Holidays, weddings, and missing family

Oh my goodness it’s may and we have only had two bloc postings. That’s not going to cut it. I have read lately that a typical blog post is about 1,500 words. I don’t know how often I have adhered to that. I usually just pick a topic and write until I get done telling the story. For instance, today I am focused on the fact that it’s Memorial Day weekend. On a weekend I traditionally have driven to Golden’s house to fart around, watch movies, laugh, talk, play games, sleep, eat good food, see her family, sleep, and sometimes go to a book store. Ok most of the time we end up at a bookstore. Sometimes I even buy but mostly I browse. This of course didn’t happen this year but not because me and my partner in crime have had a falling out but because of a very special reason that I’ll talk about in a few minutes. I think she understands, I hope she does. Lord knows I look forward to these long weekends hanging out together and I think she does too. Afterall, when I come into town it’s one of the few reasons her job leaves her along (kind of) for a few days. She also gets someone that can play with Mighty other than herself.

The reason I didn’t make to see them this time is that my youngest nephew got married. I couldn’t imagine missing that not even for Golden. Love her but love him more. Friday was the rehearsal and Saturday was the big day. Today I am exhausted. It’s been a busy few days but I’ve also been sick all week long. It hit me light a freight train on last Saturday and Sunday threw me to the floor. Monday I went to the doc in a box and demanded a steroid shot which they gave me. That was it. Well they did give me cough medicine but it makes me dizzy so I can only take it at night. Tuesday I lost my voice. Wednesday it was gone completely. Thursday I couldn’t even make a sound. I put them on notice, cause I was supposed to read a passage of scripture as part of the service. At that moment I wasn’t sure I’d be able to. Friday I was making a little noise. I didn’t have a lot of volume tho. I tried to not talk very much but as festivities were happening that was harder cause I didn’t want to ignore people. Friday I was squeakey. I really wasn’t sure I could do it. I asked about an understudy. They really wanted me to do it and I really wanted to do it for them. I forged ahead. Prayed to every God I knew that my voice would come back even for that moment alone. My nearly 2 year old niece knows sign language which fascinates me. She can say more, she can say done, she can say thank you, she can say of course hi and bye, but the one I love most is her saying no more. As in I don’t want any more. I used that one a lot on Friday night. Begging people to stop talking to me so I could hold whatever was left for the reading.

Saturday morning came and I had a little more volume but it would come and go. I was readying 1 Corinthians chapter 13 … the one about what love is and what it means … I had been practicing for months. I walked up to the podium opened my mouth and talked. It wasn’t very confident but it was noise. It wasn’t squeaky and it didn’t crack so I call that a win. Immediately after the service my voice was gone again. I was back to a whisper only even the baby asked if I was ok. I was thrilled cause I had just enough juice to show up for two of the most important people in my circle on their biggest day. It was a beautiful service and the couple is leaving for their honeymoon on Monday. I’m so excited for them as they start this new chapter in their lives. At 22 it’s good to have all the important decisions out of the way. . . education . . . marriage … a job …. The rest will fall into place.

My other favorite human … my oldest nephew got married in 2023. His person had already graduated he was still in pharmacy school and they were ready to start their lives. I admit I don’t remember much about that day. I remember her being a lovely bride and him being very handsome in his suit but the details are fuzzy and not just because it’s been 3 years and a lot has happened in that time. Back in 2003, my mom had just gotten out of the hospital, after nearly dying, on Wed before the wedding. We had approval from her doctor that she could go but we needed to watch her. Make sure she was comfortable and as we drove the 3 hours to the service that we stop several times and let her walk around to reduce the opportunity for blood clots. My entire focus on that day was on her. Making sure she was comfortable, making sure she was able to get from point a to b and she did great all day. She was drug allover that church by the photographer and she took every step she was asked to take and more. It took her days to recover but it was a lovely day. Their wedding was in Montgomery, kind of the half way point between his family and hers. It was a cute church, more grand on the outside and more country church on the inside. We drove up on Friday and spent the night thinking that would make less stress on mom. Drove home that night after the wedding, leaving long before the young couple did. Looking back on the pictures I can remember a few things, like them doing communion with us, the ring bearer putting the ring box on his head and twirling around during the service, Andrew was his best man, as McNeil was to him, and McNeil almost losing it when he saw Tylin for the first time. Andrew too lost it seeing his bride come down the aisle. He was overcome with emotion most of the service but was able to do what he needed to do when it was time. I was really proud of him. You could tell how much this moment really meant to him. I am also taken a back by those at that ceremony who couldn’t be at this one for whatever reason. Grandmamma for one was very missed and yet her presence was all over the place. Someone even gave Andrew a pin to wear that had a picture of him and Grandmamma on it and it was a lovely touch. 

