Baby Talk

I don't know what it is about Holidays that make me want to write. Maybe it is that 8 hour span where I don't really have anything to do, or nothing expected of me maybe it's just that my brain wants a vacation so .… I was looking earlier for a "writing prompt" and didn't really see any that jumped out at me as something I wanted to take forward. So I opened up word and just touched my keyboard. This was the result ….. I have no idea where it came from. I'm not a mom … I don't have a 3 month old, I don't even know anyone with a three month old but when I started typing this is what came out.

~~ Baby Talk ~~ 

She felt human after emerging from the shower, clean hair, fresh clothes, she felt like she was ready to conquer the world again. She was grateful to the man who made this happen for her. As she walked through the house she couldn’t help but notice how quiet it was. That had not happened in over three months. A small part of her started to panic but the other part of her said calm down I’m sure everything is fine, but her pace quickened as she got into the Livingroom. Often, she finds them snuggling on the couch, dogs at their feet or being used as pillows. She popped over the back of the couch, but found nothing not even a dent where they were previously snuggled up.

Before she went into full panic attack mode she decided to look around maybe she just missed them. She backtracked to the bedrooms thinking they have to be back here, they just have to be, but upon entering her new son’s room she found it empty and sickeningly quiet. The toys from last night still in the floor, nothing in the crib, nothing new in the wastebasket. Even the rocking chair mocked her by being unnervingly still. They were gone. The baby’s room faced the driveway, she looked and the car was there. Where in the world did they go she wondered as her heart started to race a bit more than she would like.  

Her brain told her that they were fine, and she knew that to likely be true, but it didn’t stop her head from also coming up with the alternative. Whenever they were not where she was she missed them with a ache she never thought she’d have, especially when she couldn’t hear them playing - sometimes that was enough to calm her down - sometimes. She knew being a new mom was going to have its challenges, but she always felt like that was one that she really didnt need to worry about. These panic attacks whenever he was out of her sight was something she didn’t anticipate and didn’t know how to stop. She was working on it, but it wasn’t easy. She yelled for the dog but didn’t hear the familiar sound of the nails on the floor boards that would usually calm her nerves. They would always lead her to her son. Now her heart wasnt just racing, she was also having trouble breathing.

She walked into the kitchen to grab her phone from it’s charger prepared to call her husband when she noticed the backdoor was open. Unlike him to leave the door ajar like that, her brain took note. She went to the door and rushed out and around the corner stopping when she heard her husband’s voice, finally, talking to the baby, dogs running around. They were deep into conversation and she didn’t want to interrupt. Now that she knew that they were ok she wanted to eavesdrop a little bit as her heart started slowing down her breathing returning to normal.

She loved to listen to her husband talk to their infant like he was a grown up. He would often tell him about his day, talk to him about who was around, or just explain random things to him like football rules, or how to work the remote control, why they have a record player but no records that kind of thing. She asked him once why.

“I was sitting there holding him one day just starring at him but not really interacting with him. He was looking at me like he expected something and I felt I wasn't delivering.  So,  I decided to talk to him but didn’t really know what to say” he told her. "That’s when it hit me that it didn’t matter what I said just that I was saying something for him to get used to my voice. It wasn't like he would know what I was talking about anyway." So now he talks to him about anything and everything.

“So what you need to do is water them, but not over water them, they don’t like a lot of water, their roots will rot." He said as he weeded a section of the garden, "Then you have to replace them all together. It’s much easier to just lightly water them in the morning. Plus, your mom loves these flowers. They give the house a nice smell but don’t overpower the rest of the garden so you want to keep these alive if at all possible. The biggest threat really is the moles, but that’s why I have this wooden barrier around it. That helps keep the moles out, but frankly a mole is going to go where it wants unless you trap it and get it out of there. That requires special equipment and gets a little messy.”

Then she watches as he stands up, dusts off, picks up the carrier and moves a few feet to the right setting it down then getting back on the ground himself.

“Now these over here they are annuals and you could set them on fire and they would still grow, but don’t set them on fire. They are awfully close to the house for that. What I mean is they are very hard to kill, even a mole can’t really get at them. They are very pretty in the fall but in the summer are kind of an eye sore, they do add a bit of green to the garden during the summer. So, they have their place during summer too. You have to remember the pay off for fall or you are libel to just pull them up. Mom’s not as wild about these as I am, but again that’s what makes it all work. The balance of this garden, every thing is planned out and it works.”

