I Don’t know what to say, so here

It is the beginning of February March, I haven’t posted since Christmas time. I would say I’ve been off having fun and tell you all about it, but honestly I haven’t been. January felt like it was never going to end but it did include a massive snow storm, which is something my area of the planet doesn’t get often so that was fun. It was pretty watching it come down but I admit I didn’t really get out in it. I was working. I did take breaks to take pictures or video every few hours then would get back to the task at hand. It literally snowed for over 8 hours straight. We have heard we got between 6-10 inches of snow, depending on which report you want to go with. I guess now that I have the ability to work from home weather days are no longer  a thing. I guess technically I could have used PTO, lord knows I have enough of it, but I had a submittal due in the middle of that storm which turned into a “digital” submission. They were quick to add that we would need to submit hard copies the following week, which we did, tho I question as to why that was necessary. We’ll see if it was worth it.

While dealing with the snow and ice that followed, the other side of the country was literally on fire. Like for weeks it was all anyone talked about, all that was on the TV and then suddenly it wasn’t. That’s starting to feel a little discombobulating as it keeps happening over and over. A MASSIVE Story that everyone is supposed to stop and pay attention to then boom it’s just gone and we all move on except for those dealing with the aftermath. There have also been lots of plane crashes, and other insanity that I won’t go into cause it’s frankly depressing and I think I’m nearing the verge of a nervous breakdown so to rehash it all seems like it’s counter productive at this point. Case in point I started writing this in February, it’s now early March and I’m still working on it.

At the start of February my Dad’s older brother died just shy of his 90^th birthday. So last week we had to drive up for the funeral. I went for my Dad, I had recently seen his brother and while it was a good visit I can’t recall the last time I saw him (before that I mean). We were on our way back from visiting Olia for the first time (my new great niece) or I likely wouldn’t have gone that time either.

Not too long after I got home from that trip I got a text message from a dear friend of mine who had been in the hospital for over a month and she was finally home. It was quite a whirlwind of emotions. I’ve talked to her several times since and I really hope this time around she’s found the right combination of medicine and resolve that her time here is not over to finally find her place in this world.

Then a few days later my mom’s sister passed away. That’s always been a very complicated relationship between them. My aunt made some choices throughout her life that weren’t always in her best interest and the last few years she’s just kind of retreated from everyone would reach out when she was sick or needed something but more or less stayed away. I think in my mom’s head she was already gone. She never really processed the death but she is doing ok. She kept saying she feels like she should be sadder or going through specific emotions that she wasn’t feeling. The funeral was more of a viewing and clear on the other side of the state. We found out about it the night before and it was to be held the next morning. So mom and her remaining sisters decided to have lunch instead and they seemed to enjoy themselves. I hope they did. They all used to be so close.

Oh and we got us a new president in the middle of all of this. Every single day has been … an adventure. I have had people that I know that voted for him to look at me and say I didn’t realize it was going to be like this to which I replied what the actual hell did you think was going to be happening ? Or those that voted for him who are trying to convince me now that he’s doing what this country needs and I’ve completely lost my fight. Things that I used to be passionate about I’m just not anymore. I’d call it picking my battles but in reality, there are battles that I’m just not willing to fight anymore cause they honestly don’t matter. Things at work that used to bother me I can’t get geared up for it anymore. Go after that submittal or don’t I don’t care. Help with the submittal or don’t we just won’t get the job. That should bother me but I’m not the one losing out on the work they are. I’ve said for decades that I’m not going to care more about these than they are and I guess I’ve finally really hit that limit. I got a promotion recently and while I know I’ve earned it I can’t help but feel it’s just for show. I’m struggling with that cause while I feel like it’s a promotion like the last one nothing has really changed so it feels like I am just going through the motions.

I can’t tell you the last time I talked with Golden. I finally texted her the other day after realizing it had been weeks/months since we really talked only to find out that she’s very sick with I guess some version of the flu with her lack of immune system it’s not easy to determine really. They will get her well, patch her up and send her back into the world until it happens next time. I don’t like to complain to much about what I have going on cause there better be a throne waiting for her with her name on it for all the crap she's had to deal with in her short little life. In a few months she and I will be attending a concert in Atlanta and then Dragon Con a few months later. Gotta get my badge for that and a hotel. 

I’m still actively or passively looking for a therapist cause I know something isn’t right. Be it a chemical imbalance, a diet thing, or what I just know something is off. I am sleeping in like 2-3 hour shifts and when I’m sleeping it’s not “good” sleep it’s filled with stress dreams or I wake up so achy from being so tense it’s like I have forgotten how to relax. It’s very exhausting but I think I’m also getting used to being exhausted. I also realize this is not a good thing just a thing I’ve got going on. Apparently in order for me to find a therapist I have to call a 1-800 number from my insurance company and discuss what’s going on before they will give me a list of approved therapist for me to call and then I have to then explain to them what’s going on and it just all seems unnecessary. I have made the call once but no one called back (however it was during the holidays so I guess I fell through the cracks) and I haven’t taken the time since to do it again. I had an appointment with someone only to learn they don’t take my insurance and while I could go talk to her (who came highly recommended) but knew in the long run I wasn’t going to want to pay her so I’d just have to start over. I think my brain convinced myself that maybe this was someone or something telling me that I didn’t need to talk with anyone but my brain and I aren’t really talking at the moment so who knows what’s really going on. I just know I’m tired.

I did spend last weekend with my new great niece (whom I just call my niece now) Olia who is just as cute and lovely in person as she is in pictures. I love that little girl so much and I can’t wait to watch her grow up and give my nephew a run for his money. As I held her last weekend I told her that her Aunt Marcy loved her and she lifted her head up (post pandemic babies are built differently) looked me in the eye then dropped her head back to my shoulder. Like she wanted to see whoever had said that. Then she snuggled into me and made this little noise that I took as “cool I like you too!” There’s talk that they will be moving back this way upon graduation in May and I am very excited about it. Like with her dad I look forward to being a part of her everyday world like I was for him.

