2025 Blessing Jar

So Christmas before last (2024) our “gift” at church (the church always gives the congregation a small gift usually on Christmas Eve, made by the youth) was a Blessing Jar. It’s a little plastic jar with a sticker on it that says “blessings.” The goal being that we’d write down our “blessings” throughout the year and drop it in the jar. On Christmas Eve we are to open said Jar and remember all the blessing we have received over the past year. I liked this idea and fully embraced it. I didn’t drop a blessing in every day but when something good would happen I’d write it out on the piece of paper, put the date and drop it in the Jar. Even tho I got my Jar on Christmas Eve I dropped in a few in December as little Olia made her way into the world. I also have blessings in the jar for January, Feburary, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, and well December. So I did better than I thought I did looking back on them.  

A few highlights include:

• 12-31-2024- Olia has been discharged, everyone is home and a family of three starts this next phase of this journey
• 1-18-2025 Got up super early and made our way to Pittsview to officially meet Olia in person. She is so adorable. She slept most of the day but was a trooper with being passed around so much.
• 1-21-2025 Mobile got 6-10 inches of honest to God Snow.
• 1-27-2025 I turned xx I’m blessed with family, friends and loved ones who reached out in various ways to say HBD. I keep thinking of my cousins Kevin who didn’t make it to this age (brain tumor). Am I living up to my potential ?
• 2-4-2025 Volkert turns 100 today. A great achievement and one that a lot of companies don’t get to celebrate.
• 2-2-2025 Uncle Ernest passed away today. Grateful that I got to see him back in January when we stopped by after seeing Olia. He made it to 89.
• 4-19-2025 Andrew asked Alana to marry him and she said yes. There will be a wedding in 2026, a graduation too for both of them. Proud of them. She’s lovely and already fits in well with our group.
• 5-12-2025 McNeil graduated with a  doctorate in Pharmacy today.
• 6-8-20205 Golden and I went to Atlanta to see the Stray Kids. I’ve never seen her more excited for a thing ever! I admit I didn’t know them before this but I’m glad she introduced me to them they put on a great show. I had to manually control her light stick cause we couldn’t sync them up but she only noticed that half way through the show
• 7-18-2025 McNeil is a fully licensed Pharmacist! I am so proud of him and how hard he works. The kid is hella smart and focused.
• 7-30-2025 – Mrs. Danley’s funeral was today (Paula’s mom). She had a brain tumor and while her battle was short it wasn’t easy. The boys took it really hard. I’m proud of them tho they both held themselves together when it counted. McNeil sang a song. They both were pallbearers. Alana even made the trip down from school for it.
• 8-15-2025 – Mom had bypass surgery today. It was scary but she did really well. Several friends came and sat with us during the surgery which was nice. I think dad really appreciated it.
• 9-1-2025 – I made it to Dragon Con ! Neil and Dad insisted that I go so I did but I thought about mom the entire time. The day I left she was moved to a room. The following day she was moved back to ICU as her oxygen kept dropping for very little reason. I couldn’t fully focus on DragonCon but we tried to do all the things. I ended up coming back early and mom was super excited to see me. So I’m glad I did that.
• 9-6-2025 – mom and dad celebrated their 55^th anniversary in a rehab room, mom’s getting stronger and that’s the best gift she can give him.
• 9-24-2025 – MOM IS HOME!!!!!
• 10-3-2025 – Andrew and Alana drove home so that we could throw a pumpkin party. I got to carve pumpkins with my favorite people and I’ve never been happier. Grateful this tradition means as much to them as it does me.
• 12-25-2025 – OLIA IS ONE!!!  Or as we say around here … Olia is ONDERFUL. Best gift we ever got.

I like the idea of the Blessing Jar … I plan to continue it into the new year …. What to do with the old ones… I want to save them some how … maybe I’ll find an envelope and drop it in the Jar too. It was fun looking back at them this year. Maybe I’ll do better this year about including more things in the Jar not just the big stuff.

Here’s to a great 2026 for everyone far and wide, I wonder what blessings it will hold. 

Marcy

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!!!!!

As you are all aware this weekend marks Mother’s Day here in the US. Mother’s day is special unlike any other cause let’s face it, other than the doctor who slapped us on the arse our Mom is the first one to really get a chance to hold us. That loving embrace right after birth is one that none of us remember but we always remember that lady who embraced us.

 

It’s funny to me that this all started cause a daughter wanted to honor her Mother. Did you know that Mother’s Day was first celebrated in 1908 when a woman named Anna Jarvis, pictured, held a memorial for her mom at church. In 1905 Ms. Jarvis started her campaign to turn Mother’s Day into a holiday because she believed a Mother was “the person who has done more for you than anyone in the world.” She’s not wrong.

