Rona ……. you scary!

So …. This weekend I did a thing. I packed a bag …. I got in a car and I traveled to the other side of my state. A good 340 miles, a little over 5 hours (give or take traffic/my brother’s lead foot etc.) and a crapton of anxiety about this decision. See my nephew is a JR. in High School. He’s run cross country in the past but over the last spring/summer he got really into it. Like almost annoyingly into it. It was all he talked about, all he thought about, all he did. Not that I’m complaining, the truth is if he’s going to be obsessed with something it might as well be this. So one day last spring he says to me, “One of my goals is to make it to State” I said I’m sure you will, you are definitely putting in the work. He said, “If I go to State will you come?” I was sitting in my chair, working from home cause of this damn virus, and he was at our house during the week cause he was out of school (doing virtual school) and helping my dad with a project. However it only took a moment for me to say, “Of Course! You make it to State and I’ll be there!” 

The way I see it he and I won’t have a lot of these moments left and well if it weren’t for this damn virus I’d have definitely been there. Little did I know that as a Country we’d suck at Pandemics. That we’d have a leader in the White House that convinced everyone it was fine when it was most definitely was not. That not only would we still be in the throws of it but in some parts of the world Round 2 would be getting underway. Nah oh that Spring afternoon looking into his excited face I just wanted to watch him run. Damn if he didn't call my bluff and make the State Championship, which resulted in one of the best but most stressful trips of my life.

According to the interwebs, which are totes never wrong there were over 2,000 kids at this meet. So say each of those kids has 2 parents with them and then throw in a few siblings, some grandparents, aunts and uncles, not to mention volunteers, vendors, concession stand workers so conservatively I’m guestimating there was at least 6-8,000 people at this meet. Give or take cause I suck at math. I saw masks and social distancing but also tons of hugs, lots of people using port a pottys, high fives (some as they left the port a potty), and well the recipe for putting my state back on the national map everywhere I looked. I was standing in the middle of a super spreader waiting to happen. When I think about the number of schools participating from all over the state and how this thing has the possibility of getting way out of hand I gives me heart palpitations.  

I’ve done everything I was supposed to do. I wore a mask. I used hand sanitizer. I social distanced. Every time someone got too close I faked needing to look for something and walked away from the conversation around me, not that anyone noticed. Yet here I sit feeling like a ticking timebomb about to go off cause frankly I just don’t fucking know. My nephew made a similar statement when I meet up with him at the course (I could tell his anxiety had already ramped up just like mine was). I looked at him and said “We are here now, nothing we can do about it so enjoy it. Run your little heart out and have fun. Make this trip worth every second of it!” However inside I wanted to grab him by his hoodie high tail it back to the car, get a hotel room for the night and take a hand sanitizer bath for about 4 hours. He did look at me and say “well we know one thing, if we don’t get it today, it’s just not in the cards for us to get it at all.” Which both made me laugh and scared me that he felt that way. Every day is a new battle so just cause we missed the shrapnel from today (God willing) that doesn’t mean we won’t be hit tomorrow.

Here’s what has me totally freaking out ….. the inevitable contract tracing to come. I traveled with my brother and sister in law. We checked into the hotel and went straight to our room. We ate dinner Friday night. After going to three other restaurants and not wanting to wait the 45-50 minutes on their tables ended up at a Mexican place near the hotel. So you have that waiter, plus the lady who took payment for said delicious dinner, and the ladies we spoke with at the other two places before deciding to move on. On the way back to the hotel the Nephew requested a milkshake from Chick-fil-a, so add the kid who took our order and the kid who brought our order to the list. Plus whomever all of these people served the rest of the night/weekend. Also keep in mind I couldn’t begin to tell you where those two restaurants were located cause it was dark and my brother was driving. My nephew visited us once we got there, and he had 2 roommates, not to mention his coaches and other teammates that he ate dinner with that night and traveled on a buss home with. Plus the buss driver, you gotta add him to the mix. Plus notice I'm not including anyone that we walked by on Saturday, talked with etc. cause it was a crapton of people. On the way home Saturday we stopped for a bite at a Wendy's, again only God knows where, and dealt with the window lady. Plus add two rest area stops, one stop at a gas station in which we all got out and stretched our legs. So lady behind us in line for the potty that stood far closer than she should have good luck cause I don’t even know your damn name. Then upon returning home you have my parents to add to the mix. This morning I got up and went to Church where I counted the money as part of the treasury with another lady, cut a check for one of the members, had several conversations with our preacher throughout the day. While waiting on me mom and dad went to Winn Dixie for a few items so whomever they dealt with there counts I guess. All while wearing a mask but still. That’s just me. That’s just my list of where I was and what I did. That doesn’t include who my brother saw today, whom my SIL saw, or my nephew. That’s how this shit gets so damn out of control so damn fast and that’s what has me all freaked out. This is the aspect of this entire virus situation that people don't think about.  Plus all of that is just from say Friday to Sunday ..... what about the week ahead? Do we count them too? it's quite overwhelming to think about. 

