Thursday, November 30, 2023

2023 Christmas TV Calendar

 I have a confession ……… there’s too much Christmas … I mean honestly, everyone slow down. I can’t imagine as an actor how it feels to be all Christmasy in like February but then again they shoot Halloween Wars in January so BOOM take that Christmas! I’ve always wondered how they keep their pumpkins so fresh …. and how do they convince a farm to hold out that many pumpkins ?! Maybe they delay their planting and use greenhouses ….. wait … this one is about the big guy in the Red suit, the reindeer with the red nose, the snowman in a magic hat, the geeky mouse that broke the clock, and the poor 4 eyed kid in a pink bunny costume! In case you are living in a cave with no electricity it is already Christmas, or as my bestie calls it Crimmus. Not sure how that happened but calendars don’t lie ….. the clocks often do but calendars are always trustworthy. You could think it’s 3 but it’s actually 1 or worse it’s 7 … but even if you think it’s Tuesday and it’s actually Thursday well it will never NOT be Thursday it will always be the day it’s suppose to be. Every.Single.time. Trust me. It’s a thing! Wait … how did you get my calendar in your cave?!

I will admit that this one was easier than Halloween, but it usually is. It’s crammed tight with nostalgia, new offerings, and remixes of old fun family favorites told in what they hope is a new and “interesting” way…spoiler alert it’s usually not. By the way … THIS … is how holiday fun should be. Now I admit, Hallmark just went stupid, as they do every year, and started showing these things in like March. Truth is that I’m not even sure they have a time when they aren’t showing Christmas offerings. God love em they know their audience and they deliver the goods. I do admit hearing the Freddy Theme Song as you also hear Jingle Bells coming from the next room is a little discombobulating, yet…oddly comforting too. No bad Marcy …. This is about Crimmus not Halloween. Get it together!

To prove my point, I present you with this …. there’s Hallmark Channels 2023 “Countdown to Christmas” which I believe started a few days before Halloween ended and replaced their Christmas in July or some jazz like that …. there’s UPtv’s “Uplifting Christmas” with over 600 hours of holiday cheer (yet oddly didn’t really make my calendar cause I don’t get that channel anymore *sad face* … I think even Hallmark said sit down UPtv …. There’s “It’s a Wonderful Lifetime” on well…Lifetime (come on guys some of these are easy) …. TBS is having a “Winter Break” …. you can find the “The Best Christmas Ever” on AMC, “Nickmas” is on Nickelodeon (Question…. how many Nicks are in the Nickelodeon theme song … asking for a friend… who is me – PS I say 7, if you say 8 we can’t be friends anymore, just kidding we totes can but you are wrong) and of course “25 Days of Christmas” on Freeform …the OG of Holiday fun. Not to mention all the streaming stuff cause well you have all heard my rant about that and I just don’t have the energy for that again.

So, my point is the calendar is full … it’s the fullest calendar I’ve done in years and frankly I really enjoyed it. You might need a magnifying glass to read it but that’s what ZOOM is for right?! Right?! I tried to include as many new offerings as I could and yes sometimes a beloved had to go. Sorry Clark! While Halloween was kind of a catastrophic failure on my part, I hope I have redeemed myself with this one. I know I have renewed my love for doing these so I am going to take that W.  

A few items of note because I don’t want you to miss these and that is the purpose after all…

·       TBS is airing the new A Christmas Story Christmas released on HBO/MAX last year!!!!!! Oh, Happy Day!!!!! Don’t worry tho the Christmas Day Marathon is still the original movie only, I checked! I mean they aren’t that insane. You don’t mess with tradition. But the fact that this one is now going to get to be watched by the masses makes me happy. They are showing equal love to the original but oddly the sequel from 2012 isn’t getting any love at all. If you have seen it you know why! Don’t yell at TED it’s not his fault. I have to warn you my mom finds A Christmas Story Christmas to be a bit depressing but what does mom know, well a lot but still it is a good movie. The gentle nod to the original, the returning original actors, a catch up of the characters and what they have been up to, a lot of love to the Old man and an original story all make up for the sadness. Give it a go let me know what you think cause I love it! Thanks Marvel for giving us back Ralphie! IYKYK

·       NEW Shows for the Win! As stated, there are several new items on the calendar, I haven’t watched them, but I am interested in many of them cause well at least they are new. I like new. I like original. I enjoy the old school seen it a thousand times, but will watch it again and again whenever it is on too but new … makes me giddy. Do some research before you put Sally in front of the TV with popcorn or plop little Bailey down in your lap for something that you deem inappropriate …that’s not my mess. Take it up with your facebook friends on how horrible it is so they can justify themselves as well by sharing in your fake outrage. Or just take it for what it is .. a lesson learned for both you and your offspring. You are welcome!

