Make time for friends ….

I just got home from having dinner with a few dear friends. Every time we leave we say let’s not let this much time lapse before we do this again. We all used to work together but life has taken us on different paths and now it’s like an event when we get together. It takes weeks to set a date that works for everyone. Then we start the process of deciding where we are going to go. I hate that. The biggest decision is picking a place with good adult beverages. Since I usually get the same adult beverage, a jack and coke, it really does not matter to me where we go, just that we go is what’s important to me. One decision we never have to make … what time. The time is always as fast as you can get there after work.

It’s weird when people come and go in your life, like one day they are there and in your everyday world then boom all of the sudden they are gone and in your every once in a while life. It’s funny how quickly that happens. They don’t teach you that in school. How to deal with your support person’s absence. There are some people who just get it, they understand what you are going through, either because they are in it too or they have been in it, and to wake up one day and realize they aren’t around is difficult. However life being what it is you learn to deal, learn to get by without that person until you hang out with them and the ache is back.

I have another ex-work friend, not the one I had dinner with tonight, who has breast cancer. She’s an older lady who was looking forward to retirement when her body screwed her and she was diagnosed with pretty aggressive cancer. She still retired, just delayed her travel plans and while we still keep in touch but it’s not the same. Instead of every day check ins  as we pass one another in the hallways, or hurried lunches, we now do quick text messages to say "hi" or "how’s it going" or the one that really hurts ... "I miss you!" She and I have been trying to get together for lunch for nearly two months. Before DragonCon I was super busy at work and just couldn’t get away, after the Con I was sick and didn’t want to be around in her in an already compromised state. I miss her, I really do. I want to see her, I want to talk to her, when we get together her hug gets a little tighter and a lot longer. It’s almost like neither of us want to let go for fear that it could be the last time we get that hug.

I have some friends I grew up with that I can go months without thinking about and then someone sends a text or a facebook message and we all jump on board and have dinner or meet at one of their houses and we spend hours catching up. These ladies remind me of my childhood. We laugh about things only they would understand cause they lived it with me. When I’m around them I’m reminded of the good days, the fun we had and I can’t think of why we’ve gone an hour not talking to one another let alone months or sadly years. We talk about their husbands, their kids, their divorces, and it’s crazy to me that life has happened while we aren’t paying attention.

I have another ex co-worker who was like my rock, the one I went to when I was having a horrible day and needed to be talked off my ledge I haven’t seen or talked to in several years. When she left we got together a few times for dinner or drinks after work, caught up on life and the drama of the office but it’s been literally years since I’ve talked to her. I keep thinking I’ll call her then don’t. I think about it at such odd ball times like early in the morning at an ungodly hour when no one should be awake much less calling others, or late at night when on the other side of that spectrum. I keep saying it’s ok cause she hasn’t called me either but the truth is I miss her and I’m going to set an alarm on my phone to call her this weekend.

That’s all it takes. That one person to pick up the phone, to send a text, or e-mail or message on social media to spark that connection again. Once that initial contact is made it’s all about keeping it going. I’ve always felt like the people that really matter will be around, but sometimes those people also need a shove. So consider this your shove dear reader. Get on your phone and contact that person you’ve been thinking about before it’s too late. You’ll be glad you did and you’ll thank me for it. Who knows maybe you’ll learn that the person has drifted away for a reason and you can stop obsessing or thinking about that person or you’ll reconnect that relationship that you really need in your life for your sanity.

Good luck – Marcy