He stands up again to move to another part of the garden and sees her spying on them,  Hey darlin it was too nice a day to be inside, so we decided to play in the garden." She smiles and he smiles back, “Oh wow look what we have there, it’s that elusive mommy smile!" At that moment she burts into tears.

He snatches up the carrier and moves to his wife, “oh crap babe I’m sorry …. Here take him he’s getting a little red anyway." He kisses her cheek and walks back towards the garden "I’m going to grab a few tomatoes and we’ll make lunch!” she looks down at her little man.

“I…..I didn’t mean to make you guys stop. I shouldn't have come out here. I’m so sorry, I’ll go back inside” and she sets the carrier back down facing her husband and rushes inside still crying, fighting back a sob at this point.

He stands there for a second dumbfounded but picks up the carrier and follows her. “Mom’s a tick emotional, I mean it’s not easy to pop a small human out of your body without all haties breaking lose.” He sets the carrier on the kitchen counter, and turns on the faucet to wash his hands then the tomatoes. He know she can hear him from the living room and continues to talk to his son, “See mom’s have it tough after the birth cause they are suddenly being torn into like 26 directions and they don’t know which way to turn. If they turn left then the right might collapse and if they focus on the right the front might go down and don't even get me started on the back or the other 20 something sides. They always are concerned about what they aren’t doing even if what they really want is to focus on what they are doing. Mom’s ... they are silly.” He says as he takes the carrier and the fresh tomatoes to the middle island and takes out a chef’s knife to start slicing them up. “See it’s easier for a dad, dad’s job is simple. Make sure everyone is safe and taken care of. We are expected to go to work, bring home money, take care of the house, take the pictures, and provide entertainment for said family.”

He grabs the bread and starts spreading it with mayonnaise as he continues, “but mom’s they are expected to do all of that, literally provide food, and so much more and it’s sometimes overwhelming.” His son starts to cry, just cause that’s what a 3 month old does, “now now … don’t get me wrong mom loves you. You are the greatest thing we have ever done, but sometimes mom needs a break she just doesn’t know how to ask for said break, sometimes she isn’t aware that a break is even needed or an option.” As he gently rocks the carrier to calm his son, “so it’s also my job to remember to give mom that break without making her feel like I’m taking over, or saying she can’t do it all.” He leans in closer to his son, “truth is mom can do so much more than she gets credit for that if I’m not careful she’ll do my job too, then why will you guys need me?”

He plates up the sandwiches and walks into the living room handing his son to his wife and putting the plate in his lap.  He kisses her forehead, “I love you!” she smiles at him, “thank you” as she takes her son into her arms.

“Now let me tell you about your dad He is smart about a lot of things like the garden, and fixing things. He built most of your toys by himself with minimal cussing. He has almost mastered diapers and bathtime, and reads the best bedtime stories ... we are the luckiest people on the planet because we have him and no one can do his job like he can.  I say we keep him. What’s your vote?” then she looks over to her husband and they share a kiss as their son watches on, then he starts to fuss a little “I guess that makes it unanimous, you are stuck with us!” he smiles at her, "I want that in writing" taking a bite of his sandwich watching the love of his life being held by the other love of his life. 

----

So there you go. Short, a little sweet, and at times too much so. Hope you had a good 4th doing whatever it was you wanted to do with your holiday!

Marcy
@beaslma

AmWriting "My Fault"

So I started this story the other day, it buried itself into my brain and wouldn't let go until I got it out .... and since one of my goal is to write more ... I decided to post it here. Some of my issues with writing of late is that I write it, save it, then close the word file, moving on with my life thinking, well that was pointless. Without have an end game for the story a place to share it, a purpose for its existence it makes it seem silly. Like learning a musical instrument in your 40s. So I'm going to use this blog for some of that. Maybe you'll read it and enjoy it maybe you won't but at least it's no longer a file on my computer sitting useless. So ... here goes ...

My Fault

David sat in his chair, a drink in his hand, lights turned off, and remote in his other hand, when there was a knock on his door. He sat his drink down, “it's open” he yelled as he muted the TV with a sigh.

His cousin’s wife Ann walked in, slightly taken back by his appearance, and sat down across from him as she tried not to show it, “So….how’s it going?” he noticed her glance around the room.

He grinned, likely for the first time in days, “Really? That’s what you are going with… ‘how’s it going’ he paused, “You do realize how lame that is, right?!”

She, reached for his drink, leaned back in the chair, “yeah whatever …the point is still the same, how are you?” She took a sip of his drink, “Pepsi?”

