I’m not really sure where this came from, I had a weird dream and
when I woke up this was eating away at my brain and just had to get out …. So .... here goes...
-----
"KICK"
Life sucks
sometimes. Just when you think you have karma beat, along comes life to kick
you in the gut. It’s funny though, because at the time of the kick you blame
someone dear to you only to realize, many years later, that it was life, not
your so-called-loved-one, who had the foot. It could have been any day on the
calendar, as they all evidentially start to run together, but this particular
kick took place just as the last of the leaves were falling from the trees. I’m
not sure why it happened but my so-called-loved-one woke up on a Friday morning
and decided that this marriage was no longer going to work.
~Kick~
Bad news never comes on a Monday when you have all
week to adjust between a busy schedule of work and taking the kids to school
and football practice. No, it comes on a Friday with two days of “what
happened” bouncing around in your head as you cut the grass, clean the house,
and pretty much do anything that you can to keep that question from coming, but
fail miserably.
~Another kick~My so-called-loved-one asked me if I would join her for a drive. Thinking it was a good opportunity to spend time together, I agreed. We never left the driveway. It was later discovered that while my so-called-loved-one was ready to end our marriage, telling our young son was another matter. Thus, one of the most confusing and irritating conversations we ever had took place in the front seat of a fairly new Honda Civic, big enough, but not a “family” car my so-called-loved-one told me when we bought it.
~Kick~
“Can’t we talk about this? How can you just make
this decision without any discussion?” I pleaded as my so-called-loved-one
played with the button at the end of the parking brake. A creaking sound filled
the car as she pulled up on the parking break.
“There is really nothing to discuss. I’m just not
happy anymore and I don’t think I ever will be, who knows maybe I never was.” My so-called-loved-one said
while releasing the parking brake. Now the creek was replaced by a ping as she reset it and then
released the parking break again in a cycle so she'd have something to do with her hands.
“You owe it to me to tell me why. A twelve-year
relationship can’t just end at the drop of a hat, you have to tell me what’s
going on.”
“I don’t know why,” my so-called-loved-one told me,
“If I knew why it might could be fixed. I think I’m just tired. Tired of not
seeing anyone but Jim all day unless my brother stops by, tired of you never
being home and tried of just not mattering to anyone.”
~Kick~
I couldn’t believe that my so-called-loved-one felt
that way, “not matter?” I said as I stared in disbelief at the dolphin air
freshener that stopped working a long time ago but neither of us threw away.
“My god what have I done wrong to make you feel that way. When I took this job
you knew I would have to travel a lot.”
“I just..I didn’t realize it would be so hard.”
“So, let’s work on it. Please don’t just walk away
without us at least giving it a try. What will we tell Jim?”
“Nothing! I can’t face him. He is a smart boy he’ll
figure it out.”
~Kick~
“And when he does he’ll hate you. Are you willing to
deal with that?”
“He’ll understand.”
“He’ll hate you!” I yelled back.
“Stop it! He won’t! Please stop! Don't do this to me!”. My
so-called-loved-one yelled back.
“You leave like this and he will. Leave like this
and you can never come back. Do you realize this?”
“Yes, I do. It is why I don’t want to wait until he
is older. If I leave now there is still a small chance he could forgive me one day. If
I wait, the chance is gone. Now, please get out of the car, I’m ready to go.”
I glanced around the car hoping this Civic would
give me an argument, instead I saw a small bag in the backseat. Even the
dolphin had stopped swinging back and forth.
“Your suitcase is already packed.” She said nothing looking forward.
~Kick~
“So there is nothing I can say? Nothing I can do.”
My so-called-loved-one’s head fell south.
~Kick~
A tap on the window interrupted us. It was Jim, My
so-called-loved-one continued to examine the floor. I opened the door to get
out of the car. It wasn’t even closed before my so-called-loved-one turned the
key, the car came alive, and she took her drive - alone.
~Kick~
My so-called-loved-one never looked into the
rearview mirror while driving away from all that we had shared together.
~The hardest kick of all~
-----
So there it is .... I'd love some feedback .... or you can tell me this is stupid never do it again I won't listen but at least I'll know I need to do better or you have horrible taste ... either or I'm gonna keep writing cause that's what I do...well did..and I want to do it again. :D
No comments:
Post a Comment