Since March I’ve been good. I’ve stayed home from work (working from home), I’ve left the house only when it was absolutely necessary. I've worn masks, I've used the hand sanitizer, ....  I’VE DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT. I had one lapse in judgement and I pray with everything I have that it doesn’t ruin everything. Especially when all I needed to hear that day was "I really am glad you came, I know these kind of things freak you out now." I'd do anything for that kid, even get RONA I just pray he doesn't get it or I don't give it to others during the process. I also pray that should we get it he doesn't blame himself tho he's enough like me that he will. 

Marcy (whose more scared of Big Rona than Rona is of me but that scares me even more)

Sigh.......

Sigh ……. that is all I have for a title.  

So …… it’s Sunday …. before the Wed that I should be leaving for Dragon Con, which is going virtual this year incase you didn’t know. Honestly I could care less about that. Granted I’ll watch the virtual parade, I might check in on some of the panels they are preparing and I will look at all the cosplay that should have been seen in person but what I really miss is …. Well …. Golden. Since 2014 I’ve packed my car with all the things … driven to Golden’s house and packed the car with all her things and then headed to Atlanta for a 5 day festival of all things Geek but in all honesty the Geek festival was just the destination. For 4 days it was nothing but laughter, pizza, buss trips,  exhaustion, “can I take your picture?” talking to new people while waiting on the buss, eating, shopping, posting our various finds online, walking, waiting on the buss, drinking, standing, pizza, uber rides, talking to new people in lines, sitting, Waffle House, talking to new people while on the buss, and one really great meal at the Hard Rock usually on Saturday or Sunday after the vendor hall.

That’s what a virtual con can’t give me but God love Dragon Con for trying.

To be honest Golden offered to let me come up there anyway spend 4 days farting around her house watching movies and just chilling something we both desperately need but while it sounds like HEAVEN I’m sacred to do it. I show no signs of the virus but who the hell knows what I’m walking around with without my knowledge. My Medical Marvel isn’t going to be taken down by me, no that’s for the lady at Walmart standing to close while in line for prescription to handle. Not me. PS lady at Walmart BACK THE FUCK UP MAN, that goes for you to dude side eyeing me from the band aid display she don’t need you in her air either.

So I sit here with the most exciting part of my day so far being that our drive in Church was cancelled due to bad weather and electronics not liking rain. HIGHLIGHT OF MY WEEK if I’m being honest. I have a submittal due Wed but there are also two hurricanes coming that could potentially screw that up, but we aren’t going to get this job anyway. I also have two more coming up the following week that we actually DO have a shot at so that is my next focus. Since I’ve been working from home since March for it will be business as usual at least until I lose power, assuming that I will. So I am kind of glad to not be leaving the family behind to deal with the hurricane mess, tho at the moment we don’t seem to be in the eye of the cone but we are on the wrong side of it so it could get interesting.

My parents are getting ready to celebrate their 50^th anniversary which is pretty cool so I’m also kind of glad to be around to see that but I wish they would stop snipping at one another. I don’t know if it’s the combination of the pandemic stress, or the inability to go out in the world and get away from one another for a few minutes but my mom is the angriest that she’s ever been in life (I think she’s stopped taking her depression pill) and my dad dosen’t know when to back off which makes him the brunt of her wrath at the moment. I don’t know how to help them cause I totally get where my mom is coming from with my dad. However I also think mom is letting the little shit get to her (again due to lack of taking her medicine correctly) which is making it worse. I personally feel like the only “downtime” I get is when I’m laying in bed at night. I know from the second my feet hit the floor if it’s not work stuff to deal with it’s going to be dealing with mom and dad and trying to keep that bomb from exploding, or at least detonating so that it does little damage. Sometimes I feel like nothing I do is enough, or right, or correct and honestly wonder sometimes why I even try.

So …. in all reality this isn’t a great time for me mentally and I could have used the time with my bestie but I’m gonna be ok.

Stay safe out there guys ……. It’s crazy stupid.

Marcy

Happy Palm Sunday in Quarantine

 

At least according to my preacher today is Palm Sunday. I’m still trying to get used to the fact that April is finally here. March can suck it. That was just the worst I mean the worst. Tho I’m side eyeing April real hard cause it isn’t looking any better.