“I’m not over here drinking myself into a stupor, I’m better than that.” She raised an eyebrow, “yeah, ok I’m not, but you caught me on a good night. I spent a full week completely toasted and it didn’t help so I’m trying the other spectrum.” Then he smirked again, “Yes, you may have some of my drink. Since you asked.”

“There he is, that’s who I’ve been looking for.” She handed him back his drink, “Look I know this isn’t easy, I guess the reason I’m here, is to ….” She paused, leaned forward, placed her hand on his knee “I’m here.”

“I know. I appreciate it, really I do.” He looked towards the TV as the show he was watching started to come back on, “Wanna watch with me?” He half hoped she’d decline and leave and the other part of him hoped she’d stay. He wasn’t sure which part he wanted to win, but it was kind of nice talking to someone, he had forgotten what his voice sounded like.

She didn’t answer, but got up and moved to sit in the chair closer to him and reached for his hand. He took it and squeezed it as they settled in to watch.

A few months ago, if she had come by, there would have been food in the kitchen, music playing from the stereo, or more likely his phone, and the TV would have been long forgotten. A few months ago, he was happy, he was engaged to the most beautiful woman in the world and had his entire life planned out ready for him to live it. A few months ago, she wouldn’t have come over alone, but would have brought his cousin, Chris, with her and they would have spent an evening in conversation, laughter, and fun games. A few months ago, everything was different.

He remembered the first time he brought Karen home to meet Chris and Ann. He wasn’t sure who was more nervous Ann or Karen. He laughed a little to himself when he remembered telling Karen afterwards that he would have won that title easily as they made their way home. They had been dating for nearly a year, but he didn’t want to introduce her until he knew he they were serious about each other. Why put her through the scrutiny if she wasn’t the one he reasoned. They walked in the house and Chris was outback grilling steaks. Ann handed Karen a glass of wine and sent David outside, “Go she’ll be fine… I don’t bite …hard!” He glanced at Karen who replied, “I have no problem biting back!” Both laughed, and he kissed her on the head as he went towards the back door. As she closed it behind him he yelled, “Best behavior Ann!”

“What’s that about?” Chris said looking up. 

“I think I was kicked out of your house so your wife could interrogate my date!”

He laughed, “You really should have seen that coming!” then turning to the mini fridge on the deck, “Have a beer.” “So…..”

David laughed, “So…..” They have always had very easy conversation often holding long conversations barely saying a word to one another. They were roughly the same age with Chris being 6 months older, but David was taller. They were as close as brothers and despite the fact they had different moms looked like brothers too. “She’s a great girl, you are going to like her. If you don’t … keep it to yourself”

He flipped the steaks, “Deal.” They both knew that Ann was the camel, if Karen didn’t win her over then it was an uphill battle no matter who else liked her. They talked football while waiting on the steaks to finish. David kept glancing through the window to see the two laughing with one another. 

It was a wonderful night, a little awkward at times, but everyone seemed to get along and that’s what was important to David. He didn’t need them to all be best friends out of the gate, but he needed them to all get along since they would spent a lot of time together down the road. At one point he saw Chris grinning at Karen as she told a story about her dog and he caught Amy grinning at him with a small nod of approval at what she was hearing. They would become fast friends and the four of them became very close in a short span of time. When David finally popped the question Amy was the first person Karen told, Chris having already known for weeks that it was coming.

They both watched in silence as the comedy on TV played out in front of them, he was starring at the box but not really taking it in and she kept stealing glances at him. She also noticed a pile of mail unopened, and a computer covered in a thin layer of dust. He was nesting and had cut himself off from everything even she and Chris. The cell phone, that she has been desperately trying to connect with him late laid discarded on the other side of the room, she couldn’t tell if it still had battery or not. He looked good, tired, but good. She glanced at him again and this time he caught her, “Chris said to say hi if I got to talk to you. So "HI!" He’s working tonight but … well he’s worried about you too. We’ve been trying to call but you aren’t answering.” Gesturing to the phone, “You can’t do that you know.”

“I do.” As he continued to stare at the TV. “I haven’t had much to say, and then my phone died. It was nothing personal, honest.”

She ignored that, “There’s this cool device they have now, I’ll see if I can get you one, you plug one end into the wall and the other end into your phone and like magic it keeps it charged for you so that the battery won’t die.” She smiled as the said it hoping he’d laugh.