I think back lovingly on my mom and the years of sacrifice, meals, cleaning, protection, and shoulders to cry on that she gave me. I also think back on my grandmother who helped instill those characteristics into my mom and thus into me. She will and has always been my biggest cheerleader. This is my favorite picture of me and my mom. I don't recall what she was telling me, likely it was let dad take your picture then you can go and play, but she always made me feel like I was one of the most important things in her life. God knows she is that for me. I likely am for her too but then again she does have my brother so she can't say it. My mom has been through hell and back health wise the last few years and I'm so proud of how far she has come. Each day she gets a little stronger and a little more independent and it's been a belssing to witness.  

This year is different as all are aware but not really. My brother and his family will be coming over, his Mother-in-law will be joining us, so at our house we are carrying on as usual. This fills me with more anxiety than I’d like to admit. I’ve created this pretty protective cover around my parents during the COVID-19 mess and while they have ventured out a few times for doctors appointments and such they’ve stuck pretty close to home which is all I asked of them. They have been wearing masks even before wearing a mask was cool, again at my request. I myself have only left the house twice and both times stayed in the car. My brother however is still working daily, my sister in law goes into the office 2 or 3 days a week, my nephew just got back from gathering his stuff in Auburn for the summer and my brother’s MIL just got back from Nashville taking her granddaughter home who had been staying with her a few weeks.

I’ve almost resigned myself to the “either we get it or we don’t at this point” mentality but I’m still trying to remain vigilant. I want to enjoy tomorrow cause frankly I miss my family but I also know if that if my mom or dad or even I get it then it’s my cross to bear not theirs. It’s me that will have to deal wit the aftermath not them. I pray that we don’t get it, I pray that if we do it will not be that bad but frankly that’s all I can do at this point.

Sometime next week I’m going to have to go out into the office cause a client requested a hard copy of a submittal instead of electronic. I hope to be there less than an hour. I’ll wear gloves and my mask the entire time. Again I expect a few panic attacks but I have to start getting used to the idea of leaving this house. Of venturing out into the world again, of being around people and it turning out ok.

My state’s Gov is opening up the state on Monday there’s some limitations on what people can and can’t do for sure but for the most part it’s business as usual. I pray it’s not too early, I pray we aren’t all jumping the gun, and I pray that a round two isn’t around the corner. I also pray hard that Dragon Con will be able to move forward and if it’s not then they will make the call in time for me to cancel my reservation. I just don’t think it’s in the cards for Golden and I to be in a host hotel and that’s a damn shame. 

 

Anyway celebrate your mom, enjoy the time you get to spend with her, call you grandmother if you can too, and to those of you that are mothers ….. have a wonderful day surrounded by love. PS that's Golden's mom above .... she's like a second mother to me and worries and cares about me as much as my own mom and sometimes more so than Golden, who will totally be cool with me including a picture of a little G. HA!

Thank you for all you do and thank you Anna for giving us a day to celebrate them fully the way they deserve. 

Marcy

Happy New Year

Happy New Year …. Some 12 days into the new year but yeah you haven’t told me happy new year yet either so suck it! In prep for this post I looked back at the previous year and you know what …. We didn’t do half bad …. We didn’t do great mind you, I’m not at all saying I deserve a pat on my back or anything but we had 8 various posts spread out through 6 different months and to me that’s pretty darn good. Hey I was an average student who was damn proud of a C, an A or B was better of course but I could live with a C. In the real world no one cares if you got C’s ….. a friend recently told me "D stands for Diploma" and I thought well not really but maybe .... ha …. just saying.

Last year I shared some original writing, did a few music posts about Eric Erdman and The Springs, shared my Social MediaBreak during lent, and my transition to a new phone - UPDPATE: I did go with the S9+ and LOVE it. So when I say it was a variety of topics I’m not joking. My problem with this blog is that I often think ohhhh I should write about my frustrations with never getting to go to a movie in a theater and why it never seems to happen and how I hope that it will happen more then something horrific happens in the world and I think well that just seems assy now. I want to be a lot of things when I grow up but assy isn’t one of them. So then I delete the word document and move on with my day. I used to keep them thinking I’d post it later but then later never came or when I went back to read it the post seemed silly and unnecessary cause I was no longer in that frame of mind. 

Last year was fun I went to our corporate office for a “retreat” in Franklin, TN (got to take one of my coworkers on her first flight which was really fun), went to DragonCon with Golden, saw several concerts with my friend Katie including Def Leppard and Journey in New Orleans, and capped off the year with Christina in Disney for Halloween. Now that I look back at this blog … kind of should have shared more of those events with you guys. This year I have a concert with Vanessa Peters to look forward to (later this month), Kiss in Birmingham with Katie, Christina and I are trying to get a trip to AU pulled together, and of course Dragon Con with Golden. Did I mention that Golden and I will be in a host hotel for the first time and not just any host hotel but the mother of all host hotels … THE MARRIOT !!!!! I am so excited about this turn of events. There is also talk of sending me to a conference in March in Ashville NC but no confirmation on that from the powers that be. Hopefully I'll get off my duff and make those blog worthy cause they totes should be. 