I haven’t left my house since March 15^th when we got home from Church. Our boss made the call that afternoon that our department was to work from home that week. See he didn’t want to risk his family by coming into a busy office building holding some 500 people and if he didn’t want to do it he wasn’t going to ask us to do it. BOSS OF THE YEAR! We had done it before when our building had a plumbing issue and half our floor flooded out. We could do it again. The following week he decided it was working and we would continue as long as it was working. If we needed to run in for something do it. If we wanted to go into the office and work we could do that too. He was leaving that week up to us but he strongly advised we stay the course. On March 27^th the firm CEO decided that all office employees that could work remotely should be working remotely, until further notice. So now all our coworkers are doing the same.

My firm should be really upset by how much I have enjoyed my working from home during this pandemic. I have found it surprisingly easy and I’m getting a lot done without all the daily work-related/non-work-related distractions that occur in the work place. I’m also forgetting to go to lunch. Sometimes I look up and it’s 1:30 so I’ll run downstairs fix me a sandwich and get back to what I was doing. However just about every night, with one really dumb exception, I have logged off at 5 without a care in the world. See I used to work until about 5:30/6 to avoid the majority of drive home traffic. I also used to get to work around 7:30 and now I’m “getting to work” around 7. So I think it’s all about the same.

Most of our clients have accepted digital submissions with the exception of a few whom I won’t name here but there’s a special place in hell for them should my boss get sick. See he didn’t want us out and about. So he went to good ole Amazon and bought himself a puncher and binder machine, some paper, CDs, Ink etc., and he produces the packages as we email them to him and he prints/punches/binds. Then takes them to the Fed Ex place for mailing. Again can I say BOSS OF THE YEAR! So far our group hasn’t missed a deadline. Our group is like a well oiled machine and so I don’t expect us to miss one but you have to include the so far just incase. We have had several “check-in” meetings to see how everyone is doing, to be assigned new submittals etc., so in other words. Business as usual.

 

That’s kind of how I feel about the world these days. My state has issued a “stay at home order” but it really only applies at night from like 5pm to 10am. She also announced that if everyone complied we "might" get to have football this fall. I was like really!? really!? but it did get a lot of attention. Sigh ....from the sounds of the cars driving by football be damned! If you do get caught out and about just be smart enough to say I’m going to the grocery for supplies, or I’m going to the drug store to get some medicine for my fill-in-blank and you are good to go. My family started using SHIPT long ago and continue to use it today. We got a delivery yesterday and while they were out of a lot of things it went well. All the SHIPT people are super nice and really helpful. God love em.  

 

I don’t know if you saw it or not but Golden blogged the other day after she was put on lockdown by her doctor for having a fever for a few days straight. She didn't take the test cause well they didn't have one for her to take. Her doctor said if her symptoms got worse to call immediately. Not gonna lie I think it freaked us both out. We are both a little concerned now that she is getting ready to reenter the world and go back to work on Monday. However unlike her I have been far less productive with my “quarrentine”. This morning I did clean out my car. Something that was necessary as I fished out a Halloween costume so yeah that was long over due to come out. Yesterday I did literally nothing. ALL DAY. I recently bought myself a Nintendo Switch and literally played it all day long. Except for that short time when I took a shower … you know …. To break up the day. I can not tell you the last time I spent an entrie day literally doing nothing. I just have ZERO desire to do anything. Even when I start doing something I want to do I immediately don’t want to do it and either stop or rush through it just to get it over with. 

I think I’m mentally exhausted. My brain is processing so fast I can’t see straight sometimes. I feel like I’m constantly going from the second my feet hit the floor to the point that when I do wake up I lay in my bed for at least an hour before finally dragging myself out of the bed to start the day. This is not a good habit and I need to break it sooner than later. It's like everything i have looked forward to, Invictus Games, NCAA basketball, NCAA gymnastics regionals/championships, Olympics Easter fun (dinner with family/annual Easter Egg hunt) has been canceled so what's the point in everything else continuing. Ok that's dramatic. The Olympics and Invictus will continue next year but yeah that's like a whole year away. I just have for lack of other way to phrase this a Case of the Monday's all damn week. 

On a purely selfish note let me add if this Rona fucks up my Dragon Con Vacay in Sep/Aug I’m gonna be real pissed. I mean Rona has been an irritation, and at times a real annoyance but that’s just crossing the line. On the other hand other Cons are getting cancelled and people are going to want to get their fix so …. Dragon Con might be more crowed than usual but you know what forget that I’m going and I’m going to enjoy myself damit!