“I’ve heard of those, there might be one around here somewhere, seemed easier to not though.” He didn’t laugh.

The show came back on and she was lost in thought. This had been going on for over a month and frankly it scared her.

No matter what has happened in their lives they’ve dealt with it together, Chris was his rock and she knew David was Chris’ rock. If they weren’t going to reach out to one another she’d be that bridge. She had the night free and decided she’d come over. Not really expecting to find this. She didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t this. She knew he was hurting, she knew he was pulling away she didn’t know what to do about it. She wished Chis was here, he told her to give him time. “He’ll come to us when he’s ready Amy, you have to respect that.”

She glanced around the room again only to realize that any remembrance of her was gone, no photographs, no books, no clothing. A shadow box that she made after their last vacation was gone from the wall. Then she noticed the boxes in the hallway. He had purged her from the house. She felt helpless to help him through this and felt as his friend it was her duty to see him to the other side of his heartbreak, somehow.

Shortly after college Amy and Chris broke up, they fought for weeks before deciding that it was just too much effort to be together. They boxed up their stuff and went their separate ways figuring they’d never see one another again.  She moved in with her best friend from College until she figured out what to do next. They were having dinner one night when a knock at the door scared them both since they weren’t expecting anyone.

She was shocked to see David behind the peep hole. He knew she was looking and waved. She opened the door but didn’t invite him in as it started to rain.

“Hey…” he said as he buried his hands in his jacket pockets. “I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d come by and see how you were doing.” She didn’t say anything so he just stood there as it started raining harder, “Um… can I come in ?”

“Oh yeah of course, please come in. We were just eating dinner, it’s just spaghetti but would you like a plate?!” As she moved out of the way to let him in.

“No, I’m good I’ve already eaten, I didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner, please sit back down and eat while it’s hot.” He pulled her chair back out and gestured to her to sit down. She took her seat her friend still sitting in hers. No way in the world was she leaving this conversation if she could help it.

“So….how’s it going?” she grinned as she took a big bite.

“I’m good, work is good, life is good …… look … I’m not going to waste your time. Is it really over…. Cause … Chris is a mess. He’s angry with himself that you guys go to this point but he has no idea how to make this better cause you won’t talk to him. What can we do to fix this?”

“We?”

“Hey I’m part of this relationship too, I introduced you guys after all. If you don’t make it my relationship quota goes back down to none. I have a reputation I’m trying to build here.”

She smiled and put her fork down, “look David, I appreciate…”

He cut her off, “no …. No I won’t leave here without a solution for this. The two of you belong together, he’s an idiot and no one knows that better than me. He’s a better man when you are around, he thinks more about the world, he’s more focused and driven when you are around. He needs you. He can’t breathe when you aren’t around, he’s constantly at near panic attack mode. I’m not saying that’s a positive, but it’s the truth. I hate seeing him like this and I know the solution is you two getting back together. I know you guys have problems, but if you can’t work them out what’s the hope for the rest of us? He makes you better too by the way. He relaxes you, he shows you there is more to life than work and you need him too. Will you just talk to him and see if there’s anything there to salvage?!”

She was taken back by his bluntness, she glanced at her friend who shrugged, “He’s not wrong. You guys are great together and short of something catastrophic you should at least try to work it out.”

He walked over to her friend, “I like her, why don’t we hang out with her more.”

She didn’t know what to say. She still loved Chris and David was right she needed him as much as he needed her. When she didn’t reply he got down on his knee to be on her level, “what was the fight about?” she honestly couldn’t remember. “Please Ann just have coffee with him. Tomorrow 9am?”

She agreed, and they got back together around 9:05 and were married a few months later. David, the best man, gave a fantastic speech about how he made this night happen and was solely responsible for their happiness which made the room laugh and the two of them nod in agreement. She had looked forward to watching him on this journey finding the love of his life, marriage, kids, and felt cheated that he wasn’t going to have that at least for now. There had been other girlfriends but none that made his face light up the way Karen did. None who put that sparkle in his eye just by saying her name in his presence.

The show continued, neither really caring about the show, but it gave them a chance to talk during commercials and not have to deal with awkward pauses.  When the show ended she squeezed his hand again, “well I’m going to go, please charge your phone, and check in every once in a while.”

She walked over to his phone and plugged it in for him, then started out the door when he said quietly, “it’s all my fault.”

“I’m sorry what?”

“It was …. my fault.”

“Please do not be stupid, you can’t possibly think that is true.” As she made her way back over to him.

