AITAH

I don't know if it's because of the clear blue sky, the bright sunshine, the smell of spring arriving or if it's that the morning birds singing outside my window are Disney animated. Regardless the reason, there's something to this whole waking up and not having to 'worry/dread having to go to work' thing.

I make jokes because it is how I cope. Humor is the program I use to defrag my personal system. A way to try and help bring myself clarity, understanding and acceptance.

What we, as humanity, are going through is scarily apocalyptic. It is the subject of novels, movies and the stuff of nightmares. It is a "global pandemic" attacking anyone. It's spreading faster than mankind can combat. For those that don't get sick, depression, anxiety, self isolation, paranoia and fear are waiting to make patients of those people that the virus hasn't already. 

Being aware and informed is important to survival, however when information is obtained from an untrustworthy source or when information is used poorly, it can become a dangerous weapon. A weapon that anyone, when spreading this type of info, has the potential to wield.

It's hard to trust the information we are being fed 24 hours a day, through tv, internet and social media. Everyone has something to say, and since I'm writing this, i guess I am no different. I can watch a 'trusted local news' source and hear their information. Only to find out, it is a partial telling when i later read a release from the CDC. Only to then see a press conference by a "national leader" downplay said report. Then get on Twitter and see people from the world over asking for thoughts and prayers for loved ones passed. While on Facebook everybody's racist cousin says this is all a conspiracy stemming from the Democrats, all the grandmothers are using this as proof that you have NOT been going to church like you should be and you were raised better than this, and everyone's fun auntie/uncle is now only posting quarantine selfies and directions on how to make fashionable facemasks & tin foil hat combo sets emerged in healing crystal energy and smoked in sage.

By the time you stop to breathe (hopefully self isolated air) the cycle starts all over again!

It's hard to find a balance anymore. A healthy balance between being informed with accurate up to date news and not be overwhelmed or panicked by every posting or unreliable update. A balance between isolating to stop the spread of the disease and not separating yourself from the collective, which can lead to or exacerbate depression and anxiety, loneliness and fear. A balance of protecting ourselves but still doing what we can to help others. A balance of being concerned for humanity's wellbeing but not loosing yourself in the process.

I am currently on Dr mandated medical quarantine and so other than my trusty sidekick and partner in crime, Mighty, electronics are my companions and my connection to the outside world. Yet i can't bathe in the news as some can. It is an anxiety trigger and has the potential to cause me to have panic attacks. So I'm doing what I can to make my daily routine a happy one.

I've decided to do a house purge. I'm gathering up all the clothes and shoes that I never wear, all the items that I no longer need/use and get them prepped and boxed. So that when this is over, i can donate to those who can really use it.

I have a curb side personal library box that has been sitting on my dining room table for far too long, waiting to be painted and installed next to my mailbox. This is my 2nd one to do, i set my 1st one up at the mental health facility where i work. I should have done this one already but i just completely flaked.

This is not my Little Library but it's similar if I were to you know paint it Pink 

And although it probably seems like the lamest goal, to me it is extremely important...self care. Up until the time I was put on quarantine, i felt like I was losing myself to the stress of overworking and losing myself to the fear of 'a lack of money' and 'letting others down.' This fear is/was so strong it had just about swallowed me whole. So I want to use my time to get back to me being me, and making myself happy, healthy and strong. 

Although with me making that decision comes guilt. We are in a global crisis. People all over are getting sick and dying, but here i am trying to be grateful for this time we have, like it's some kind of vacation. I'm here trying to make myself happy, to make myself laugh. 

So...

Am I The Asshole Here?

Yeah. Probably. But nothing is permanent and although knowing at some point we all must return to the Source doesn't make losing someone any easier, it does help me remember that while we are here, life is to be experienced. And i want a happy experience, not just for me but for all. 

So be healthy.
Be safe.
Be informed.
Wash your hands, your face and your ass (which pandemic aside, this should go without saying)
But also remember...
To be happy
To be love and loved
And to be you.

-Golden (@theonlygolden)