Anyway happy Palm Sunday…….. tell the Easter Bunny to skip your house this year cause he might have Rona!

Marcy
@beaslma

AITAH

I don't know if it's because of the clear blue sky, the bright sunshine, the smell of spring arriving or if it's that the morning birds singing outside my window are Disney animated. Regardless the reason, there's something to this whole waking up and not having to 'worry/dread having to go to work' thing.

I make jokes because it is how I cope. Humor is the program I use to defrag my personal system. A way to try and help bring myself clarity, understanding and acceptance.

What we, as humanity, are going through is scarily apocalyptic. It is the subject of novels, movies and the stuff of nightmares. It is a "global pandemic" attacking anyone. It's spreading faster than mankind can combat. For those that don't get sick, depression, anxiety, self isolation, paranoia and fear are waiting to make patients of those people that the virus hasn't already. 

Being aware and informed is important to survival, however when information is obtained from an untrustworthy source or when information is used poorly, it can become a dangerous weapon. A weapon that anyone, when spreading this type of info, has the potential to wield.

It's hard to trust the information we are being fed 24 hours a day, through tv, internet and social media. Everyone has something to say, and since I'm writing this, i guess I am no different. I can watch a 'trusted local news' source and hear their information. Only to find out, it is a partial telling when i later read a release from the CDC. Only to then see a press conference by a "national leader" downplay said report. Then get on Twitter and see people from the world over asking for thoughts and prayers for loved ones passed. While on Facebook everybody's racist cousin says this is all a conspiracy stemming from the Democrats, all the grandmothers are using this as proof that you have NOT been going to church like you should be and you were raised better than this, and everyone's fun auntie/uncle is now only posting quarantine selfies and directions on how to make fashionable facemasks & tin foil hat combo sets emerged in healing crystal energy and smoked in sage.

By the time you stop to breathe (hopefully self isolated air) the cycle starts all over again!

It's hard to find a balance anymore. A healthy balance between being informed with accurate up to date news and not be overwhelmed or panicked by every posting or unreliable update. A balance between isolating to stop the spread of the disease and not separating yourself from the collective, which can lead to or exacerbate depression and anxiety, loneliness and fear. A balance of protecting ourselves but still doing what we can to help others. A balance of being concerned for humanity's wellbeing but not loosing yourself in the process.

I am currently on Dr mandated medical quarantine and so other than my trusty sidekick and partner in crime, Mighty, electronics are my companions and my connection to the outside world. Yet i can't bathe in the news as some can. It is an anxiety trigger and has the potential to cause me to have panic attacks. So I'm doing what I can to make my daily routine a happy one.

I've decided to do a house purge. I'm gathering up all the clothes and shoes that I never wear, all the items that I no longer need/use and get them prepped and boxed. So that when this is over, i can donate to those who can really use it.

I have a curb side personal library box that has been sitting on my dining room table for far too long, waiting to be painted and installed next to my mailbox. This is my 2nd one to do, i set my 1st one up at the mental health facility where i work. I should have done this one already but i just completely flaked.

This is not my Little Library but it's similar if I were to you know paint it Pink 

And although it probably seems like the lamest goal, to me it is extremely important...self care. Up until the time I was put on quarantine, i felt like I was losing myself to the stress of overworking and losing myself to the fear of 'a lack of money' and 'letting others down.' This fear is/was so strong it had just about swallowed me whole. So I want to use my time to get back to me being me, and making myself happy, healthy and strong. 

Although with me making that decision comes guilt. We are in a global crisis. People all over are getting sick and dying, but here i am trying to be grateful for this time we have, like it's some kind of vacation. I'm here trying to make myself happy, to make myself laugh. 

So...

Am I The Asshole Here?

Yeah. Probably. But nothing is permanent and although knowing at some point we all must return to the Source doesn't make losing someone any easier, it does help me remember that while we are here, life is to be experienced. And i want a happy experience, not just for me but for all. 

So be healthy.
Be safe.
Be informed.
Wash your hands, your face and your ass (which pandemic aside, this should go without saying)
But also remember...
To be happy
To be love and loved
And to be you.

-Golden (@theonlygolden)

Big Rona

So …. It’s crazy to me that my last post some 20  f’ing days ago was concerned about what I was or was not giving up for Lent. Like that was a major thing, something to stress about. Who knew that less than a month later Lent would be the least of my worries. Today marks a week since I left my house, other than to go to my back porch to retrieve frozen mystery meat for supper. My super awesome boss didn’t want to go into the office and wasn’t going to ask us to do something he wasn’t also willing to do. Turns out his wife found out that one of her coworkers is showing symptoms and his son has a classmate also showing symptoms. Our city just got the test in the last few days so who knows what they have. Could be the Flu…could be Big Rona (as Golden calls it) but either way why risk it? 