“She was due to come home two days later. I missed her. I asked her to come home early. Had I never called her on that stupid phone, she’d be sitting here with us now.” That was the first time he said out loud the words that had been bouncing around in his head for weeks. “I was bored and missed her and now I’ll never talk to her again.” She wrapped him in her arms, no words for him as he sobbed into her shoulder.

She had no idea how to react “Darlin, you can’t do that to yourself.” He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes, “how can I not?” tears streaming down his face.

Seeing that face she was reminded of the day he got the call, on the same phone she suddenly realized that she had just set to charge. He had joined them for lunch after church and was about to leave to go pick her up at the airport when his phone rang. She and Chris were arguing about something, she couldn’t remember what now, and when he answered they both sensed the room change. He turned white as a ghost, grabbed Chris’ shoulder, said he’d be right there. The two of them took off out the door without speaking, she ran to grab her shoes to join them. By the time she got to the door they were gone. Chris told her later how awful it was walking into the hospital looking for Karen only to be told she had just taken her last breath. They were told that the pilot over shot the runway and the plane crashed as it was trying to land, there were few survivors. They missed talking to her by less than 5 minutes.  A few months ago, everything was different now it may never be the same.

You know ... I'm not sure why most of my stories end with someone leaving or dying but there ya go.... What did you all think?

Marcy (@beaslma)   

New Year’s Resolutions cause why not….

So I said the other day I’d post my 2017 New Year Resolutions, and my biggest goal is to accomplish the things I say I will do so here goes. Before I begin let me say, these all sound more important then they really are actually cause typically after I post this I forget all about it and nothing happens cause frankly…. I’m lazy. Like insanely lazy, and truth be told it isn’t that I’m lazy so much as I have other things to “deal with” ha!

For instance, my New Year’s Resolutions for 2016 included …. Seeing more movies. Which I did not. Spending more time actually talking to Golden. Which we did not stupid contradicting schedules. Visiting Golden more often, which I did accomplish, kinda. I visited her for her birthday then we had a relaxing trip in Atlanta for DragonCon … well until I took a nose dive after giving blood and came back home with busted glasses, a fat lip, and a massive headache. Losing weight … which I think has to be on the list for me but I did not really accomplish this year. Exercise more is another one I didn’t do, obviously. Having work not be all consuming of my energy, this one I semi-accomplished. We expanded our department and while my work load didn’t really change it felt like it wasn’t all on my shoulders so that helped in the stress department. I also wanted to go out into the world more and be around people, but then remembered I don’t like people so I really didn’t do this. Tho a friend and I did spend a lovely weekend listening to some great music at the Flora Bama which got me a little out of my comfort zone. So I’m counting that one as a success. I sadly didn’t finish my Haley and Michaels story … I started to several times but it sounded stupid so I deleted it. I think I’ve finally figured out an angle that will allow me to finish it and finally get Shannon and Ryan out of the airport. So let’s see three out of ten isn’t horrible…. Ok it is … shut up!

So what’s this year’s resolutions you may ask …… I’m not really sure. I mean last year’s were such a success it’s going to be hard to top those but ok fine I’ll try. Think of these as more of a 2017 guideline.

1.       I want to write more. Not just on this blog but that’s a huge goal too but write the things in my head no matter if it think it sounds good. I can’t tell you the number of times I wrote something in my head, went to write it out only to delete it cause it sounded “dumb.” I want to write creative things, stories and plays as well as items for this blog. I want to be able to type #AmWriting on twitter and it be something I not only finish but that I’m also proud to share. Mostly I want to finish my Haley and Michael’s story if only so I can move on to another.
 ** UPDATE ** I finished my Haley and Michael's story .... check it out if you are interested ... A Royal Musical Journey-conclusion

2.       I would like to exercise and lose some weight. Not because I feel I should but because I think it will make me feel better in general. I’ll be honest my mom isn’t in the best health and part of it is her weight and if she had done anything even 10 years ago she’d be better off. I don’t want to be in the same boat one day, mostly cause I’m not going to have a Marcy to help me out like she does. Plus who knows if I pull it off maybe she’ll follow suit.

3.       I want to travel more. Golden and I used to go on trips a few times a year. There’s a new cruise company here in town, I think I’d like to do that, mostly to say I’ve done it. I’d like to look up an artist tour schedule and instead of thinking that’s like 7 hours away think wow that’s only 7 hours away and then go. I’d like to make a list of placed I’d like to visit then start a plan to make those trips happen.