This past year I’ve also hesitated to write anything for fear that someone might read it (AKA family) and get their feelings hurt. I have since realized that I can’t let that hold me back. My mother almost died twice this year, and while no one in my family reads this thing (that I know of) I’d have hated one of them reading about some of our struggles and in particular my frustrations throughout it since it wasn’t that we weren’t really telling people about it but at first we didn’t know what to say. Here’s the story ……. she was sick and instead of making her go to a doctor we let her “handle it her way” until her way wasn’t working anymore. I finally forced the issue and called 911 myself and if I hadn’t she would have bled to death within the next 12-24 hours. She had a bleeding ulcer that was trying to perforate. She sat in the ER all night long and well into the next day getting blood, losing blood and waiting for someone to decide they were going to do something. At the same time my father was on the other side of the hospital getting his pacemaker replaced. Thank god for my brother, he was able to sit with mom while I was with my dad and that was the longest 12-24 hours of my life. Once dad was done we checked him out, drove him around the hospital (he wanted to see my mom), he went back into the ER (by himself cause they wouldn’t let us go with him – one at a time they said) while my brother and I hung out After leaving the ER at midnight and being back at the hospital at 5 I was in zombie mode as the adrenalin was wearing off. Then he took my dad home (later I discovered dad had him replace a toilet and I was livid) and I went to sit with my mom who kept telling me to go home and rest. She finally had surgery that afternoon around 4. They “fixed it” but the doctor said she almost died on the table twice and he was shaking when he said it which did not fill me with warm fuzzys. A week later she was home. Two weeks after that we were back in the ER and this time they had to slice open her stomache from side to side when they weren’t able to clamp and artery. That one we really almost lost her. She was in the hospital for 2 weeks and in rehab for 2 more weeks. She is now home and getting stronger every day but it was a tough 2-3 months for sure. She claims if she sees blood again she’s not saying anything cause that ordeal took a lot out of her. I hope that’s all talk but I also am checking her more often now because of it. I feel like I’m in three lives right now. My work life, my home life, and my by myself life. If I’m not working or taking care of mom I’m in my room watching you tube trying to get myself tired enough to sleep. I’m not sleeping well. I’m averaging about 4-5 hours a night but it’s interrupted sleep so I’d say I’m getting less than that. I’m still moving however so that’s something I’m proud of. My father has been a ROCK throughout this entire ordeal, who would have thought it. He has the bed side manner of say Peter Griffin. He means well but often he’s just in the way but this time I think he’s proving the definition of for better or for worse. God love them they are a cute little couple. Dad’s running himself half ragged too but he’s also pushing himself harder than I’d like. I keep telling him to take some time for himself but I really think he’s “fixing mom” which is replacing some of the guilt he has from “not being able to fix his mom” when he was working and had two kids and Alzheimer’s is a **tch even if he doesn’t believe she had it. She totes did but i'm not gonna argue with him about it just now.

So this is a post to say Happy New Year and a post to keep this blog alive and to try and get my voice back on this thing. I really do enjoy using this blog to share my thoughts and gives with the world I just need to make it more of a priority. I'm nearly 40 (in like 15 days) so that's going to fun to share as well. It's a new decade for me … let's make it a good one. 

Marcy

@beaslma

Skull Fucked

So... for awhile now I've been told by my many doctors that I need eye surgery. My vision is pretty good, it's not that kind of surgery. See… I have the privilege of being a Medical Marvel and a by product of that is that my body has a major case of the stupids. My body over produces antibodies and the antibodies get totes bored and decide to go wild like a whore at her first college frat party.

The antibodies attack my body, my joints, skin, organs, hair, pretty much anything is free game. A couple of years ago I had to have my thyroid removed because the antibodies had aggravated it so badly it had grown into the side of my face. I'm proud to say that my thyroid was the record holder for the biggest they ever had at that hospital. Bitches still didn't give me a trophy. The minor surgery went badly fast and ended up being way more invasive than planned.

Since that surgery was such a success the attention quickly changed to my eyes. The antibodies have attacked my eyes so much that there is now extra inflammation and tissue behind my eyes and it's causing my eyes to bulge out as if they are trying to escape my face. Even though the doctors were super dismissive about the surgery, flapping their hands about saying that it's just a little surgery, I was having no part of it.

As George W. said "Fool me once (with a "small surgery") shame on..me.. shame..you, fool me twice, well I can't get fooled again."