I am very blessed to have seen them both get to this point. I hope to be at many more milestones over the years to come. Watching McNeil dancing with his nearly 2 year old at Andrew’s wedding is something I’ll never forget. Having Andrew and his bride hunt me down to get a picture with me when there were so many others pulling on them makes me cry thinking about it right now. I’ve always said I loved being part of their everyday world and yesterday was just another example of that. I love being their Aunt it’s by far my favorite title.

So, while I miss my bestie…. I was exactly where I needed to be and I’m sure she understands, if not she will when it’s her nieces getting ready to walk down that aisle postponing all her plans.

Until next time, enjoy your memorial day holiday. Remember what it is about, focus on those who gave everything to allow us the freedom to enjoy it and hopefully at some point throw something on a grill get something cold to drink and talk to your family while it cooks. You will never regret doing that. Trust me.

Marcy (@beaslma)  

PS 12,84 words aint bad 😊

Dragon Con is coming ……

Dragon Con is coming …… in a few short weeks I’ll be packing up my car, heading to Birmingham to pick up my crew and then heading to Dragon Con to get my 6^th badge (in 6 years) and enjoy several fun filled days of people watching, chilling, and just hanging out with the best person I know … GOLDEN !!! I can’t wait. I was super pumped about it cause this was going to be our first year in a host hotel and I was going to get my dress up on. I no longer had the excuse of shuttles or uber vehicles to contend with so I was going to go all out. Then yesterday all that changed. 

Me and my crew are still hitting up Dragon Con for the 6^th year in a row but our hotel fell through. They ripped it out form under me a week ago and didn’t even bother to tell me. I saw several complaining about it online so I pulled up the ap and checked my reservation and it said cancelled. Two weeks ago when I checked it for a similar reason it was still intact. I immediately called them to say what the hell. The lady on the phone couldn’t have been nicer. She was in the main “office” of said chain and was the go between for me and the actual hotel, who wouldn’t answer the phone. The nice “office” lady was super helpful and even complained about the actual hotel people who just….weren’t. I told her that’s why I called you I couldn’t get them on the phone. She said they told her people have been calling to complain all week. Gee I wonder why. I have since posted on a Dragon Con message board and I wasn’t the only one that this happened too which should make it better but it doesn’t. I mean this hotel doesn’t care they are going to get their money and then some that weekend so who gives a fuck about me and my squad? I do. I feel like I’ve 100% let them all down.

Last December when I booked the room, I was so excited I was bouncing around my office, texted my crew, tweeted I had won the biggest prize of all, I was just on cloud nine. Everytime I have thought about this, I have gotten excited. It was going to be a whole new experience for me and my crew who have always stayed away from the con and shuttled back and forth. So much wasted time. Waiting on the shuttle that never seems to come, finally calling an uber, getting to the hotel, getting all comfortable and not wanting to get back down into the crazy. I was looking forward to not having to deal with that. To just getting there and ... being.

However, as disappointed I am by this turn of events we did get a hotel, that is connected to a shuttle so that’s a plus. It’s not the hotel we typically stay in, it sold out 2 months ago, so I’m not sure what to expect and as you know dear reader I’m not a fan of the unknown. I’m still planning to take my gear and I might still dress up but I also might talk myself out of it. Atlanta is hot yo! This will be a fun relaxing trip cause that’s what me and my squad need. We need a few days of hanging out, eating good foot – or cold pizza, laughing, people watching and just enjoying life. I really need this I can’t tell you how badly I need this trip. 