4.       I’d like to get more involved in church. We recently joined a new church, our old one folded and closed the doors around Thanksgiving. It was sad but about 2 years overdue really. WE have found a new church home and I think I’d like to get more involved. I’m not sure how to do that yet, but I think I’ll figure it out. I’d like for church to be something I’m a part of not just a place I visit once a week.

5.       I want to spend more time with friends. Not in the yeah we will totally get together then never do way but in an actual sitting across from a friend laughing/drinking adult beverages over some good food. I want to call up a friend and say let’s do ….whatever and then we do … whatever. Or be the friend where they feel they can call me and say let’s do whatever and know that I won’t call the day of and say I have to work (sometimes I really did have to work).

6.       I’d like to not die in 2017. This one I’m overly concerned about with all the changes coming about but I’ve also come to peace with some of those changes. I wish the rest of the world would calm down and let’s just see how things shake out. If every generation rolled over and died when they thought something awful had happened well the next generation wouldn’t exist. We are a strong nation, we will get through this, it might not be easy, it won’t be fun, it will be interesting and it will not be boring. So let’s do this 2017, bring it. WE got this.

So that’s my plan for 2017, we’ll see if I make it happen. Wish me luck.

So what about you guys …. What’s 2017 got in store for you ?!

Marcy (@beaslma)

Writing Experiment #1 - Daddy Squirrel and his new bed

So I read some writing website that’s got some exercises to get people to start writing, and one of them was to just write from a stream of consciousness. Basically write for about 20 minutes and then turn what you have written into something. So … here goes.  

Today my dad went to Lowes then he lost his mind. While in Lowes he realized his credit card was missing. He frantically looked around his feet to see if he dropped it, no. Then he remembered that after my nephew’s basketball game yesterday we went out to lunch and that was the last place he knew he had it. So we called the restaurant who said they looked for it and did not find it. So we turned the house upside down before calling to have it cancelled. I went outside walking around the car to make sure it didn’t fall on the ground and I have this insane thought that a squirrel found my dad’s card. See in my head the squirrel has a bad back, and when he found the card he rushed it home and set it up in his bedroom and laid down. For the first time in ages his back felt good, he was able to stretch out his back, work out some of kinks, and instantly fell asleep.

 

His squirrel wife came home from the store and was shocked to find him asleep. She woke him up and he quickly told her about this new bed and made her laydown. She hasn’t been having back problems and thus did not share the love of the bed that her husband had. They got in a huge fight cause she wanted him to drag that thing out of her house, yelling at him that it has bumps all over it, a random picture of an eagle on it, which scared her, and was gross! He refused and their squirrel kids were scared cause they hadn’t heard mom and dad fighting like this. So mom and dad squirrel have to stop and calm the kids down and in the process that dad squirrel explains to the mom just why he likes the new bed and how it makes him feel better but if it really upsets her he’ll get rid of it. So momma squirrel gets up, walks over to the new bed, AKA my dad’s credit card, and shoves It over leaving enough room for her to sleep and him to lay on the new bed. Daddy squirrel cries and says thank you so much. Then the four of them go out for a few winter nuts in celebration.

So I guess what I'm saying is take a minute to listen to the people around you, if we could all just understand where everyone is coming from then maybe our day would be better.  

This people is what happens in my head randomly though out the day . . . . . . . and I wonder why some people think I’m crazy. :D

-Marcy

I am writing, part II !!!

I’m not really sure where this one came from. It’s one I started writing a while ago and revisit it from time to time. I update it/add to it and then save the file and move on. Today I decided instead of just closing the file and walking away I’d post it here and see what happens.

I always thought this one be the one that would “turn into a book.” Who knows … maybe there is still time… 

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"Trying to connect"

Karen Stevens loved her job. She liked to watch her students learn and love watching them figure out new things on their own and knew when to back off and when to shove them in the right direction. She was a dedicated teacher; one her student’s trusted because she did whatever she needed to do to make sure her students succeeded. Sometimes she took students home for a nice home cooked meal and a night of conversation that revolved around their lives for a change. Other teachers often came to her for advice and she was always at every PTA meeting.  Many of her students had parents that didn’t have the time to spend with them or frankly didn’t care so she felt it necessary to be their voice.

For this, her students flocked to her; students who didn’t get her for a teacher would

beg to have their schedules changed so they could say I have Mrs. Stevens for English. Even students that she didn’t teach first hand knew her and came to her room to talk or get help for assignments. She never turned anyone away. Not when the bell rang and it was time for her next class. Not when it was nearing 7 and her husband was waiting, and not when the bell went off in her head saying she should. Mark was a bell ringing kind of guy.