However every time I would go to appointments they would address the eye surgery issue again. I'm sure you realize that I am a full grown adult, but I can get real fucking childish when the need arises. No matter how many times the doctors would bring it up, I would act a donkey and refuse to discuss it. After some time had passed one of my favorite doctors on my team, that’s right I have a TEAM of doctors, brought it up and basically said that it would be pretty fucking stupid to not talk to a surgeon and at least gather the information for my records, just for future reference. He was even brave enough to tell me I was being pretty damn dramatic for such a small surgery.

Well I'm many things but not stupid or ill prepared is not one of them. So I allowed them to schedule an appointment with the surgeon, because I mean come on “It's just a little surgery!” The day of the appointment came and I took my mother with me in order to help me digest the information. I had been marinating on the situation and had one really important question that I really needed the answer to. I go through all these insane tests to see how badly my vision had become and then finally get to see the “holy savior of eye balls.”

The surgeon came in and was pleasant but not overly nice, just how I like them. After introductions had been made and she got all up in my face space to personally measure my eyes, she sat back and asked "Before we get into the details are there any initial questions?" Rookie mistake.

I had just one but it was very important. I've never known anybody to have this done and the doctors wouldn't give me any details (it's their fault, however my behavior may have led to their lack of details), but I imagine that they have to do both eyes at the same time so that they are aimed the same way. Right? I don't want it like a cheapo fucked up tit job where you got one titty aimed nipple up and one aimed nipple left and I walk the rest of my days as the cockeyed lonely wanderer. . . . SILENCE. . . .  

 

The surgeon looked at me and then back at my mom. Mom met her gaze with a shoulder shrug and an eye roll that conveyed that I had been raised right but something had gone wrong along the way.

The holy savior of eye balls replied, "Lets start from the beginning. Your 1^st surgery will be on your weakest eye. We will break the occipital bone of your skull, remove that part of your skull, scrape the extra inflamed tissue from behind that eye and recess the eye back in your skull. Your 2^nd surgery will be two weeks later and we will go through the same skull breaking/removal process on the other eye. Your 3^rd surgery we will take and clip the skin at the corners of your eyes to reconstruct your eyelids. You should also know that this is only successful on two out of five people. And there is the slight risk that this can leave your vision worse than what it was when we started." I can’t make this stuff up.

 At this point many things happened at once, both at normal pace, but also at this weird slow motion pace. My mom slowly began gathering our items to leave as she braced for impact. I dropped and shook my head readying myself by taking a deep breath, I did not have time to go to jail today. Then the holy savior of eye balls did something real stupid, she made the assumption that I was about to cry and moved in closer to console me with touch. Bless her, she was right in my crosshairs, she had nowhere to go.

I looked up … "So 1^st of all this isn't some 'Little fucking surgery' that I keep hearing about it's not 'A' any-fucking-thing. It's THREE! THREE fucking surgeries that will take around 2-3 months to endure and recover from! How the fuck am I supposed to work, going about as patchy the fucking pirate?! Now, there are thee of us in this fucking room! You're telling me that if I grabbed two fuckers from the waiting room this surgery will only be a success on two out of fucking five of us! Fucking super! Excellent! So it'll be fucking fine because when I'm doomed to walk the earth with cockeyed tit up, tit left eye balls and I get snatched by traveling carnies who rape, kill, and drop my dead ass in a ditch it's fucking cool...Mom don't cry...it will be easy as hell to identify my dead body because I'll be the dead bitch with THE FUCKED UP OCCIPITAL BONE MISSING FROM MY SKULL! Just write it down mom! Write it the fuck down now so on my tombstone you know I want it to say ‘She Died Like She Lived Ballin' and Shot Callin'!"

Mom didn't miss a beat she kindly thanked the holy savior of eye balls for her time and began putting on her coat. The surgeon meekly squeaked that there was good news. That at this point my vision should be diminishing and I should be losing the capacity to differentiate between colors, but that all my test results showed that my vision was really good. She suggested that since it appeared I needed time to process the info discussed and that as long as I maintain good vision they would consider this a cosmetic choice only not a necessity. Bless her I’m sure she meant well.  

I still have to go routinely and make sure that I'm continuing to “maintain good vision.” Tho I’m pretty sure that everyday that passes I'm one day closer to going blind. At some point it will no longer be my choice, it will become a necessity to do it because a 40% chance of success is better than nothing. I'm actually due to go back and see this surgeon again here in the next month, why she consents to see me still I don't even know, she must have lost some kind of bet in hell. Recently I was with my mom as she flipped through a random notebook then looked to me with all the seriousness in the world and asked "Just so I get it right, are you still passionate that we put 'She died like she lived balling and shot calling' on your tombstone...or....have we moved past that?"

Until I come up with something better … yeah that’s what we’ll put.

-golden (@theonlygolden)