·       Speaking of Bailey …  God Love Hallmark for getting Scott Wolf and Lacy Chabert back together for a new Christmas movie called “A Merry Scottish Christmas” and no before you ask these two are not love interests, but are in fact playing siblings. I think they even realized how problematic that could be. I have seen it cause of course it premiered in November as part of their lead up to Christmas. I not only set my DVR but counted down the minutes until it started and I could wait 30 minutes or so in an effort to not have to watch commercials. I didn’t succeed. It’s good, predictable in a Hallmark movie kind of way but … good. I’d watch it again and I plan to. I am so excited about this movie, for many reasons that have little to do with the story line of said movie … so it’s getting a lot of love on this calendar and I’m not even going to apologize for it. Full disclosure … Don’t show up if you are expecting Bailey and Claudia (HEY Fox isn’t it time to find out what the Salinger clan has been up to all these years?). Bonus points if you catch the nod to their FOX show Party of Five. However, do show up if you still love Scott Wolf’s dimples, which I do, or like seeing Lacey’s doe eyed look every time those dimples are on display. If you haven’t seen Party of Five and are like what is this crazy lady talking about … I have all the episodes on VHS and DVD and can hook you up. I’m just gonna need you to put down a deposit and leave a note saying you promise to take care of it and promptly return it or I’ll send over the law. It’s that good. For me it’s right up there with Sports Night, another excellent show that you should totally check out … you know in January after all this holiday madness ends.

·       AMC is the marathon machine…. Like for reals. At various points of the month, they have dedicated theme nights. Dec. 9th is “Merry 80’s Marathon” …. Dec. 10th “So Many Santas Marathon” …. Dec. 16th “Best Elf Marathon” …. Dec. 17th “Holiday Hijinks Marathon” ….. and my favorite Dec 26th as the “Holiday Hangover” I think there’s even one for Reece Witherspoon. If you are stuck and can’t figure out what to watch check out AMC and see what they are offering.  

·       CNN Heroes: An All Star Tribute will air on Dec. 10th at 7. It’s always a great reminder that in the doom and gloom of the world there are people attempting to make things better and good for them, better for us.  

·       Kennedy Center Honors  will air on CBS Dec. 27th at 8 it’s another good program to remind you that there are very good humans in this world but this one leans more to the celebrity side while CNN’s version is for the everyday man. This year’s honorees include Billy Crystal, Reneee Fleming, Barry Gibb, Dionne Warwick and my Queen …. Dana Owens.

·       As always if you are looking for something to throw the littles in front of while you wrap gifts, bake, shop online, drink a glass or three of wine, scroll on your phone, or just need a minute … Freeform is the place for you. Their love for Claymation is admirable and while not all the offerings are eyeball worthy they do have a very impressive lineup again this year. May we all bow to the awesome that is Freeform this time of year.

Now for …the rules. If you are an OG user of this calendar, feel free to skip ahead. If you are new to the party …. Well, you want to read on or face my wrath.

·       NO E-MAILS about taking Christ out of Christmas, it’s just a really long word and using X-Mas allows for more shows on the already full calendar.

§  Thanks for your understanding.

§  For those that don’t understand I’ll be glad to remove you from the list, just let me know.

·       I live in the central time zone, the times on this calendar reflect that, adjust accordingly.

§  That said unless otherwise stated the times are PM

·       Late Hour Focus, but hour round fun. For you work from home people, stay at home mom’s, or employers who have access to good wifi ….  they run these specials all day long, and while my calendar focuses mainly on the after-work hour times since that is when I can watch (especially during the week), fire it up as background noise for that meeting that you are totes paying attention to, or while you edit that really long annoying document.

Much like the Halloween one ….. I have been doing this one for at least 15 years …. The goal is to set aside some time for the holiday cheer to enter your soul …. for those shows and stories we all grew up with to fill your heart with happiness … and most importantly to stop…breathe…take a minute … then jump back out there into the madness that is the holiday season.

Merry Christmas to you all …. and I hope you each have a wonderful and safe New Years. Here’s to a fantastic 2024 for us all !

Marcy




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