Lent is once again upon us. I have thought a lot about what to “give up” or “add” to my life. I have settled on SODA all kinds. So from here on out it’s water, tea, juice, or Koolaid. I was also going to give up social media again but that’s not going to be a hardship cause I haven’t really been using it lately. I’m going to keep it open cause that’s how I talk with my nephews and nieces and Golden. I should give up games on my phone as I’ve gotten really dumb with those lately, but damn a girl needs a vice and so I’m keeping those. So on this Fat Tuesday I’m here to tell you that I’m still here, we are still updating this blog, even if no one is reading, and I’m going to drink another coke cause come Midnight I’m done with soda until Easter…… please pray for my coworkers….I was going to take away fried food too but someone reminded me that Lent is not about making myself a monster but about reflection and sacrifice. So maybe I’ll use these next 40 days to focus on positive things in my life to try and turn things around.

 

Wish me luck!

Marcy

I AM BACK!!!!! Did you miss me ?!

So I’m back on social media …… and I’m not going to lie I missed the people not the various platforms. Like Twitter (also known as “x”) used to be my go to play ground for all things social media. I talked to people about sports, movies, tv, books, video games, consoles, literally any and all topics were on the table. Then it was harder to have those conversations. Either cause it would get drowned out by the noise or the people I used to talk to are no longer on the platform and some I really miss. Like have thought about trying to do a deep dive on the internet to find them but I decided that felt that was creepy and let them go.

I use Instagram to keep up with my nephews, my niece, and one fantastic girlfriend as well as specific celebrities who I like to “keep tabs on” but mostly AU athletes. I admit with AU in the SEC Championship for Basketball, the SEC Championship for Gymnastics, and AU Volleyball having spring games it’s been real hard to stay off. I use the platform to cheer these guys on…to talk to them and encourage them and there were times I felt they needed it. I held strong tho.

I logged into Facebook a few times cause I run our church account and needed to post for the church but didn’t stay around long enough to do much other than post. If I’m being honest it’s the one I use the least but I do enjoy hearing about what everyone else is doing and where they are going even if sometimes it highlights that they are doing and going and I’m …. Well not. My father on the other hand is kind of obsessed with it and i find that really interesting and often get people coming up to talk to me about whatever he's recently posted. Cause he tags me in everything. 

Ironically the one that was hardest to log back into was TikToc and I can’t figure out why. Every time I try to log in it wants to send me a code then does not accept said code and I’m in this never ending loop of hell. I’ll get it tho cause I understand that Golden has set up a library for me to watch and it will likely take me the next 40 days to catch up. 

Today is the last day of Lent so I’ve successful logged into all the social but won’t really start using it until tomorrow sometime. So, expect posts from me int eh coming days and I apologize if it’s crap you have already seen it’s new to me. The thing I like best about this social media break is that often I’m forced to reset passwords or update information cause I’ve been gone for so long. I got a new phone over these last 40 days so I had to relog into all of it and it was a chore but it does force me to check the status of my accounts, set up notifications etc.

Can’t wait to hear or see what everyone was up to while I was gone!

Marcy

@beaslma

 

Random Thoughts

Over the years I’ve had thoughts for various blogs but nothing worthy of a “full blog” in my opinion so I held them back until they pilled up into a ball of randomness that would equal what I call a “full blog” posting. I’ve called these posts a variety of things …. “Time for a catch up” ...  “Jumping onto my soap box”  …  “venting” … “Random Thoughts”  …   “What Grinds my Gears”  but most have their own problems. They all basically allow me to talk about randomness that really doesn’t connect together and get them out of my head. Time for a catch up implies that you know the background of what I’m talking about, sometimes you will sometimes you won’t if you’v been paying attention. Jumping on my soap box, venting and what grinds my gears implies that what I’m talking about has passion about a particular subject usually things that annoy me or frankly piss me off. However in this particular instance that is not the case. I have decided however to go with “Random Thoughts” from here on out… so here we go.

Birthday … A week ago dear readers I turned well …. Yeah I’m gonna say it …. 44  and let me tell you lately I’ve been feeling all of those years. More on that in a moment. It was a good birthday. Pretty low key, which is how I like em. The day before my work peeps took me to lunch. On my actual birthday the boss and my department took me to lunch (It was a Friday and many of my work peeps are doing the 10 hour days so they can have Friday’s off thing to save “gas”) So I was treated to lunch on two days and it was very nice. I didn’t necessarily have “time” for it but it was nice to get out of the office and enjoy some fellowship, comradery, and good food and a break from the insanity that was a Friday at work. That night my parents and brother and Sister in Law took me to dinner. All I really wanted for my birthday was a nice Steak. I got it and enjoyed the haties out of it.  Don’t get me wrong I enjoy celebrating my birthday I just as I’m getting older don’t want the attention. Not because of the number but because … well…. I don’t give the same energy back to my friends on theirs and that makes me feel really shitty. I want to give that energy but I’m just exhausted from giving my energy to so many things. Yes I am well aware of how lame that sounds …. Just give it to me ok.  

Doctors/Kidney Stone … Around Thanksgiving my back started bothering me really bad. During “Covid” my General Practice doctor left his practice and started a practice for 65 and older crowd focused on I guess Medicare/Medicaid ? AKA I was out cause as I stated previously, I am well under that number. I wasn’t “needing” a doctor and didn’t want to venture into the places where the sick people might be mingling so I didn’t do anything about it. A few times I masked up and went to an urgent care for a steroid shot or an antibiotic and went on with my life. So when I called the old place that I used to go to with my old GP and was like “I have done something to my back” the nice lady on the phone basically said go fuck yourself. With people out with the Flu and vacations being scheduled for holidays the earliest I could get in would be January. I was like are you kidding me right now? She said no. I said bye. I suffered through it taking an anti-inflammatory pills that I had from when I had hurt my knee and some “over the counter” pain relievers to help me sleep but every morning it was like I’d get out of bed and someone would shank me in the lower part of my back in the exact same place every single day. At one point I even thought I had Sciatica and would try to do the “exercises” I found online for it. FIRST OFF WHY DOES EVERY BACK REMEDY START WITH GET YOUR ARSE ON THE FLOOR. If I could get off said floor that would be different but cheese and rice man I can’t do that. I’d try and I’d fail every time. There were a few times that I almost threw up from the pain and several other times that I let the pain get the best of me and had to clean up the results of that. I’ll spare you those details.