So the Con goes on and so will we but this is my post telling my squad I’m sorry I let this get screwed up and next year we will try for one of the other host hotels, cause it will be a cold day in hell before I stay at xxxx. So watch this space as we lead up to the Con it will still be fun, it will still be a good time, it will just be different and who knows that might be good too, maybe this shuttle will actually show up when it's supposed to. A girl can dream right?! 

Marcy
@beaslma

Baby Talk

I don't know what it is about Holidays that make me want to write. Maybe it is that 8 hour span where I don't really have anything to do, or nothing expected of me maybe it's just that my brain wants a vacation so .… I was looking earlier for a "writing prompt" and didn't really see any that jumped out at me as something I wanted to take forward. So I opened up word and just touched my keyboard. This was the result ….. I have no idea where it came from. I'm not a mom … I don't have a 3 month old, I don't even know anyone with a three month old but when I started typing this is what came out.

~~ Baby Talk ~~ 

She felt human after emerging from the shower, clean hair, fresh clothes, she felt like she was ready to conquer the world again. She was grateful to the man who made this happen for her. As she walked through the house she couldn’t help but notice how quiet it was. That had not happened in over three months. A small part of her started to panic but the other part of her said calm down I’m sure everything is fine, but her pace quickened as she got into the Livingroom. Often, she finds them snuggling on the couch, dogs at their feet or being used as pillows. She popped over the back of the couch, but found nothing not even a dent where they were previously snuggled up.

Before she went into full panic attack mode she decided to look around maybe she just missed them. She backtracked to the bedrooms thinking they have to be back here, they just have to be, but upon entering her new son’s room she found it empty and sickeningly quiet. The toys from last night still in the floor, nothing in the crib, nothing new in the wastebasket. Even the rocking chair mocked her by being unnervingly still. They were gone. The baby’s room faced the driveway, she looked and the car was there. Where in the world did they go she wondered as her heart started to race a bit more than she would like.  

Her brain told her that they were fine, and she knew that to likely be true, but it didn’t stop her head from also coming up with the alternative. Whenever they were not where she was she missed them with a ache she never thought she’d have, especially when she couldn’t hear them playing - sometimes that was enough to calm her down - sometimes. She knew being a new mom was going to have its challenges, but she always felt like that was one that she really didnt need to worry about. These panic attacks whenever he was out of her sight was something she didn’t anticipate and didn’t know how to stop. She was working on it, but it wasn’t easy. She yelled for the dog but didn’t hear the familiar sound of the nails on the floor boards that would usually calm her nerves. They would always lead her to her son. Now her heart wasnt just racing, she was also having trouble breathing.

She walked into the kitchen to grab her phone from it’s charger prepared to call her husband when she noticed the backdoor was open. Unlike him to leave the door ajar like that, her brain took note. She went to the door and rushed out and around the corner stopping when she heard her husband’s voice, finally, talking to the baby, dogs running around. They were deep into conversation and she didn’t want to interrupt. Now that she knew that they were ok she wanted to eavesdrop a little bit as her heart started slowing down her breathing returning to normal.

She loved to listen to her husband talk to their infant like he was a grown up. He would often tell him about his day, talk to him about who was around, or just explain random things to him like football rules, or how to work the remote control, why they have a record player but no records that kind of thing. She asked him once why.

“I was sitting there holding him one day just starring at him but not really interacting with him. He was looking at me like he expected something and I felt I wasn't delivering.  So,  I decided to talk to him but didn’t really know what to say” he told her. "That’s when it hit me that it didn’t matter what I said just that I was saying something for him to get used to my voice. It wasn't like he would know what I was talking about anyway." So now he talks to him about anything and everything.

“So what you need to do is water them, but not over water them, they don’t like a lot of water, their roots will rot." He said as he weeded a section of the garden, "Then you have to replace them all together. It’s much easier to just lightly water them in the morning. Plus, your mom loves these flowers. They give the house a nice smell but don’t overpower the rest of the garden so you want to keep these alive if at all possible. The biggest threat really is the moles, but that’s why I have this wooden barrier around it. That helps keep the moles out, but frankly a mole is going to go where it wants unless you trap it and get it out of there. That requires special equipment and gets a little messy.”