She noticed him standing in the door, but she had learned that if they wanted her help they would come in and ask for it. She tried not to glance up, but instinct got the best of her. She realized that she had never seen him before, but she had heard about him. One teacher said he had killed a student at his last school. Another said it was his uncle. She didn’t know who to believe, but if he needed her help he would get it just like everyone else in this school.

“Hi! Do you have a minute?” he said as he finally entered the door. “I’m Mark and your Mrs. Stevens aren’t you?”

“Yes I am, how can I help you?” She sat up straight in her chair with a huge smile that showed all of her front teeth.
“Well I just moved to this town. I didn’t want to come here. At my last school I didn’t learn much except how to win a fight. I have this assignment that I don’t think I can handle, but I was told you might help me.”
“I’ll try. What’s the assignment?”
“We have to write a story of our life quite frankly my life is not something I want to put on paper. So I don’t know how to start this paper.”
“That’s not really a problem. You just moved here and no one knows about you. If you wanted, you could make up the story of your life.”
“Your saying I should lie?”
“No” she giggled, “Not lie…just be….creative. The parts you don’t want to tell stretch the truth a little bit. For example if you were say arrested and that is what you don’t want to tell anyone, say I was sent away to live with relatives.”
“What makes you think I was ARRESTED” he interrupted.

She blinked once at him like she had been slapped. Yes, she had assumed he had been arrested, not just because of the stories she had heard, but the way he carried himself. He wore nothing but black had really shaggy hair that didn’t give off the impression that it knew soap and water. He had on an old leather jacket. It was at least eighty degrees outside why else would he wear it unless it had gang ties. She herself was wearing a sundress and still thought it was hot.

“I didn’t mean to assume anything about you. Trust me I know how it feels to have someone be judged before they are known. I was just trying to think of something that is so bad you may not want people to know. Please … I really wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings.” Trying to get back on his good side. It was getting late and she wanted to get home, but had a feeling this guy needed her help more than Bob needed his dinner. Like so many other times Bob would have to sit second to her job.

“What are you talking about knowing how it feels to be judged I bet no one has ever looked at you and thought anything other than what you are?” He said getting annoyed with this teacher who wasn’t anyone he had to be nice too yet continued to talk to her.

Karen answered by picking up a picture of Bob off her desk “This is my husband.”

“So he looks like a little prep too.”

"See you just judged him without knowing him. My parents did what you did, but they didn’t see him as a prep. They saw him as a troublemaker. He works at a garage fixing cars and they thought he did not “deserve” me, but they hardly knew him. I did everything I could to convince them and while they have accepted him it’s still very uneasy and no one feels comfortable at their house.” She starred at the picture for a minute or two lost in thought and put it back down.

Trying to change the subject, she looked at him “So tell me what is it that you don’t want to discuss in your paper,” His face tightened “I mean I need to know what the problem is before I can help you.”

“Well. . . the thing is . . .ARGH!  I don’t want to be here!” he yelled.

“No one is forcing you to come to my room.”
“Not just your room, this school, this town. I want to go back home!”
“Well why did you move here?” He said nothing just continued to inspect his shoes. “You don’t have to answer my questions if you aren’t ready. Let’s start easier, where did you move here from?”

He sat in the student desk slumped over holding his head up with his hands. Tears started to form and his body shook as he tried to hold them back. Lifting his head seemed like a chore.

“OK here is my deal. . .” he paused for a minute to regain his composure. His mouth opened to begin “Mrs. Stevens!” they both jumped a mile in the air. “Mrs. Stevens” the intercom said for a second time.
“Yes” she said still trying to catch her breath.
“Will you come by the office before you go home?”
“Sure”
“Hey….I’ll let you get to the office I’m not sure if I am ready to do this anyway.” Mark was semi relieved to be let off the hook.
“Mark you were going to say something please go ahead. The office can wait.” Her eyes pleading none of her teeth were showing this time. He paused, and then returned to his seat.
“Ok see here is the thing I know there are a lot of rumors going on around here about me, but none of them have the story completely right. Yes, I am here against my will, I mean if I had my choice I wouldn’t be here, but everyone decided it was for the best. A few months ago my . . .” he started to break down on her again she reached for a Kleenex “I’m sorry this will actually be the first time I say this out loud. My uncle killed himself about 3 months ago he was like a . . . he was a father to me. Everything I have done was to make him proud.”