                                               

Needless to say I finally had enough and right around Christmas/New Years drug myself to the Urgent Care cause there was no way this was “just a strained back” anymore. I started having dreams about the pain I was in. Like full on technicolor dreams about going to the doctor getting an x-ray only to discover a broken hip, or a broken back, or that I was in the middle of a heart attack and the nightmare that followed. I had been resting it and babying it and lathering up in the muscle spasm creams and sprays just to be able to walk across a room. Jokes on me it was January before I could see anyone anyway. Well played nurse … well played.

The Urgent care discovered that I had a UTI and also took an x-ray that upon review revealed that I also had what appeared to be a LARGE Kidney Stone. They sent me to a Urologist. The first thing he did was take a urine sample then send me for a CT where I had to lie on my back perfectly still for like 10 minutes. When I went to get up I almost passed out the tech did too. She said I got super pale and made me immediately sit back down. I was glad it was angry so that they could really see it in all it’s pissed off glory. Then…. I went back to work.

Two days later he called, during my staff meeting, to say I had a 7mm kidney stone at the base of my kidney. It seemed logged in there and then he said the thing that scared me more than anything else … I don’t know that this is going to solve your back problem, but it needs to be dealt with. I almost burst into tears but regrouped and said ok so now what. He was going to schedule my surgery to have Non-Invasive Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lithotripsy (ESWL) cause he didn’t believe I’d be able to pass it. That long ass word is basically the use of sound waves to crush the kidney stone into smaller pieces so that they can more easily pass through the bladder.

The immediate unknown hit me hard and frankly scared the shit out of me. However, it got scheduled and I prepared myself for my first ever surgery just after my 44^th birthday (that’s right it would be on Feb 1^st … so we are now 4 months into this process). Sure, I had had my wisdom teeth removed and done a colonoscopy before but nothing like this. It was going to be an outpatient surgery at the hospital with IVs, a medical bracelet with my name on it, and wires and stuff and I was to be put to sleep for it. I had a male work friend who was trying to walk me through all of it cause apparently, he does this like every 3-6 months. I told him I hope that will not be me.  The day of the surgery came the first thing they did was a scan of my kidneys and lower abdomen I guess to make sure nothing had moved. Then I told my father goodby and  was taken to the back, and they did a pregnancy test, which was Negative of course. Then … I waited and watched some TV, that is to say I flipped the channels. I made the mistake of leaving my phone at home (one more thing to deal with I told myself) I missed it so during that hour and a half or so.

                                                      

Next thing I know we are waiting on the anesthesiologist who eventually showed up and spent about 10 minutes telling me how small my mouth/throat was and that he couldn’t believe I don’t have Sleep Apnea and suggested I see a doctor about it. I was like um… ok can we focus on the task at hand please. Next thing I know they wheel me down the hall, I transition from the bed to this table thing, I shift into position….  and then…. I woke up in recovery. Like I have zero recollection of anything in between. Which I guess is a good thing. I woke up in the middle of my colonoscopy and I threw up on my dentist during my wisdom teeth removal.

My small throat was killing me …. The nurse lady kept asking if I needed or wanted ice chips and I thought are you crazy my throat doesn’t work. I could barely swallow. I asked if it worked, she said sure honey it did. I didn’t believe her. I just wanted to go home. I stayed there a little while longer while the nurses talked about Rihanna and if she had ever performed at the Super Bowl before. One of the nurses was sure she had and the others were like nah she hadn’t. Then they talked about last years Super Bowl halftime show naming all the hip hop stars, and they couldn’t remember Mary J or Eminem. They kept saying you know it had Snoop and Dr. Dre and those other people and when I yelled out Mary J they were shocked I was even sitting there. Ice lady came over to see if I was ok but one of the other nurses said she’s right Mary J was there and proceeded to round out the guest list. Then the nurse that was sure Rihanna had went to the all mighty google to confirm she was right only to lean she was thinking of the Grammys and played Disturbia at near high volume for much longer than I feel she should have.

That was my cue to leave. No offense to Rihanna but yeah it was time. I got dressed and was wheeled out of the hospital to my dad’s car. He stopped to pick up medicine at Wallgreens (that was not mine – he’d have to go back later for that) and we finally made it home. Mom had asked earlier in the week what I might want to eat and I requested plain white rice with a little butter. I promptly thew that up and went to bed. I slept for the next 9 hours. Got up, ate some saltines and took the only pain pill I’ve taken so far and then went back to bed where I slept in 2 hour intervals that night. The next day was more of the same. I’d wake up be groggy as hell, sit there for 15-20 minutes and pass out for about 2 hours and start the cycle again. I guess around 6:30 that night I finally got up and ate something real and stayed up the rest of the night in hopes of a better night’s sleep that night. I was proud to report that my back pain was nearly nonexistent unless I had a full bladder then it was more of the same. However, I was considering it a win.  In all of this I only missed 2 days of work. The day for the surgery and the day after. I’m not sure if I’m proud of that or not to be honest. I have spent the last few days trying to pass these things so I can move on with my life to hopefully never do this again.

Rest…. I suck at rest. When I’m resting I’m thinking about all the thousands of things I should be doing while resting which means 1. I’m not enjoying the rest … 2. I’m not really resting at all and 3. I’m also not accomplishing the thousands of things I'm thinking about which amps me up even more. Even on typical weekends I know there are things I should be doing but I don’t do them and instead watch mind numbing TV or play games or scroll on my phone kicking myself for not doing all the things instead of “wasting time” when “wasting time” is what my body is telling my brain I need to be doing but then my brain isn’t letting me enjoy it. Golden was quite proud I took 2 days for my surgery she wanted me to take more but I think also understood my need to make sure things at work were handled. I did at least work from home (more cause I had to than by my choice) so it wasn’t quite as grueling but still. That being said on Monday I’m going to sell back 40 hours of Vacation to my work. I’m not going to use it and I might as well get paid for it instead of losing it. So what I am saying is I’m still learning what “rest” is and how to use it.

