2016 Christmas TV Schedule

PLEASE find below a Jpeg of the 2016 Christmas TV Schedule. Once again, the calendar is set up in 11X17 format but if you have to print it 8.5x11 it is readable, but if you can print it 11X17 your eyes will thank you. The best way is to save the JPEG to your favorite portable device and zoom in and out, tho it breaks up some the more you zoom. If you would like a PDF send me a DM on twitter (@beaslma) and I'll send it your way.

This year I tried to highlight new specials (meaning had not aired previously before Jan. 1, 2016) in RED but as they are new be mindful of what you and your family sit down to watch. I vouch not for their quality, their rating level, or even their sappiness. I for one had to look up who Taraji was, why her holiday was white hot, and if that was a good thing or not. To save you the same trouble, it turns out she’s on Empire, a show that hasn’t graced my eye holes but I understand for those that have viewed it… they like it. Hence she gets her own holiday show Dec. 8^th on Fox. There are some new shows, some old classics, and some mediocre stuff that just fills the time slots throughout the month, some of which made this calendar.

I found a good list on the TV Guide channel’s website of specials/shows coming on with great descriptions but they failed to list what CHANNEL the shows/specials would air on. I found this less than helpful. Come on TV Guide Channel you are better than that, or you used to be (PS there’s a reason not many “get a TV guide anymore” … just saying.

Hallmark, Hallmark Movies and Mysteries (HMM on the calendar btw), Lifetime, and Lifetime Movie Network have been vomiting Christmas themed movies since like last October (meaning 2015) it seems so only a hand full of theirs made the listings. That being said Lifetime decided to only release the first week or so of December, cause yeah that totally makes sense. It’s like they hate my calendar…but that can’t be true, everyone loves the Calendar…EVERYONE! Right?!

It’s amazing to me really that they take the same concept, really the same story, change to a different “snow covered town,” change out the actors (usually Candance Cameron Bure for Lacey Chabert (from Party of Five fame, and Meg on the 1^st season of Family Guy, and Eliza on the Wild Thornberrys—didn’t know that did you? See you learned something by reading my rambling. Good for you!)), add a super cute guy who has lived in said “snow covered town” his entire life, put a new title on the movie and we got us a show!

As always there are guidelines. . . .

First . . .  a few guidelines:

·         NO E-MAILS about taking Christ out of Christmas, it’s just a really long word and using X-Mas allows for more shows on the already full calendar.

§  Thanks for your understanding.

§  For those that don’t understand I’ll be glad to remove you from the list just let me know.

·         I live in the central time zone, the times on this calendar reflect that, adjust accordingly.

§  That said unless otherwise stated the times are PM

·         This calendar does not focus on established shows “Christmas special episodes” so watch out for those … some are fun to re-watch this time of year. Psych for one has a great Christmas episode, and so did How I Met Your Mother, Friends, Wings, Family Ties, and other established shows.

o    Again, that is not what this is about. 

·         This calendar contains shows I want to see, so a mixture of adult themed shows/movies and kid themed shows/movies are represented. Some are classics and some are new, so PLEASE be mindful of what is on before you sit the kids down with popcorn to watch.

§  Don’t call me cause your little one watched some holiday movie on Lifetime and now has “questions”. . . . that’s your mess not mine.

¾      Please NOTE: The Disney version of a Christmas Carol (AKA the computer animated Jim Carrey version) is a little dark and can be scary (much like the original story btw), you might want to check it out before you and little man/lady plop down with popcorn and a blanket to “watch a classic” that may also result in sleepless nights for both you and said child. Not me I’ll be sleeping like a baby like an adult.  

·         Keep an eye out for additional shows/movies that pop up throughout the month as networks change their lineups.

·         Feel free to add your own specials and traditions to the calendar that’s what it is there for.

·         As stated some channels have been vomiting Holiday specials for several months so if a network had several great specials in a row I only listed one figuring you’d be alerted to the others, hey something had to give right!?

·         For you stay at home mom’s they run specials all day long and for the most part my calendar focuses on the after work hour times since that is when I can watch.

¾      That’s right it’s all about me I just share the wealth cause I’m awesome like that!

A few programs of note:

·         A Charlie Brown Christmas – ABC Dec. 1^st with repeat showing on Dec. 22^nd. A must viewing if you have little people in your life, even if they aren’t in the room, better yet tie them to a chair and force them to watch. They will thank you one day, if you know… social services will let them.

o    My lawyer has informed me that actively suggesting that you tie your kids to a chair might result in well you tying your kid to a chair, I don’t not condone that and don’t support it at least that’s what her statement said to write.

