played on my phone. Then I also took half a day when I got the first vaccine shot (I get my 2nd shot later this month!). Otherwise I’ve been at my PC logged in and working every day for the last year. It’s starting to catch up with me guys. Hence my Can’t Help its” diagnosis. I’ve talked here before about how the second my feet hit the floor I’m doing something for everyone around me that my energy to do anything for me is dead. My downtime is now “taking a shower.” Unless I’m in my bed someone is pulling on some part of me asking me to do, to help, to see, to get, to take care of whatever. Part of me is hoping the 2nd shot sends me to my sick bed for several days just for the “break” but I also know that that will be in a critical work moment and won’t be able to do that. My father had the 2nd shot about 3 weeks ago, my mom is a week into her 2nd shot. So I think they would be ok if I did but it would give me a great excuse to lay in bed for a day which is really all I want for Christmas Charlie Brown!

In Feb I realized that I needed to do something about my weight and get serious about it. I started an aerobics/cardio program that I found on youtube and it was really great for about a week. I have a reoccurring knee injury (from high school Volleyball) that flares up from time to time and in Feb it flared up HARD. I am not talking about it was just a little sore I am talking about being unable to put any weight on it at all. I was this close to going to the doctor when I made a sudden movement not thinking when my mom’s biscuit bowl was about to fall off the counter (and we can’t have that her biscuits are that good) and my knee popped. It hurt yall. I cried, my dad came from the other room to check on me, mom was reaching for the phone to call 911…  it was that bad yall. Then I went to move and realized I could use it again. It still cracks and pops every time I move it but it doesn’t hurt anymore. So that’s helping. I still don’t fully trust it but as long as I keep it a little bit bent I can function with it now. Being in pain that long didn’t help my state of mind. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do things at that point I physically was unable to do things.

I am hearing rumblings that we will be heading back to the office soon even if we aren’t ready … frankly I’m happy they have given us this long cause I really didn’t see them doing that. I figured the second they were legally able they were going to call us “home” and I guess they kind of are. I refuse to even discuss it until after my 14 days after my shot. 

So a few goals for the next few months. 

• Safely transition back to working in my office 
• Getting back into the habit of dressing like a normal human who must go out in the world (AKA no sweat pants)
• Sleep .... good lord I need to get back on a normal sleep pattern STAT 
• Going to see Golden in May even if we do nothing at all I want to breathe the same air as her (she had both shots of the vaccine about a month ago) 
• Not having a panic attack at the thought of leaving my house 
• Watching the Auburn Tigers at the SEC Gymnastics Championship (I won't be there in person but in spirit for sure!) 
• Getting a freaking haircut (the first place I plan to go after my 14 days btw) it's been OVER a year officially now guys, i'm thinking closer to a year and a half
• Get my 2nd shot and getting through my 14 day period before having to function in the world again
• Feeling comfortable enough to really be around my co workers again 
• Convince my brother and SIL to get the vaccine ASAP
• Watch the freaking Olympics .... I need the Olympics to happen this year ... Invicitus has already been cancelled .... I NEED the Olympics ... at this point I'd even listen to Tim Daggett instead of muting my phone
• Continue to not get sick ... and hopefully the rest of my family can say the same 

Those are the things I hope to accomplish between now and May 2021. Nothing that will set the world on fire for sure but things I need to focus on right now. 

Wish me luck that I get off my arse and get it done.

Marcy

PS I was going to add fun pictures throughout this but my PC was like nah we are good and wouldn't let me :(