Music/Convert Tickets…. Buy the freaking concert tickets or don’t. Just stop with the bitching. Is it stupid expensive to go to a “concert” yes …. Are these acts jumping through more hoops than ever to make shows even happen, also yes. It’s not ticketmaster, it’s not scalpers, it’s the fact that when they put an insane price on a pair of tickets (and we aren’t even talking a decent pair of seats at this point) people are still buying them. Taylor Swift fans weren’t bitching about the price they were bitching that they sold out before they could get in to buy them at that stupid price. Beyonce fans were the same way, bitching about the price as well as how quickly they sell out. Get the tickets or don’t. Honestly I don’t care but be pissed off about the right thing. Complain to the right people. The idea that Congress is going to possibly take this up is just blowing my mind. Congress hasn’t and can’t solve a damn thing but yeah let’s focus on this. Let a Beyonce tour not sell a ticket, let an Ed Sherran sell out half a stadium, let Taylor not fill the seats and see if those prices don’t come down but that’s not going to happen. There is always going to be someone perfectly happy to pay the insane price for your seat. When I saw Ed a few years ago in TN I admit I overpaid for my seats. When I got there, I was damn proud to have done so. Am I lining back up to see him on his new tour, frankly no. It’s a stadium tour, outside, in the south, during the summer. So many things to factor in…the weather, the heat, the uncomfortableness of the day. I love the new album and I still love the man but I’ve seen him do his thing in really great seats and now I’ll just watch youtube clips. Let someone else have my seat. However, if I did decide to jump back in the ring I’d pay the extra money for the decent seats. You will too. Sop acting all high and mighty as you pull the credit card out of your wallet. 

Now if we are talking about Bryan White just take the wallet do what you need to do and return it afterwards cause I'd pay anything the man asks me to pay and I'd even buy the boy a burger for his troubles. Have I told you guys how much I love that man ?! If not I should do that. 

                                                 

 

Lent is coming ……. Which means giving things up …….. which for me typically means social media and soda. Last year I did caffeine in general which also took out tea and with my recent Kidney stone issues I think I’m going to do that again. However Lent 2023 starts Feb. 22^nd and ends April 8^th. My nephew is getting married the first week of March so I’m not planning to give up social media but I also don’t plan to be on it as much either. I frankly look forward to this “break” and Lent is a good excuse for it. However in the lead up to and the aftermath of the wedding I want to see the messages, the pictures that are shared the fun surrounding it all and to do that I need to be on all the social sites. Maybe I’ll find something else to give up along with Caffeine but that’s another post.

                                   

Well there you have it …. random conversations from me about very random things I needed to get out of my head. Hope you enjoyed that. There were several other things I'm dying to talk about but those will come in another post.  

Marcy (@beaslma)

A little …. me time.

I played hooky from Church today, cause I needed a me day. I slept in, got some laundry going, watched some trash TV, reset all out clocks cause of the end of daylight savings time and just kind of … hung out. AT some point today I might do my taxes. Mine are never really that hard it’s just waiting for all the documentation to arrive so I can do it then … procrastination. Eventually however I’ll sit down, download the program and get it done. 

Yesterday me and my coworkers participated in a chili cook off that ended up being a very long day. We have been doing this for several years, skipping last year cause of Covid (in 2020 it was the last thing we did before everything shut down). It was pretty cool cause they moved it this year to an area that we are helping revamp and so it was like our project was literally on display. At one point the project manager of that project was talking to someone else when a huge 18 wheeler went through the Roundabout that we designed and everything stopped in our tent as we watched this huge truck make its way through it. One of the big deals of that part of the project was that Mardi Gras Floats had to be able to navigate it (successfully done a few weeks ago btw) and big 18-wheelers that often used the route needed to be able to navigate it as well. After what we saw on Saturday … mission accomplished. We were all quite proud.

I got there at 8:30 but the guys doing the actual cooking got there at 5AM. It was stupid cold. Like in the low 30s cold and windy. The cold wasn’t so bad cause you could put on layers but that wind just cut you in half. When I got there at 8:30 it was still pretty bad but overall it was a good team building day of fun, laughter, selling our chili to people, and raising money for the American Cancer Society. I get there around 9ish cause by then the table is clear of all the “food prep” and I can put out the tablecloth with our name on the font of course and the give a way items and make the booth “pretty.” Every year once we are there, I think damn we could have done more to decorate but our focus is always on the chili not the extras around it. We are hearing that our chili came in 2^nd … but no official results yet. Everyone that tried it said it was good and that’s good enough for us. So all in all a great day.

However, I decided to take today as a me day. I’m doing what I want when I want and how I want. Which includes updating everyone on this blog. I am now some 13 days into Lent. I have not had caffeine, nor been on social media since Mardi Gras (March 1^st). The lack of caffeine has nearly done me in. The headache was unbareable for the first 3 or 4 days. At one point it hurt to even touch my head let alone brushing my hair. At one point I almost downed a coke just to make it go away. My SIL said “you can take a break on Sundays” but I thought one coke would end it all so I refrained. I have had more water than I think I have ever drank in my life. I have also used the bathroom more than I have ever in my life. Which I guess is a good thing. I can see inches falling away, slowly but surely. Plus I feel better. I’m also sleeping more than I ever have. I seem to be overly exhausted either due to lack of caffeine or the last few months of non-stop insanity. Either way it’s been nice getting some actual rest. I guess that’s what the lack of being on my phone will do for a person.

Golden is also doing some self care during these 40 days, she’s doing her 40 acts of kindness as usual but has also started a vow of silence on Sundays. No using her phone for social media, no texting or talking just her working in her art therapy books, journals, reading, and just playing with her dog. I’m glad she’s doing that cause I think she really needs a day to recharge and chill.

There’s a lot to look forward to in the next few weeks, the SEC Gymnastics Championships, the NCAA Regionals, National Tournament, the Final 4, Invictus Games, French Open, Indianapolis 500, Wimbledon, all kinds of fun athletics on display. So it should be an interesting few months!

Hope you guys are having a great Lent!

Marcy

Happy 2022 … wait what it’s already March ?!

                                      

If 2020 was a literal blur and 2021 and was kinda blur the first 3 months of 2022 have been just nonexistent for me hence my first posting of the year coming in March. Between working getting insanely stupid in January to Golden finally getting Covid (with her job it wasn’t when it was if and if finally caught up with her) and the stress of losing my grandma on my fraking birthday, working non stop on a proposal in the middle of burring my grandmother, and then Golden getting pneumonia in February and work continuing to blow up hard for me, plus two new employees to train and get up to speed it’s just been a hot minute since I could breathe. 

