New Experience : Live Christmas Tree

So dear reader, I’m at an age, that I’m not going to disclose to you – tho if you have been reading closely could likely figure it out – in which it’s very hard to have new experiences. However, this past weekend I did just that. I had a brand new to me experience that I’d like to share.

See for my many, many years we have climbed into our attic drug down some boxes and assembled our Christmas tree usually as Christmas music played in the background and my brother and I fighting on which ornaments we wanted to put on the tree. See we’d assemble the tree, then we’d have to check the lights and untangle them. Then we’d each pull out our favorite ornaments which always had to have prominence on the tree. Then often involved moving other’s favorite ornaments and moving them to the back of the tree. That would require strategic and careful planning over the next few weeks to ensure that your ornaments didn’t get moved around. I myself had several that I would pull off the tree to play with before returning them to the tree. The point is that it was a very interesting experience that resulted in several smashed fingers as we pulled boxes out of the attic and carried them into the living room inevitably banging our knuckles on the door frames as we walked. At some point in the afternoon my brother and I would wander off losing interest and come back out of our rooms to find that my mom had single handedly transformed our house into a Christmas masterpiece straight out of a magazine.

We have been fighting Christmas decorating cause my mother recently had hip surgery and while it has gone amazingly we had no idea what to expect. The last thing I wanted was a lot of “junk” lying around that she would have to maneuver around. It also seemed silly to decorate if she was going to be in a rehab facility for the entire month, meaning we wouldn’t really be around to enjoy any of it either cause we’d be visiting her. See, last year at this time, we nearly lost my mother to a bleeding ulcer that has perforated, and she was bleeding internally. So last year, mom was just getting out of rehab about this time and we didn’t really decorate for Christmas. We went to my brother’s house but our house had very little Christmas joy inside of it. Because of that this year my father decided he wanted to go all out. 

WE GOT A LIVE TREE YALL!!!!!  

We didn’t go cut it down ourselves mind you but went to a Christmas Tree lot near our house, picked it out, brought it home. On the way to pick up the tree my father told me that once while he was hunting and SHOT DOWN a Christmas tree cause he didn’t have an axe. Then he drug it all the way home to give to his mother. I had no idea my father had it in him. It was a fun morning the young man we bought the tree from never took the cigarette out of his mouth as he sold us the tree, cut off the bottom to the right height, and loaded it into my dad’s truck. He informed us that he has to stay there 24/7 cause he’s also security. I was shocked and frankly there doesn’t appear to be any place for him to stay. I hope he’s paid well. I gave him a $5 tip and I thought my dad was going to plotz. 

Then we carried it from the car into the house and almost took out a lamp and the ceiling fan as we brought it into our living room. Needles were every where. And I mean every where. We then had to go into the attic to find the precious ornaments and lights. I decorated it while mom picked the ornaments she wanted to put on the tree for a change. 

I think it turned our rather pretty. I will admit I miss the things that a fake tree gives you. We have several LARGE ornaments that this live tree just isn’t ready for. I missed being able to take a branch and fold in back onto itself to allow it to hold a heaver ornament. We’ve had a few fall only to catch at the last minute before tragedy took place. I fear we won’t always be there to protect the precious darlings. 

My father did well, it’s starting to feel like Christmas now, even if the real tree doesn’t quite smell like the fake one did with evergreen sticks hidden inside it.

So Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Happy Haunakuah/Happy Kwanzaa/Happy whatever. Here’s to the new yar, may 2020 be a good one for us all. Have a safe holiday season wherever you are and I hope you’ll still be around to read my ramblings in the new year.

Marcy
@beaslma

Crimmus Time Really?

I got a case of the Charlie Browns. I'm not saying that out of all the Charlie Brown's in the world, that I would be the Charlie Brownest, but it's getting pretty damn close.

Usually by now I've got all my trees up, yes ALL! I put up a themed tree in every room. But not this year. So far I have the big one up in my bedroom and it's decorated. I also put the big one up in the living room. It's a total hassle. I put the lights on it and the little twinkling star on top....and then was like fuck it, I'll put the ornaments on it tomorrow.

I'm embarrassed to admit, that took place Sunday...and yeah still no ornaments. That's it. I still have 5 more trees that I usually put up and decorate. I love crimmus trees. They appeal to the kid in me. When I was a little golden, after we put up our tree, I always spent the first night laying underneath it looking into the lights, all sparkling and bouncing their magnificent reflection off the glass and glittery ornaments. It's the closest I will ever get to riding a magical unicorn through a rainbow meadow. It was glorious!

Not me but this is what it would have looked like if someone had taken a picture of me in my blissful state

But I'm just not feeling it this year. It just doesn't feel like crimmus. At least not to me. And at least not yet. I thought if I went through the motions the emotions would follow. They haven't. I will decorate my main tree, because it looks real stupid and sad. But my 5 other trees will march their sad asses back to storage.

 

So I wonder what's the deal?! Could it be that it's 70℉? Maybe. Having cold weather usually does signify crimmus time to me. But that really can't be it. People all over celebrate crimmus. Crimmus doesn't cease to exist because people live in warmer climates. Maybe it's my work schedule. I work in Mental Health care and so we work year round. But I actually made the executive decision to take off crimmus day Thursday and Friday after. So this year I get to spend a long lazy day with my family instead of trying to cram all the holiday cheer in an hour or two. Maybe it's the fact that i'm getting real uncomfortable when people ask me what I want for crimmus. I don't want anything, but people don't really like that answer. It's just that there's nothing I need. And honestly the things I want can't be bought.

Oh fucking hell! Is it... Is this... Could it be that I'm, like growing up and stuff?! Is this what adults feel like? Oh good christ I hope not! This sucks ass! Surely adults don't walk around in an internal funky state. No wonder adults have all those face wrinkles.

Calm down, Lets see. I wore a glow-in-the-dark t-shirt to work today with my Marvel Vans. I carry my Hello Kitty wallet in my classic style Rainbow Brite backpack. I practiced an improvised ice skating routing on the kitchen floor with my pup LuLu. I stayed up all night watching cartoons. And I firmly believe in the right to eat cold pizza for breakfast and hot eggs and waffles for dinner. I also maintain a pretty fucking sweet sticker collection.

 

So maybe it's not the dreaded adulthood thing. Who knows what it is. All I know is that I am so the mayor of funksville. Hopefully the tide will change and I will be able to be bitch slapped by the holiday spirit. Hopefully it will happen soon cause this pseudo-adulthood sucks balls.

 

-golden (@theonlygolden)