·         I can only find A Christmas Story during the TBS Christmas Day Marathon so make sure you work it into your Christmas celebrations.

¾         Bless you Ted Turner, you crazy old man, may this tradition live forever!!

¾         I think it’s a rule you watch at least once.

o    If it’s not a rule it should be.

·         National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, one of the best movies ever, comes on several times this year. If you don’t know the joy of Chevy Chase finally getting the lights to work…well I feel sorry for you and your family and the people that know you because you are missing the joy in your life. Correct that this year please!

·         IT’s A Wonderful Life – Dec. 3^rd on NBC Repeats on Dec. 24^th

·         The “boys” in my life informed me that DIEHARD should have been on the calendar …. boys are silly … however and I couldn’t find it showing anywhere so yeah there’s that. If you all find it let me know so I can let them know.

o    Sorry fellas. I tried, kinda.

A few programs of note that are not “Christmas” related but interesting enough to make the calendar include:

o    CNN Heroes: An All Star Tribute – Dec. 11^th – it’s nice seeing that in a world full of insanity there are some people out there trying to do good and are being recognized for it. It’s a really inspirational night even if this year you have to deal with Kelly Rippa, so check it out.

o    Could have been worse, could have been Kathy Griffin, for the love of all that is good CNN please don’t make me suffer through that!!!!

o    Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show – Dec. 5^th on CBS – a dear friend of mine loves this and insists that it go on the calendar every year, she’s the boss.

Anyway, the intention of this calendar, much like the Halloween one is to get your family to pause and spend some time together making memories. In this season where we spend so much time rushing around we forget to enjoy the down time and enjoy the family time. Great specials come and go and if we don’t watch they will go forever.

Today’s “classic Christmas special” may be next year’s no show on the calendar. That’s the other reason for this calendar, if we stop watching they will stop showing. I’m looking at you CBS and Yes Virginia which I’m sure is airing but I can’t find out when so keep an eye out for it. The point is, just because you have The Grinch (which is not on this calendar nearly enough (NOTE: I can’t tell if it’s animated or the movie anymore and I’m NOT ok with that, when I could tell I marked it (TOON)) on your shelf or Charlie Brown Christmas (which comes on twice this year), take the time to watch it with your family as it airs so that it will air for years to come.  If not for me do it for the children, as they are our future, according to some nice lady.

So sit back, laugh, smile, and cry (some of these are sad, I mean who doesn’t cry when George Bailey is standing next to the tree with Mary and his friends are coming in to save the Bailey Savings and Loan, oh no did I give the end away ?!) and have a GREAT Christmas!

Marcy (@beaslma)

Crimmus Time Really?

I got a case of the Charlie Browns. I'm not saying that out of all the Charlie Brown's in the world, that I would be the Charlie Brownest, but it's getting pretty damn close.

Usually by now I've got all my trees up, yes ALL! I put up a themed tree in every room. But not this year. So far I have the big one up in my bedroom and it's decorated. I also put the big one up in the living room. It's a total hassle. I put the lights on it and the little twinkling star on top....and then was like fuck it, I'll put the ornaments on it tomorrow.

I'm embarrassed to admit, that took place Sunday...and yeah still no ornaments. That's it. I still have 5 more trees that I usually put up and decorate. I love crimmus trees. They appeal to the kid in me. When I was a little golden, after we put up our tree, I always spent the first night laying underneath it looking into the lights, all sparkling and bouncing their magnificent reflection off the glass and glittery ornaments. It's the closest I will ever get to riding a magical unicorn through a rainbow meadow. It was glorious!

Not me but this is what it would have looked like if someone had taken a picture of me in my blissful state

But I'm just not feeling it this year. It just doesn't feel like crimmus. At least not to me. And at least not yet. I thought if I went through the motions the emotions would follow. They haven't. I will decorate my main tree, because it looks real stupid and sad. But my 5 other trees will march their sad asses back to storage.

 

So I wonder what's the deal?! Could it be that it's 70℉? Maybe. Having cold weather usually does signify crimmus time to me. But that really can't be it. People all over celebrate crimmus. Crimmus doesn't cease to exist because people live in warmer climates. Maybe it's my work schedule. I work in Mental Health care and so we work year round. But I actually made the executive decision to take off crimmus day Thursday and Friday after. So this year I get to spend a long lazy day with my family instead of trying to cram all the holiday cheer in an hour or two. Maybe it's the fact that i'm getting real uncomfortable when people ask me what I want for crimmus. I don't want anything, but people don't really like that answer. It's just that there's nothing I need. And honestly the things I want can't be bought.

Oh fucking hell! Is it... Is this... Could it be that I'm, like growing up and stuff?! Is this what adults feel like? Oh good christ I hope not! This sucks ass! Surely adults don't walk around in an internal funky state. No wonder adults have all those face wrinkles.