This past weekend my bestie took me to Auburn for some much needed R&R … we got to watch Gymnastics, and Softball and even squeezed in some Tom Holland via Uncharted and ate some great food. Got to hang with the nephew and his better half which was a lot of fun and it was just a great relaxing weekend. I didn't realize how much I needed it until we were on our way home and I realized for the first time in MONTHS I was fully relaxed. 

Today is Mardi Gras so I’m off of work, I took yesterday off too but ended up working about half a day. I have a submittal due on Friday so they are hopefully reviewing the “final draft” now and the work I ended up doing on Monday will make Wednesday a little easier ….. I’m also waiting on a subconsultant to get back with me …. One that I’ve not communicated with but my Project Manager has. I hate that. Make the connection then let me and their marketing person get together and handle the rest. Sigh …… I am trying to treat my vacation (PTO) time with the respect they deserve. I have neglected it far too long. So today, I spent my time preparing for my next trip. DRAGON CON !!!!!! I have secured the hotel, I have secured the membership, Golden is making her plans and guys ….. I have a Care Bear suit. I’m gonna be Tenderheart!!! I had Birthday monies in my pocket and a drink in my hand when I purchased it but damn if it's not cute. :D If I have the courage to wear it in the Atlanta August heat that is. Stay tuned for that. 

Since it’s Mardi Gras you know what that means. It’s nearly time for Lent. 4 ways to observe Lent are below if you are looking for ways to participate. I know Lent isn’t only about giving up things it can also be about adding things to the plate but to me erasing something for 40 days is easier than adding as no two days are ever the same. This year's Lent is gonna be hard yall …. Not only am I giving up social media … which frankly I’m looking forward to at the moment, but I’m also giving up Caffeine. No soda’s, no tea, just water and juice moving forward for the next 40 days. Lord help the people I live, work, and are around on the daily.

 

Why do I post my lent plans here …. It’s to keep me in check. I feel that my body is begging for me to do something, literally anything to get myself back in check. I recently did  a health care screening for my work (something about our health care BS) and well let’s just say I’ve never seen numbers so far off. Like it was all so far off I’ve thought about making a visit to my regular GP to just see what’s up. My BP is always high … always … even when I’m taking my medication as prescribed but this time it was like off the charts did it 4 times to make sure high. That’s not good. My weight has been a constant journey since I stopped playing sports and well it’s weird I don’t “feel” huge but lord knows that scale sure felt it. DAMN…. So I am reaching the point where it’s now or never and starting is always the hardest part. I know you are supposed to look at inches not weight but damn I still can’t get over that number. So I’m going to spend the next 40 days trying to retain my body to not crave the crap that I eat and drink. It’s not that I eat badly, hell most of the time I’m not even finishing the meal in front of me but I do like soda, I do like chips, I like to “snack” I just need to make better choices and that’s going to start with me and with Lent. I feel like if I can do it for 40 days … maybe I can make it last.

 As always you guys hold the world together while I am away and for the love of GOD someone please check on Golden every once in a while for me! 

Wish me luck!

 Marcy

Big Rona

So …. It’s crazy to me that my last post some 20  f’ing days ago was concerned about what I was or was not giving up for Lent. Like that was a major thing, something to stress about. Who knew that less than a month later Lent would be the least of my worries. Today marks a week since I left my house, other than to go to my back porch to retrieve frozen mystery meat for supper. My super awesome boss didn’t want to go into the office and wasn’t going to ask us to do something he wasn’t also willing to do. Turns out his wife found out that one of her coworkers is showing symptoms and his son has a classmate also showing symptoms. Our city just got the test in the last few days so who knows what they have. Could be the Flu…could be Big Rona (as Golden calls it) but either way why risk it? 

I’ve been fortunate enough to work from home for the last week and we are planning to work from home next week. some of my friends have not been so lucky. They are out there fighting the good fight and I have had other friends be released from their positions. It's a stupid crazy time for everyone.  

Whether you are reading this on mandated lockdowns, in self quarantine, Self-isolation, or just practicing social distancing you are doing your part to slow this damn thing down and I thank you. Now understand I don’t want the “virus” as everyone is starting to call it (tho its nickname changes on the daily … Coronavirus, COVID-19, whatever the president decides to call it in todays daily rant/press conference).  I’m not so concerned about getting it myself, I think I’m healthy enough to fight it off. It is my mom and dad I worry about.

Mom just got to the point where she was leaving the house again on her own, and Dad … well he’s just crazy and is even crazier when he’s normal sick let alone whatever this thing manifest itself to be. The truth is it could be devastating for them, more so than for me … then again if they are devastated then so am I. People don’t seem to understand that by being out and about you are simply taking a risk that you or I can’t afford for them to take. We are in my opinion about 2 weeks from being Italy. To having a country wide mandated, stay the fuck at home order issued. 


It’s funny how so many people are continuing to make light of this. Granted I was one of those people early on as I watched other County’s dealing with it. The longer this has gone the faster it spread the less funny it became. However some still seem to not get it. My particular town recently got the "tests" so I'm assuming our cases will start to go up. For now everyone around me feels like as long as that number remains low the threat is not a problem for us. Let me repeat we JUST GOT THE TEST. The threat is there we just don't know about it yet. 

They say stay at home everyone rushes to Walmart, or for some reason the big box stores (Costco, Sams etc.). A guy near my town had it and the hospital sent him home to recover and HE STOPED BY THE GROCERY ON THE WAY HOME! Like what?! The number of people who say “it’s just like the flu calm down!” I’ve had the flu it wasn’t fun. I’d imagine this one isn’t either and oh by the way with the Flu there's medicine I can take to make it better, not so much with Rona. The number of people getting online to say “I had it and it wasn’t that bad” should also be punched in the face. It affects everyone differently. It’s causing massive panic attacks daily don’t tell people how to feel about it. I know you think you are helping but you are just making it harder for that one that gets it cause now people think it’s not so bad that person should just get over it.