Then she watches as he stands up, dusts off, picks up the carrier and moves a few feet to the right setting it down then getting back on the ground himself.

“Now these over here they are annuals and you could set them on fire and they would still grow, but don’t set them on fire. They are awfully close to the house for that. What I mean is they are very hard to kill, even a mole can’t really get at them. They are very pretty in the fall but in the summer are kind of an eye sore, they do add a bit of green to the garden during the summer. So, they have their place during summer too. You have to remember the pay off for fall or you are libel to just pull them up. Mom’s not as wild about these as I am, but again that’s what makes it all work. The balance of this garden, every thing is planned out and it works.”

He stands up again to move to another part of the garden and sees her spying on them,  Hey darlin it was too nice a day to be inside, so we decided to play in the garden." She smiles and he smiles back, “Oh wow look what we have there, it’s that elusive mommy smile!" At that moment she burts into tears.

He snatches up the carrier and moves to his wife, “oh crap babe I’m sorry …. Here take him he’s getting a little red anyway." He kisses her cheek and walks back towards the garden "I’m going to grab a few tomatoes and we’ll make lunch!” she looks down at her little man.

“I…..I didn’t mean to make you guys stop. I shouldn't have come out here. I’m so sorry, I’ll go back inside” and she sets the carrier back down facing her husband and rushes inside still crying, fighting back a sob at this point.

He stands there for a second dumbfounded but picks up the carrier and follows her. “Mom’s a tick emotional, I mean it’s not easy to pop a small human out of your body without all haties breaking lose.” He sets the carrier on the kitchen counter, and turns on the faucet to wash his hands then the tomatoes. He know she can hear him from the living room and continues to talk to his son, “See mom’s have it tough after the birth cause they are suddenly being torn into like 26 directions and they don’t know which way to turn. If they turn left then the right might collapse and if they focus on the right the front might go down and don't even get me started on the back or the other 20 something sides. They always are concerned about what they aren’t doing even if what they really want is to focus on what they are doing. Mom’s ... they are silly.” He says as he takes the carrier and the fresh tomatoes to the middle island and takes out a chef’s knife to start slicing them up. “See it’s easier for a dad, dad’s job is simple. Make sure everyone is safe and taken care of. We are expected to go to work, bring home money, take care of the house, take the pictures, and provide entertainment for said family.”

He grabs the bread and starts spreading it with mayonnaise as he continues, “but mom’s they are expected to do all of that, literally provide food, and so much more and it’s sometimes overwhelming.” His son starts to cry, just cause that’s what a 3 month old does, “now now … don’t get me wrong mom loves you. You are the greatest thing we have ever done, but sometimes mom needs a break she just doesn’t know how to ask for said break, sometimes she isn’t aware that a break is even needed or an option.” As he gently rocks the carrier to calm his son, “so it’s also my job to remember to give mom that break without making her feel like I’m taking over, or saying she can’t do it all.” He leans in closer to his son, “truth is mom can do so much more than she gets credit for that if I’m not careful she’ll do my job too, then why will you guys need me?”

He plates up the sandwiches and walks into the living room handing his son to his wife and putting the plate in his lap.  He kisses her forehead, “I love you!” she smiles at him, “thank you” as she takes her son into her arms.

“Now let me tell you about your dad He is smart about a lot of things like the garden, and fixing things. He built most of your toys by himself with minimal cussing. He has almost mastered diapers and bathtime, and reads the best bedtime stories ... we are the luckiest people on the planet because we have him and no one can do his job like he can.  I say we keep him. What’s your vote?” then she looks over to her husband and they share a kiss as their son watches on, then he starts to fuss a little “I guess that makes it unanimous, you are stuck with us!” he smiles at her, "I want that in writing" taking a bite of his sandwich watching the love of his life being held by the other love of his life. 

----

So there you go. Short, a little sweet, and at times too much so. Hope you had a good 4th doing whatever it was you wanted to do with your holiday!

