Well,
ok it's nothing so dramatic as all that. But I am trying to will my body to
behave as any other body does. Most people go about with their bodies on
autopilot. There isn’t a lot of conscious brain power that goes into making
sure your body behaves normally. It just breathes, blinks, bends, beats and
heals without your consent. But I have the "body stupids" and my body
forgets how to body. That's where I find myself now, in a flare up of the
stupids. So maybe "body stupids" isn't an official term but its much
easier to get across than my real diagnosis. Plus I'm super mature and get all
pouty when I don't feel good.
My
official diagnosis is an unclassified variant strain autoimmune disease. Which
is doctor speak for "Holy shit this bitch's body be straight Cray!"
As much as can be determined is that it's like Lupus's bastard cousin, it's
like Lupus but I have additional symptoms. So like Super Lupus! (cape not
included). Instead of my body’s immune system doing what it should, it gets the
dumbs and attacks my organs, joints and skin, like Lupus. But something about
the chemistry is different from my Lupus brethren. Since I have had this going
on since I was about 19/20 I have a rather high pain tolerance, but today it's
failing me. So I am trying to manage my pain today while forcing my legs to be
legs. Which leaves me all the time in the world to contemplate the complexity
of human nature....and also watch the My Little Pony marathon (Don't judge
me!).
The
one positive outcome of all of this, is that hopefully one day this disease
will be named after me and people throughout the world will cuss me randomly
"Damn it my Golden is flared up like a mother fucker today!" That is
what keeps a smile on my face while I battle my body stupids. Well that and
these pain meds. So until we meet again have fun for me and whenever you stump
your toe or accidentally knock your funny bone, do me a favor. Just call out a
good rousing "Damn it Golden!" for me. I do so enjoy being randomly
cussed!
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