The one thing about this that I’ve loved watching is that we appear to be coming together as a Country. We appear to be finally using social media to spread good not just evil. We are reaching out to neighbors when before we’d have driven right past if they were laying on the grass in their front yards. There are people offering to get groceries for those too scared to go out, there's companies telling people that kids eat free at restaurants (ok part of that is getting people to come in the door but still), tech companies making it easier for kids to do school from home, health care workers being at the front of this and putting them selves as risk every day but especially in times like this, the people in Italy singing to one another from their various balcony's, churches being forced to share their messages online meaning more might hear what they have to say or better yet people might listen to sermons that they would never hear before. All of it adds up to the fact that even in the stupidest of times we can be good to one another. There is good out there and it's getting increasingly hard to find but if you look for it … if you really look for it, it makes the rest easier. Mr. Rogers was right. Look for the helpers, look for those who have the good sense to listen and take care of themselves and others. 

Now don’t get me wrong there are those, like my partner in crime Golden who can’t stay home. She works at a place that if she doesn’t go to work a domino effect happens … 1. She could lose her insurance. 2 Her residents who depend on her could have major problems. 3. The loss of her insurance would mean she couldn’t get her medication. 4. Golden is a sick puppy and needs that medication cause someone has to take care of Mighty. 5. Mighty might eat Golden's face after a while. Ok that last one likely won't happen but I wanted to round out my list. It is kind of humerous that a quarantine life is like built for Golden. She lives for days where she can create a nest on her couch, watch TV, play games, eat munchies, and watch movies. It’s what she has been training for but she can’t participate. That’s like the worst joke in the world.  

However if everyone else could just chill and relax then Golden being out in the world with no immune system wouldn’t be so scary.

One day this will pass, we'll all laugh and joke about it and move on to the next big thing, and one day we will look back and all of it will be analyzed and discussed. This is a great time to see that we are a Country that can come together for the greater good, even if it's only for a short time.

So be good to one another, reach out to one another, and for the love of Golden stay the fuck at home!

Marcy 

Lent: Control

 

So as I said the other day I have decided not to give anything up for Lent. I’m adding things to my life instead of giving things up. Like I’ve worked out for 7 days straight, I’m also focusing on actually sleeping instead of just being in a bed in a dark room for 8 hours. Lastly, I’m going to write and actually mail letters. 

I wrote my first one today. It’s to an ex coworker who is having a birthday next week. It just made sense to start with her. It’s crazy to me that I’m “pen pals” with her (usually via e-mail) cause I didn’t LOVE the time we spent together when we worked together. She was very much one of those if she liked you she would bend over backwards for you but if she didn’t like you she either half assed it or just kind of blew it off. I wasn’t a fan of that. Granted there are people that I like working with more than others but at the end of the day my job is to help all not just the select few I enjoy. Plus without the asshats the ones I like I might not like as much. However this "friendship" also also kind of makes sense too. 

No matter the week we had, no matter the words bantered about … if it was a rough week or a long week or even just a good week if she came up to me on a Friday and said wanna go get a drink after work I was always in. She lived alone at home just her and her pups, and her family was in another state so those “drinks” after work were likely a way for her to minimize being at home alone but they meant more than that to me. It meant she saw me as someone she wanted to invest in, someone she wanted to spend time with and get to know better, someone that she saw had value. I’ll never forget that. That’s not to say we always saw eye to eye on everything but we could separate that work drama from real life living and I miss that. The boss that followed was like night and day, but it led me to the one I have now and I’ll always love her for that – only that …that’s all I give her credit for. He’s spent many days trying to repair some of the walls she forced me to build.  

Today our preacher started her series on Lent that she’s calling “Giving it up” but she focusing less on things but on ideas such as Giving up Control, Superiority, Expectations that kind of thing. The idea is that it is foolish to think you have “control” in anything cause you don’t. God does. I get that idea and I get that thought process but if say …. A safe is falling from the sky and I’m under it …. Frankly it’s up to me to take control of my body and move it out of the way. This idea that a diety is going to “save” me from myself if I “let go” seems …. Well dangerous. I think it’s a lack of control that has caused the society that we have now. This idea that no matter what I do it will be ok in the end mentality that causes people to drive to fast, to text while driving, to walk into a random establishment with a gun in their hands. That’s not to say I haven’t done those things, well that last one I can honestly say I’ve never done that one, but the rest I’m guilty of. 

I’ve never been a fan of group projects ….. it’s not a control thing but more of a get the hell out of my way and I’ll get it done thing. I don’t trust the other person to do it the way I’d do it, or as well. Case in point ... the submittal I’m working on … a co-worker was going to do a segment of it. I was apprehensive about this but ok fine let her do that. She did them ……. They were all kinds of messed up. I reviewed them as she asked. Sent it back to her for review and so we have now spent far longer on a section that still isn’t finished that if I had been allowed to just do would be done by now. That's just not ok. I’m trying to be a team player but that’s just frustrating. Now next week I have to worry about that instead of it being done like the rest of the document. All cause I had to let go of control.

The point is Control isn’t a bad thing. Control keeps my shoulders in place instead of around my ears. It keeps my back relaxed instead of stiff as a board. It allows me the space to breathe. So my point with this is that Control isn’t the problem, it’s understanding that at the end of the day my choices make what kind of day I’m going to have or have had. I’ve always said you can’t praise God when things are going well and then blame the Devil when they aren’t. At the end of the day it’s all part of the plan, the path, your choices just CONTROL how hard or easy that path is. At least in my opinion.

Happy Sunday! 
Marcy

Wait … it’s Lent again?!

It's a random Tuesday and I am at home. That means it's Mardi Gras which means Lent starts tomorrow. Wait … what.... it’s Lent again ?! I'm not mentally prepared for Lent. Really like how in the world did that happen so fast. It feels like just yesterday I was logging back into all my social media accounts after last years Lent. While giving up social media is usually the way I go this year I have decided to do something different. Instead of giving up things I’m going to adopt things. Not like a puppy or a kid, but I’m going to do things that I don’t normally do instead of giving up things I like to do. I mean I can't give back a puppy or a kid in April .... That's not how that works ... right?! Like Social Media (Twitter, Facebook, Instagram etc.) and Soda, or sweet tea. Tho I will admit my social media breaks these last few years have been nice and in the run up to an election year it would make sense to do so again. Maybe I should re think this ................... Mostly I don’t wanna give up social media this year cause … well I don’t want to. Also, I have some things coming up that will make Social Media necessary and fun. 

