Lent: Control

 

So as I said the other day I have decided not to give anything up for Lent. I’m adding things to my life instead of giving things up. Like I’ve worked out for 7 days straight, I’m also focusing on actually sleeping instead of just being in a bed in a dark room for 8 hours. Lastly, I’m going to write and actually mail letters. 

I wrote my first one today. It’s to an ex coworker who is having a birthday next week. It just made sense to start with her. It’s crazy to me that I’m “pen pals” with her (usually via e-mail) cause I didn’t LOVE the time we spent together when we worked together. She was very much one of those if she liked you she would bend over backwards for you but if she didn’t like you she either half assed it or just kind of blew it off. I wasn’t a fan of that. Granted there are people that I like working with more than others but at the end of the day my job is to help all not just the select few I enjoy. Plus without the asshats the ones I like I might not like as much. However this "friendship" also also kind of makes sense too. 

No matter the week we had, no matter the words bantered about … if it was a rough week or a long week or even just a good week if she came up to me on a Friday and said wanna go get a drink after work I was always in. She lived alone at home just her and her pups, and her family was in another state so those “drinks” after work were likely a way for her to minimize being at home alone but they meant more than that to me. It meant she saw me as someone she wanted to invest in, someone she wanted to spend time with and get to know better, someone that she saw had value. I’ll never forget that. That’s not to say we always saw eye to eye on everything but we could separate that work drama from real life living and I miss that. The boss that followed was like night and day, but it led me to the one I have now and I’ll always love her for that – only that …that’s all I give her credit for. He’s spent many days trying to repair some of the walls she forced me to build.  

Today our preacher started her series on Lent that she’s calling “Giving it up” but she focusing less on things but on ideas such as Giving up Control, Superiority, Expectations that kind of thing. The idea is that it is foolish to think you have “control” in anything cause you don’t. God does. I get that idea and I get that thought process but if say …. A safe is falling from the sky and I’m under it …. Frankly it’s up to me to take control of my body and move it out of the way. This idea that a diety is going to “save” me from myself if I “let go” seems …. Well dangerous. I think it’s a lack of control that has caused the society that we have now. This idea that no matter what I do it will be ok in the end mentality that causes people to drive to fast, to text while driving, to walk into a random establishment with a gun in their hands. That’s not to say I haven’t done those things, well that last one I can honestly say I’ve never done that one, but the rest I’m guilty of. 

I’ve never been a fan of group projects ….. it’s not a control thing but more of a get the hell out of my way and I’ll get it done thing. I don’t trust the other person to do it the way I’d do it, or as well. Case in point ... the submittal I’m working on … a co-worker was going to do a segment of it. I was apprehensive about this but ok fine let her do that. She did them ……. They were all kinds of messed up. I reviewed them as she asked. Sent it back to her for review and so we have now spent far longer on a section that still isn’t finished that if I had been allowed to just do would be done by now. That's just not ok. I’m trying to be a team player but that’s just frustrating. Now next week I have to worry about that instead of it being done like the rest of the document. All cause I had to let go of control.

The point is Control isn’t a bad thing. Control keeps my shoulders in place instead of around my ears. It keeps my back relaxed instead of stiff as a board. It allows me the space to breathe. So my point with this is that Control isn’t the problem, it’s understanding that at the end of the day my choices make what kind of day I’m going to have or have had. I’ve always said you can’t praise God when things are going well and then blame the Devil when they aren’t. At the end of the day it’s all part of the plan, the path, your choices just CONTROL how hard or easy that path is. At least in my opinion.

Happy Sunday! 
Marcy