Calm down, Lets see. I wore a glow-in-the-dark t-shirt to work today with my Marvel Vans. I carry my Hello Kitty wallet in my classic style Rainbow Brite backpack. I practiced an improvised ice skating routing on the kitchen floor with my pup LuLu. I stayed up all night watching cartoons. And I firmly believe in the right to eat cold pizza for breakfast and hot eggs and waffles for dinner. I also maintain a pretty fucking sweet sticker collection.

 

So maybe it's not the dreaded adulthood thing. Who knows what it is. All I know is that I am so the mayor of funksville. Hopefully the tide will change and I will be able to be bitch slapped by the holiday spirit. Hopefully it will happen soon cause this pseudo-adulthood sucks balls.

 

-golden (@theonlygolden)

Thankfulness Challenge - Day 25

Tomorrow is the most annoying day on the planet. It’s the day that ABC shows A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (at 8/7 central). While I love Charles Schulz and the care, love, and creativity he gave to his Peanut characters I have to admit my least favorite of all the Peanuts TV specials is the Thanksgiving one.

It completely stresses me out, Peppermint Patty is a bitch, everyone is mean to Snoopy, Charlie Brown needs to be punched in the face, and why in the world is Linus even involved? The gist of the story, cause I think at this point in the game there are no spoilers, Peppermint Patty finds out that she isn’t going to get Thanksgiving Dinner, and invites herself and Marcie over to Charlie Brown’s house for Thanksgiving dinner. Charlie Brown, who is planning to go to his grandmother’s with his family, stampers and has no backbone to say hey Peppermint Patty get your own turkey I’m not going to be home! Then for some reason Linus is all don’t worry I’ll help you then bosses Snoopy and Woodstock around for the rest of the show and never once appears to appreciate it. Then as they are getting ready for Peppermint Patty and Marcie, Peppermint Patty calls and says hey Franklin is going to come too cause that totally makes sense. Charlie Brown again instead of saying um ..yeah no … just says come on over. Then tells his “crew” hey set another chair while I walk around being completely useless. Then Peppermint Patty, Marcie, Franklin, Charlie Brown, Sally, sit down to dinner (I can’t remember if Lucy was there) and then Peppermint Patty has the audacity to complain about the dinner that Snoopy and Woodstock prepared for them. At that moment instead of Charlie Brown saying you know what you stupid bitch I didn’t even want you to come over, I had plans and now you are going to be mean to my DOG and his bird friend who made you dinner ? You know what get out just get out now! …. No he didn’t do any of that. He got so upset, was mean to Snoopy and walked away from the table. Sulking about how “stupid” he was. I’ve never hated him more in my life then at that moment. Then Peppermint Patty goes to apologize to CHARLIE BROWN … not Snoopy but “Chuck.” Then as the two of them are having a moment Charlie Brown’s grandma calls to say what time they need to come over and he’s all but my friends are here so I don’t think we can come and she’s all bring em so they all pack up into the station wagon and leave Snoopy and Woodstock behind. They then sit down and have a proper quiet dinner and finally seem happy. Then it goes off as Charlie and his friends are singing “To Grandmother’s House We Go.”

So as you can tell it’s my least favorite Peanuts special. I usually end up watching it anyway but by the end of it feel like I need a drink or a nerve pill. Over the years watching my family Thanksgiving dinners I’ve come to see the genius that is Charles Schulz. Peppermint Patty is the auntie who invites herself to dinner, not cause she really wants to be there but because it’s Thanksgiving and she feels like she should.  Charlie Brown is the family member who wants to please everyone not matter how it makes him feel. Snoopy is the mom who slaved over a hot stove/oven to very little appreciation. Linus is the family member who comes in and takes over hoping that the day will go smoother with their direction but not really helping anything actually come together. Charles Schulz perfectly captures the feelings and thoughts of a Thanksgiving dinner and placed it into a children’s program. Even at the end with the kids singing as they drive to Grandma’s is perfect cause no matter what’s going on in the house the kids usually have a blast and never realize there was tension.

I’m thankful that as an Adult I can fully see the genius that is Charles Schulz and where he was going with this story and thankful that he’s taught me how to act on Thanksgiving through it. So sit down tomorrow night and enjoy A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving at 8/7 central on ABC and then on Thanksgiving Day take a moment to tell the cook thank you, to tell the host you appreciate them letting you come over, and give thanks for having a place to go and people to be with. Then have a drink.

PS have you heard ... there's going to be a new Peanuts movie this time next year ! I'm so excited !!!

 

 

--Marcy