My boss and I are going to the SERC conference as part of SMPS down in Tampa. Last year when I went they had these Social Media challenges that I couldn’t participate in and I really wanted to. Also my older nephew tried out for something pretty awesome the other day at his school and the announcement of if he’s in or not will be on social media. My other nephew will be spending the weekend with us in a few weeks and I like to cause Jealousy with his brother on how much fun we are having. The Sussex family returns for what might be their last official engagements and say what you will about that couple I love and miss them. So I want to soak it all up while I can. I 100% get where they are coming from and am kind of proud of them for putting themselves first. Tho it does kind of crack me up that the Spare .... the what 6th in line for the throne .... has caused a meltdown in Buckingham Palace cause he wants to step back. He never said I don't want to be a Royal he said I don't want to be a SR Royal. There's tons of Royals around them that aren't SR royals but get to enjoy the perks. I wish the rest of the world would let them move on, and that includes the Royal family, media and their so called fans. My Auburn Gymnastics team has several really huge meets coming up in the lead up to the SEC Championships in late March with the regional championships in early April. So I just don’t feel like all that is stuff I want to skip. I’m also hoping there will be some more fun things that I am not aware of yet that might hit my radar. I like happy surprises.

So this year here’s my plan of what I’m going to do instead of give up. 

• My mom and I are starting a workout program where we use our exercise equipment at least once a day together. It’s kind of a fun bonding thing. We started out wanting to do it once a day for a week, I’m going to extend it through Lent, I haven’t told her yet but hopefully she will be on board. 

• I’m going to set my phone for an alarm to go off twice a day I get up, leave my desk, walk around the building and come back to said desk on the 10th floor. I might even take the stairs a few times. I might not, I mean it’s 10 floors people, then again … how will you know. My job is one of those where I get to the office sit in my chair, log on to my PC and only get up to use the restroom, go to the printer or if a coworker calls and asks me to come help them with something. That's not healthy. 

• I’m going to write actual letters. I had meant to send out Christmas cards this year and it just didn’t happen. I gathered all the things several times to sit down and do it then never did. So, then I thought it would be kind of cool to just randomly send these people letters during the year so during lent I’m going to make some of those happen. I’m thinking at least a letter ever other week during Lent. 

This Lent I’m hoping to make about experiences not about giving things up. What are you giving up or adding to your lives for Lent this year?!

Marcy
@beaslma

He has risen!

Happy Easter !!!!!!

To my fellow readers I hope you have a wonderful day filled with happy memories being made with family and friends. I remember when I was little Easter being a huge deal. We'd get up on Good Friday and if Dad didn't have to work we'd head to one of the grandmother's houses and have an Easter Egg hunt with the cousins and play and play and play. Sometimes yard work was involved but I mostly remember the "playing." I missed our church's Easter Egg hunt this year cause it took place while I was in Birmingham with a friend to see Kiss. More on that in my next post.

Sometimes there was a new dress and if I were lucky a hat, which meant mom didn't have to spend hours on my hair. She was a big fan of bows, braids, etc., and I was a big fan of well ripping them out of my head the second she was through so it was a headache neither needed. 

I remember a lot of laughter, sometimes crying, and lots of sweets and candy. My family knows how to cook, something that must have skipped my generation. I'm too impatient for cooking. I'm far patient enough for the eating however. 

This morning we woke up just before the crack of dawn to attend Sunrise Service. Due to some late parishioners the service started well after sunrise but was nice and peaceful just the same. It was also cold, tho not nearly as cold as last years service which consisted of wind coming off the lake cutting right through you. 

. 

The Easter Bunny was good to me this year. He brought me chocolate and Wild Cherry Pepsi, I'm ashamed to admit i'm on my 3rd as I type this. It's coyingly sweet and frankly the 2nd one almost made me sick but I'm not a quitter. I fear I've forever altered my taste buds but I can't go the rest of my life drinking sweet tea or juice only. I just can't. It was a long 40 days yall. 

After the Sunrise service I reached out to Sam Cerio, relogged into all my random accounts and have reconnected with a few people that I truly missed during my 40-days of Lent. I like my social media break don't get me wrong but after the last few years it is the connections that I miss the most. It's nearly time for lunch and then hopefully a nap. 

Have a fantastic day everyone and may you all have a blessed week ahead, don't get a tummy ache from all the goodies in your basket. 

Marcy

@beaslma 

SMPS SERC – Travel Day

 

So on Sunday I woke up earlier than normal, grabbed my bag, and headed to the airport for my first ever SMPS SERC (Society for Marketing Professional Services Southeast Regional Conference). Last year my boss got to go in Atlanta and this year is my turn. As I walked out the door the handle on my bag broke and I thought well aint that a bitch. I hoped it was not an omen for the trip. I soldiered on cause I wasn’t repacking that bag into another bag at that point. I mean come on bag that wasn’t cool at all. 

The plane ride was uneventful which is just how I like em. It was my first time traveling American Airlines and no I wasn’t in the 737, I checked that last week. The plane however seemed really really really small. Like stupid small.  I’m usually a Delta girl, I like the brand, the people are always friendly and I just feel comfortable in their planes. However upon booking this flight I realized that my connection in Atlanta to Charlotte (cause you can’t do anything with Delta without it involving Atlanta) would have been taking off in Atlanta at the same thing that American would have been putting my luggage on the carousel for me to pick it up in Charlotte. AKA this time a direct flight won.

Upon arriving in Charlotte I went to find my rental car, another first for me, I chose Avis instead of Hurts my usual go to. Why did I choose Avis …. Cause one that’s what American Airlines was affiliated with, two I was able to get the car I wanted. See dear reader I’m in the process of thinking about my next car. My current Sonata is about 6 years old and while I’m like it to last a few more years I’m starting the process of thinking about it now. I’m ready for something different. I’m thinking Hyundai Kona (cause I love the look of it and the fact it’s kind of a newer car), but have also looked at the Santa Fe (I’d like to stay in the Hyundai family. I’ve also thought about the Honda CRV as an option. So I’m using this trip as a “test drive” of a vehicle of this type. I ended up renting a Hyundai Santa Fe. I do like the car, I liked the way it drove. I spend 90% of my time in my car alone so it’s hard for me to justify a car like this but I think I’m past just having a sedan. I do need to make sure mom could climb into it.  My conference is in Asheville, NC but I have friends who live in Charlotte, NC. So I’m going to spend a few days after the conference ends hanging out with them. I do kind of hate having to rent a car on Sunday so that I can use it Thursday and Friday it’s just chilling in the parking lot for a few days which seems like a waste. Oh well ….that’s adulting.