I’ve been fortunate enough to work from home for the last week and we are planning to work from home next week. some of my friends have not been so lucky. They are out there fighting the good fight and I have had other friends be released from their positions. It's a stupid crazy time for everyone.  

Whether you are reading this on mandated lockdowns, in self quarantine, Self-isolation, or just practicing social distancing you are doing your part to slow this damn thing down and I thank you. Now understand I don’t want the “virus” as everyone is starting to call it (tho its nickname changes on the daily … Coronavirus, COVID-19, whatever the president decides to call it in todays daily rant/press conference).  I’m not so concerned about getting it myself, I think I’m healthy enough to fight it off. It is my mom and dad I worry about.

Mom just got to the point where she was leaving the house again on her own, and Dad … well he’s just crazy and is even crazier when he’s normal sick let alone whatever this thing manifest itself to be. The truth is it could be devastating for them, more so than for me … then again if they are devastated then so am I. People don’t seem to understand that by being out and about you are simply taking a risk that you or I can’t afford for them to take. We are in my opinion about 2 weeks from being Italy. To having a country wide mandated, stay the fuck at home order issued. 


It’s funny how so many people are continuing to make light of this. Granted I was one of those people early on as I watched other County’s dealing with it. The longer this has gone the faster it spread the less funny it became. However some still seem to not get it. My particular town recently got the "tests" so I'm assuming our cases will start to go up. For now everyone around me feels like as long as that number remains low the threat is not a problem for us. Let me repeat we JUST GOT THE TEST. The threat is there we just don't know about it yet. 

They say stay at home everyone rushes to Walmart, or for some reason the big box stores (Costco, Sams etc.). A guy near my town had it and the hospital sent him home to recover and HE STOPED BY THE GROCERY ON THE WAY HOME! Like what?! The number of people who say “it’s just like the flu calm down!” I’ve had the flu it wasn’t fun. I’d imagine this one isn’t either and oh by the way with the Flu there's medicine I can take to make it better, not so much with Rona. The number of people getting online to say “I had it and it wasn’t that bad” should also be punched in the face. It affects everyone differently. It’s causing massive panic attacks daily don’t tell people how to feel about it. I know you think you are helping but you are just making it harder for that one that gets it cause now people think it’s not so bad that person should just get over it.

The one thing about this that I’ve loved watching is that we appear to be coming together as a Country. We appear to be finally using social media to spread good not just evil. We are reaching out to neighbors when before we’d have driven right past if they were laying on the grass in their front yards. There are people offering to get groceries for those too scared to go out, there's companies telling people that kids eat free at restaurants (ok part of that is getting people to come in the door but still), tech companies making it easier for kids to do school from home, health care workers being at the front of this and putting them selves as risk every day but especially in times like this, the people in Italy singing to one another from their various balcony's, churches being forced to share their messages online meaning more might hear what they have to say or better yet people might listen to sermons that they would never hear before. All of it adds up to the fact that even in the stupidest of times we can be good to one another. There is good out there and it's getting increasingly hard to find but if you look for it … if you really look for it, it makes the rest easier. Mr. Rogers was right. Look for the helpers, look for those who have the good sense to listen and take care of themselves and others. 

Now don’t get me wrong there are those, like my partner in crime Golden who can’t stay home. She works at a place that if she doesn’t go to work a domino effect happens … 1. She could lose her insurance. 2 Her residents who depend on her could have major problems. 3. The loss of her insurance would mean she couldn’t get her medication. 4. Golden is a sick puppy and needs that medication cause someone has to take care of Mighty. 5. Mighty might eat Golden's face after a while. Ok that last one likely won't happen but I wanted to round out my list. It is kind of humerous that a quarantine life is like built for Golden. She lives for days where she can create a nest on her couch, watch TV, play games, eat munchies, and watch movies. It’s what she has been training for but she can’t participate. That’s like the worst joke in the world.  

However if everyone else could just chill and relax then Golden being out in the world with no immune system wouldn’t be so scary.

One day this will pass, we'll all laugh and joke about it and move on to the next big thing, and one day we will look back and all of it will be analyzed and discussed. This is a great time to see that we are a Country that can come together for the greater good, even if it's only for a short time.

So be good to one another, reach out to one another, and for the love of Golden stay the fuck at home!

Marcy