“My town is small, everything I looked at reminded me of him. The little diner he would take me to, the park where we would sit and talk for hours, and of course his house. It seemed to follow me everywhere ‘cause every time I would turn around I would be in front of it, like my feet didn’t get the message that he was gone. My mom just did not care she would try sometimes, but it always seemed really forced like she would rather do something else. I guess you could say I freaked out on her, but after losing the best person that ever walked into my life I think it was warranted.” He stopped and looked to her for approval.

“Mrs. Stevens” the intercom interrupted for the second time that day.

“WHAT!” she said in a forceful, but respectful tone.
“Your husband is on the phone again and says he needs to speak with you.”
“Tell him I’m with a student and that I will call him when I am finished. Thank-you” to show that this conversation was over. She returned her attention to Mark  “Please continue I’m sorry about that.” This time no toothless smile; no smile at all just an honest look of concern for a student.

“So anyway my mom she just couldn’t handle it so she shipped me out here which I guess is ok. It’s a better school and a better neighborhood, but I have nothing to remind me of him here. Which explains why I’m wearing a jacket in the middle of a heat wave.” He said with a smile as she nodded. “He gave me this. He had one just like it and I loved it. I would go to his house and curl up on the couch with it as a blanket. It was so smooth and it was not like anything I had ever seen before. For my thirteenth birthday he gave it to me, it was big back then too.”

She could not tell if he was talking to her or if he was talking to the jacket. He sat there stroking the jacket as if remembering a moment with his uncle. She glanced above his head to the clock, no wonder Bob called, it was getting close to five and when she was going to be late she would at least call him to let him know.

“So what’s the problem why can’t you just write about your uncle he seems to have been a positive influence on you?”

“I failed him. I did everything I could to stop him and I couldn’t. I failed him.” He started crying again.

Karen’s maternal instinct took over and she kneeled over to him and hugged him trying to comfort as best she could. “Mind if I ask why he did it?” Not letting her go he spoke over her shoulder. 

“He had this girl. . . she didn’t know what she had. He was a great man he just well he had a hard time with money. It wasn’t like he didn’t try he just couldn’t seem to make ends meet. She left him and he fell apart. I told him he needed to stay to see me become the man he would be proud of one day. I begged him and I told him I loved him; nothing worked. I told him I would never forgive him now I don’t feel like I can.”

“Your uncle wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. Usually when people get to that point there is no point of return. Please don’t take this the wrong way but he probably didn’t even hear you.” He let go and pulled back from her.

“But . . . he told me he loved me too he had to have heard me.” He started again to cry,  “How the hell am I suppose to write a paper on this if I can’t even say it out loud. I don’t want some teacher to look at me all sappy for the rest of the year. Which is why I am talking to you about it, unless I want to, I never have to see you again.”

“I have an idea … how about writing about the great things you and your uncle did. Write about the diner and the park and especially the jacket. That is a great story.”

She told him as she reached for a sheet of paper 

“Ok you have the diner, the park, and the jacket those can be the three paragraphs for the body and then all you need is the introduction and the conclusion. For the intro you could tell them about your uncle. Like is he your dad’s brother or your mom’s brother stuff like that. In the conclusion you could just sum up how you felt about him.”

“I don’t think I can do that in just one paragraph.” As he glanced at his watch,

“Do you mind if I . . . oh crap I didn’t realize it was so late I’m sure you want to get home. Why didn’t you stop my rambling?” He said as he started to gather up his things.

“Don’t worry about it. We can work on your conclusion together and then we call it a night?”

Bob knew where she kept the frozen dinners he could take care of himself and she could stop and get something on the way home. Dinner was not the problem. Once again it would be a single hard taco for one at the dinner table while he selfishly gripped about teachers pushing their work on her. He would not want to sit through the story of Mark and she wouldn’t bother him with it. She learned a while ago it was a waste of breath.

It took them another hour to finish the conclusion. He seemed happy with it, but did not think it completely wrapped up his feelings for his uncle. It was getting time for the janitors to lock the building for the night. He told her thank you and headed for the door never looking back. She packed up her things and walked out to her car. As she started to crank it she saw Mark ride by in his old beat up Ford; the thought of following him came and went. Deciding it was a bad idea she drove home hoping that Mark would again appear in her room another day.

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So there you go … what do you guys think?!

-Marcy (@beaslma)