Marcy
@beaslma

2016 Christmas TV Schedule

PLEASE find below a Jpeg of the 2016 Christmas TV Schedule. Once again, the calendar is set up in 11X17 format but if you have to print it 8.5x11 it is readable, but if you can print it 11X17 your eyes will thank you. The best way is to save the JPEG to your favorite portable device and zoom in and out, tho it breaks up some the more you zoom. If you would like a PDF send me a DM on twitter (@beaslma) and I'll send it your way.

This year I tried to highlight new specials (meaning had not aired previously before Jan. 1, 2016) in RED but as they are new be mindful of what you and your family sit down to watch. I vouch not for their quality, their rating level, or even their sappiness. I for one had to look up who Taraji was, why her holiday was white hot, and if that was a good thing or not. To save you the same trouble, it turns out she’s on Empire, a show that hasn’t graced my eye holes but I understand for those that have viewed it… they like it. Hence she gets her own holiday show Dec. 8^th on Fox. There are some new shows, some old classics, and some mediocre stuff that just fills the time slots throughout the month, some of which made this calendar.

I found a good list on the TV Guide channel’s website of specials/shows coming on with great descriptions but they failed to list what CHANNEL the shows/specials would air on. I found this less than helpful. Come on TV Guide Channel you are better than that, or you used to be (PS there’s a reason not many “get a TV guide anymore” … just saying.

Hallmark, Hallmark Movies and Mysteries (HMM on the calendar btw), Lifetime, and Lifetime Movie Network have been vomiting Christmas themed movies since like last October (meaning 2015) it seems so only a hand full of theirs made the listings. That being said Lifetime decided to only release the first week or so of December, cause yeah that totally makes sense. It’s like they hate my calendar…but that can’t be true, everyone loves the Calendar…EVERYONE! Right?!

It’s amazing to me really that they take the same concept, really the same story, change to a different “snow covered town,” change out the actors (usually Candance Cameron Bure for Lacey Chabert (from Party of Five fame, and Meg on the 1^st season of Family Guy, and Eliza on the Wild Thornberrys—didn’t know that did you? See you learned something by reading my rambling. Good for you!)), add a super cute guy who has lived in said “snow covered town” his entire life, put a new title on the movie and we got us a show!

As always there are guidelines. . . .

First . . .  a few guidelines:

·         NO E-MAILS about taking Christ out of Christmas, it’s just a really long word and using X-Mas allows for more shows on the already full calendar.

§  Thanks for your understanding.

§  For those that don’t understand I’ll be glad to remove you from the list just let me know.

·         I live in the central time zone, the times on this calendar reflect that, adjust accordingly.

§  That said unless otherwise stated the times are PM

·         This calendar does not focus on established shows “Christmas special episodes” so watch out for those … some are fun to re-watch this time of year. Psych for one has a great Christmas episode, and so did How I Met Your Mother, Friends, Wings, Family Ties, and other established shows.

o    Again, that is not what this is about. 

·         This calendar contains shows I want to see, so a mixture of adult themed shows/movies and kid themed shows/movies are represented. Some are classics and some are new, so PLEASE be mindful of what is on before you sit the kids down with popcorn to watch.

§  Don’t call me cause your little one watched some holiday movie on Lifetime and now has “questions”. . . . that’s your mess not mine.

¾      Please NOTE: The Disney version of a Christmas Carol (AKA the computer animated Jim Carrey version) is a little dark and can be scary (much like the original story btw), you might want to check it out before you and little man/lady plop down with popcorn and a blanket to “watch a classic” that may also result in sleepless nights for both you and said child. Not me I’ll be sleeping like a baby like an adult.  

·         Keep an eye out for additional shows/movies that pop up throughout the month as networks change their lineups.

·         Feel free to add your own specials and traditions to the calendar that’s what it is there for.

·         As stated some channels have been vomiting Holiday specials for several months so if a network had several great specials in a row I only listed one figuring you’d be alerted to the others, hey something had to give right!?

·         For you stay at home mom’s they run specials all day long and for the most part my calendar focuses on the after work hour times since that is when I can watch.

¾      That’s right it’s all about me I just share the wealth cause I’m awesome like that!