Upon arrival in Asheville, NC (about an hour and a half from Charlotte) I drove into the hotel resort and was blown away cause it’s kind of tucked away and like crossing a portal to another kind of world. The resort lobby was beautiful, the detail they put into the place was amazing. Walking up to the front desk the guy could have ben a little nicer but whatever maybe he was near the end of his shift ….whatever. He definitely could have told me how to get to my room with a little more detail but I’m sure he’s giving that speech a billion times and just doesn’t think the complex is very hard to navigate cause he does it daily. This resort has different areas that you could be staying it each with a fun different kind of name. However there are ZERO signs, I take that back there are signs but they are very hard to see. I finally found my room and realized that they spent the majority of their money on the lobby. The room is nice don’t get me wrong but this room could have been at any hotel. None of the charm or love that the lobby has was also utilized in the rooms.

At this point I was starving, it was after all close to 3pm and I hadn’t eaten anything yet. So I decided to jump back into the Santa Fe and drive around the area. I was disappointed. As beautiful as the complex around the resort is the area around it left some to be desired. I did make a stop at a local convenience store for some snacks and drinks for the next few days.

Day 1 was just a travel day. The actual conference starts Monday am with registration and some events in the afternoon. So I worked some on Sunday just to put my mind at ease. A few things I needed to get done so that others could do their part while I was around. This made me feel better about sleeping in Monday morning and just chilling a little bit. I think I might need professional help.

This is my first conference I’m looking forward to how it goes, I’m also looking forward to meeting some new people.

I’ll check in a few times this week to tell you how this is going for me …. Giving up Social Media and Soda for lent has been hard. I love getting an Icee on road trips, couldn’t. Just about every drink I like has soda in it. So no drinking. Every event talks to sharing this or that on Social Media. If you are interested they are asking people to use #SMPSSERC in any of their posts.

Marcy  @beaslma

Lent - 2019 Social Media Break for Lent

It’s Lent people. 

Well ok not yet, but starting Ash Wednesday, Lent will be in full effect and I'll be back at work so I'm posting this today on my day off for Mardi Gras. You guys I actually went to a parade this year … it was fun ….. the weather wasn't so great but the floats were fun …. 

Now I don’t consider myself a wholly religious person. Yes I go to church, yes I participate in various events (vacation bible school, Easter egg hunts, anything really dealing with the kiddos etc.) but this is a practice I've really gotten into for the last several years cause it allows me to shift my focus from me to the world around me. What is Lent you might be asking me . . . well not me cause I’m not there but likely the person you are with... I'll answer since that person seems preoccupied to do so ….. rude....  

Well according to dictionary.com it’s …. 

According to Wikipedia it’s ….

Lent is a solemn religious observance in the Christian Calendar that begins on Ash Wednesday and ends approximately six weeks later, before Easter Sunday. The purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer for Easter through prayer, doing penance, repentance of sins, almsgiving, and self-denial. In Lent, many Christians commit to fasting, as well as giving up certain luxuries in order to replicate the sacrifice of Jesus Christ's journey into the desert for 40 days. Many Christians also add a Lenten spiritual discipline, such as reading a daily devotional or praying through a Lenten calendar, to draw themselves near to God.

However, Lent isn't only about "giving up" things you could ADD prayer to your day, ADD reading the bible, Add Meditation about what your spiritual journey means to you. I also found this list of things you can "give up" that can have a positive impact on your life and those around you …. enjoy.

Golden used to do a 40-acts Lent event ….. a British movement that uses the 40 days of Lent to focus on the religious principle of giving to others from a Christian perspective. 40 days of giving back, doing good, and living generously. 

Basically it’s 40 random acts of kindness while expecting nothing in return. That by the way is the very definition of a Golden but with extra profanity and diet coke thrown in for flavor. I don’t know if Golden still does the 40acts but I’m sure she does something similar if not. She’s the most giving person that I know and I know like enough people to count them without having to use my toes too. 

As I have done the last few years, 2018, 2017, I’m shutting down my social media for 40 days to regroup, live in the moment, and step away from the negativity that social media has become. Granted it’s not as “BAD” as it has been for me lately cause after my first year doing this, I got rid of a good chunk of negativity on my feeds. As I have said before I’m a huge believer in a block button, in the unfollow button and in the hide button. I think sometimes people have views that don’t align with yours and that’s ok but I don’t need to see it.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to shut down views that don’t align with mine. However what most on social media users fail to realize is that a CONVERSATION about different views is good, heck one of us might even learn something from that conversation. ATTACKING one another for your different views however is NOT. People are stupid brave behind a keyboard and it’s insane. I’ll never understand it. You know what I do when I see a post I don’t like, I keep scrolling. If it’s a post that’s just really unnecessarily awful or attacking I might report them to Twitter and block said person, but I don’t give it more thought than that. I especially block and report when I see someone pretending to be someone else. That’s just wrong on so many levels. Don’t try and contact me like you are Bryan White when I know the REAL Bryan White and you aint him! Trust me I've been to the man's house, I've played with his boys, he's awesome people and that guy aint him. Just saying. That’s oddly specific but a thing that happens more often than you’d guess. PS if the blue check aint there, it’s not him. Same could be said for nearly every other “celebrity” on earth but back to the task at hand.

This post is about Lent not the breakdown of social media and ways to make it better. Maybe that’s a post for another day. For Lent I have also decided to give up SODA in addition to Social Media this year. No I didn’t suddenly move North, let me explain. For those that know me …. Coke is my downfall. I LOVE a good COLD Coca Cola, a fresh coke is like my crack cocaine, a Cherry Pepsi is my meth. Last year I gave up Coke/Pepsi but allowed myself to drink “Sprite” so I’d still have that carbonated drink in my life. However, this year …. SODA in general is out. Nothing but water, sweet tea or juice for me for the next 40 days. Lord help the people I work with. 

So I’ll see you guys on the other side, cause as you know I get real involved with this blog when I can’t do much of anything else during Lent. It’s not social media if you aren’t interacting with people so hit me up in the comments and let's use this forum as it was intended ….  

Are you guys giving anything up or adding anything to your life during this Lent season?!

Marcy (@beaslma)