A few programs of note:

·         A Charlie Brown Christmas – ABC Dec. 1^st with repeat showing on Dec. 22^nd. A must viewing if you have little people in your life, even if they aren’t in the room, better yet tie them to a chair and force them to watch. They will thank you one day, if you know… social services will let them.

o    My lawyer has informed me that actively suggesting that you tie your kids to a chair might result in well you tying your kid to a chair, I don’t not condone that and don’t support it at least that’s what her statement said to write.

·         I can only find A Christmas Story during the TBS Christmas Day Marathon so make sure you work it into your Christmas celebrations.

¾         Bless you Ted Turner, you crazy old man, may this tradition live forever!!

¾         I think it’s a rule you watch at least once.

o    If it’s not a rule it should be.

·         National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, one of the best movies ever, comes on several times this year. If you don’t know the joy of Chevy Chase finally getting the lights to work…well I feel sorry for you and your family and the people that know you because you are missing the joy in your life. Correct that this year please!

·         IT’s A Wonderful Life – Dec. 3^rd on NBC Repeats on Dec. 24^th

·         The “boys” in my life informed me that DIEHARD should have been on the calendar …. boys are silly … however and I couldn’t find it showing anywhere so yeah there’s that. If you all find it let me know so I can let them know.

o    Sorry fellas. I tried, kinda.

A few programs of note that are not “Christmas” related but interesting enough to make the calendar include:

o    CNN Heroes: An All Star Tribute – Dec. 11^th – it’s nice seeing that in a world full of insanity there are some people out there trying to do good and are being recognized for it. It’s a really inspirational night even if this year you have to deal with Kelly Rippa, so check it out.

o    Could have been worse, could have been Kathy Griffin, for the love of all that is good CNN please don’t make me suffer through that!!!!

o    Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show – Dec. 5^th on CBS – a dear friend of mine loves this and insists that it go on the calendar every year, she’s the boss.

Anyway, the intention of this calendar, much like the Halloween one is to get your family to pause and spend some time together making memories. In this season where we spend so much time rushing around we forget to enjoy the down time and enjoy the family time. Great specials come and go and if we don’t watch they will go forever.

Today’s “classic Christmas special” may be next year’s no show on the calendar. That’s the other reason for this calendar, if we stop watching they will stop showing. I’m looking at you CBS and Yes Virginia which I’m sure is airing but I can’t find out when so keep an eye out for it. The point is, just because you have The Grinch (which is not on this calendar nearly enough (NOTE: I can’t tell if it’s animated or the movie anymore and I’m NOT ok with that, when I could tell I marked it (TOON)) on your shelf or Charlie Brown Christmas (which comes on twice this year), take the time to watch it with your family as it airs so that it will air for years to come.  If not for me do it for the children, as they are our future, according to some nice lady.

So sit back, laugh, smile, and cry (some of these are sad, I mean who doesn’t cry when George Bailey is standing next to the tree with Mary and his friends are coming in to save the Bailey Savings and Loan, oh no did I give the end away ?!) and have a GREAT Christmas!

Marcy (@beaslma)

HAPPY DRUNKSGIVING Eve!!!

What?! You say you have never heard of Drunksgiving? Gather round children as I wow you with tales of the adult holiday known as Drunksgiving. It's a magical time of year. It lasts for 3 days, the Friday, Saturday and Sunday after the U.S. observes Thanksgiving. I work on Thanksgiving so my Drunksgiving starts when I get off work at 10pm, but some people start observing Drunksgiving as soon as they leave the family gathering on Thanksgiving.

So for those of you that don't know how to celebrate Drunksgiving, let me go over the basics. The name "Drunksgiving" is derived from English terminology and loosely means "to get dat ass some kinda way by means of imbibing beers, alcohols and liquors." So for the three days of Drunksgiving you partake in the liquid spirits passed down by our ancestors. That's not all though. On Drunksgiving you decorate your house for the upcoming crimmus holiday. I personally use so much twinkle lights and glitter it looks like the inside of a drag queens disco ball. The better the decorations you offer up to the Drunksgiving holiday, the better your drinking experience daze, later in the holiday.

"So decorating and drinking? This is your holiday". No! That's just the beginning, now sit down, shut up, and stop interrupting me! Because on the first day, once you have discreetly packed you a travel adult beverage it's time to blow through ungodly amounts of money shopping! If you are doing Drunksgiving right, then you have just enough fight in you to beat down that old bitch at the Wal*mart for the last $5 crockpot. Once I drink through my "to go" spirits I usually try and make my reservations at the five star restaurant, Le Huddle House, for an afternoon breakfast before returning home to partake in a ritualistic dark nap.

Drunksgiving is celebrated differently in different parts of the world so some traditions are regional. Being raised in Alabama the second day of Drunksgiving (Saturday) is a very holy day. It is the traditional Auburn vs. Alabama football game. This is a sacred sporting event known to all in the south. Many a drunk man has suffered due to the outcome of this sporting event know as …. the … Iron Bowl. 

The rest of the Drunksgiving holiday is dedicated to wrapping gifts in a sloppy half assed fashion, of course more drinking and then random bouts of crying while watching cheesy ass crimmus movies. However as Drunksgiving winds down I experience the true Drunksgiving Miracle! When I realize....I live in the future! And in the future it's fucking magical. In the future we are able to spend shit loads of money by shopping online while not even wearing pants! This miracle realization allows me to blow through the remainder of my bank account and basically become Drunksgiving Santa. That's when I drunkenly purchase items for myself from China, only to forget about it when I sober up, until a few days before crimmus the FedEx guy delivers Sober Golden gifts that Drunken Drunksgiving Golden ordered!

So Happy Drunksgiving everybody. May your bellies be full with Drunksgiving cheer, happiness and liquor. May your home be shining and bright. May your gifts be wrapped in the prettiest of duct tape and ripped paper. May you never run you bank account below zero. And may you always be blessed with a true Drunksgiving miracle, a designated driver.

Hallelujah! All hail Drunksgiving!

-golden

 

Fall is my happy place!!!

There is one time of year for which, I can't wait. It’s a time of year which puts me in the greatest of moods no matter what is thrown my way. It’s like I see the world through a "Happiness" filter and it is awesome! If you ask people what their favorite holiday most say Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween or even their birthday, which can totally be a holiday if you do it right. You may even get the occasional freak that says Presidents Day, although I don't know why the fuck they would, but it takes all people I guess.

If one were to ask me, and I can’t help but notice no one has yet …. Despite my lead up opening the door for people to ask, my answer is always October 1-January 2. That’s right I'm such a fucking cheater!

 

My favorite holiday begins with Fall. It's mystical! The night comes earlier. The colors of Mother Nature go all gold, orange, red and brown. The wind carries the sound of fallen leaves. The world smells all smokey and crisp. It's wonderful.

So to recap … I love Fall! I can finally pull out my sweaters, which I'm pretty sure I have 42 different styles. BTW for those of you keeping score at home, 42 is the answer to the most important question in the universe AND the amount of sweaters one person can own before beginning fashion rehab. Plus if you are a horror junkie like me you can get your fill. All the scary movies are coming out in theatres, television is rocking cheesy edited for TV horror movies and Halloween programming, and there are haunted houses on each corner. Seriously did you see Marcy’s rocking Halloween calendar that was posted on Oct. 1^st? She says she does that for her and her nephews but it’s really for me! IT’s ABOUT ME PEOPLE!!!!

Even the food changes in fall. I am currently craving candied apples! The problem is they aren't that easy to come across. Right now I could get one at the fair. They just pulled into town, another fall tradition. But I don't do the “county fair.” They are run by carnies. Carnies can kidnap you, kill you, hide you in one of their refrigerated trucks and drop your dead ass on any back road in the U.S. So that's out. Sigh …. don’t worry tho reader I will find me a candied apple. Oh yes, it will be mine, and it will be delicious, and messy I will also make a giant mess with it but it will be worth the wait.

 

So for the next little bit I'm sure I will have more than a few of my upcoming posts be fall related, and I'm sorry. No I’m not … I can’t help it. To me it's when Nature shows off and I just can't help but bask in her glory so get outside and enjoy the show!

-Golden @theonlygolden